sickened.

most people love to link to prominent sites that back up their point of view. but because my point of view is backed up by the entire world wide web almost, there's no need for me to link prominent sites.

i am absolutely sickened(and i do mean sickened) by the status of this world, and people in america. i know it is cliche and i know it's been said a million times before, but i absolutely cannot stand...what i see going on these days. even what is said is vile and disheartening. what comes out of the mouth is overflow of the heart, and it's so true.

the way people say they wish nadya suleman's children would die, or be taken by child protective services (which is a horrendous, ignorant fate to wish on anyone because that "service" is nothing but an injustice to children and parents everywhere), or the way people back up the ny post's cartoon depicting barack obama as a dead chimpanzee, or the way people attack each other so openly on message boards is nothing short of amazing. i read some of this stuff and i'm appalled that these people walk, talk and live around me every single day of the week. it's scary to know that some of the shit (i had to let it out because that's what it is) i come across on the www is penned and defended by the people that make up my country--a place where my children will have to grow. i mean, i look around and say no wonder people are shooting each other in the face over street wars, parents are starving their children to death, men are beheading their wives and each other, women are setting each other on fire, the list goes on.

i won't link anything, but if no one believes me, i guess i don't mind going back to do the legwork. but just google anything i wrote above, and you're guaranteed to find 1,000,000 search results at least.

it's a shame because even my oldest daughter is getting to the point where she doesn't want to go outside, she'd rather stay in the house than to go outside and walk our dog. my children's school is right across the street and i am nervous about letting them walk to school alone. and it doesn't matter where i live or how old they are. i can live in the most crowded urban ghetto or the quietest rural area where there's no other neighbor for 20 miles. it doesn't matter. i am nervous for my children.

because what i see online is what they have to look forward to. and of course there's always the argument, "well it's just online." it's been proven that people online tend to be more honest and more open with how they truly feel because they are anonymous. and that's scary, because this garbage is what's in their heart.

i can't imagine what i'd do if i found out my neighbor is one of the ones that wished death on a child or a person that secretly admitted to torturing puppies for fun as an adult. or my old boss (whom i love), or a family member. or the man that owns the grocery down the block.

i guess there are good reasons for being anonymous--some things are better left unknown. but even that is a double edged sword because then you never truly know who surrounds you.

you can't make this stuff up. i don't see how anyone can actually go on in this world without some sort of cover or shield. i pray regularly, and it's only by the grace of God that i have gotten this far. this world is a disgusting dangerous landmine and it's only because of the goodness, faith and determination of the good few that the not so good many are even allowed to thrive. because if it weren't for people with good hearts, those with rotten cores would just devour themselves and each other in a cesspool of hatred and ignorance.

it's only because of those few beautiful hearts who are powered by many different forces that the world is still a good place.

it's only going to get worse. if you don't have a protected way to navigate the world now, you'd better get one. mark my words. i don't want to say God because some will become irate at that statement and lose their brain cells at an even faster rate that they currently are (and i'm not into encouraging anyone's demise), so i will leave it up to anyone who reads this post to decide what it means for them.

now i know this may seem like a hypocrisy coming from a woman with a husband in prison. i have an avid faith in the belief that my husband is a good person who is fighting a bad understanding of the world. i am not going to sit around and justify or defend (partly because i wasn't asked to, partly because i would never defend my love to at least 99% of the people in this world because it would make me look like a fool) our love or our family makeup and composition, but rest assured that regardless of my personal doings, i stand by what i say. because i am a good person with a good heart, and i what i speak is true.