practice makes perfect.

so i've been practicing the art of depending on Jesus to meet all of my needs, and boy is today ever a day for practicing getting better at this.

yesterday joyce meyer said, "if you want God to mature you, He will do that. if you want more patience, He's going to throw you into the most impatient situations. if you want more grace, He's going to put you in graceless situations. if you want more peace, He's going to put you in situations where peace is nowhere to be found!"

never a word has been truer.

as i said, i've been practicing depending on Jesus to meet my needs. as a Christian, this can be very difficult to do. the surprising thing is...many people expect Christians to automatically be able to do things such as have peace, be patient, and depend on Jesus Christ for everything.

but we must practice these things daily for them to be a habit. they dont always come so easily.

so, i've been praying for more opportunities to depend totally on Christ to meet my needs and not on my own ability.

well, today is my lucky day.

i woke up, everything was fine. house in order, girls asleep, husband safely at work. so i had my prayer in bed, like i do nearly every morning now (i do it between sleep and wakefulness, and surprisingly, it's one of the best times for me to feel Christ's comfort!). so i sit up, use the bathroom and hear a knock at the door. it's my friend. she visits me and we chat up a bit, and everything is good. she says, "do you smell gas burning?" i look in the kitchen, and yup, the stove is turned on, but the pilot hasn't caught, releasing gas fumes into the home. i lift the window, air out everything and everything is fine. i turn on the stove to cook the girls oatmeal for breakfast...it's nice and uneventful.

about an hour later my friend leaves, and i go to make myself some eggs. the stove doesn't turn on. then i go to check the other burners, nothing works. i turn on the oven...eek. it's black; the pilot light has gone out. panic sets in.

just then my husband calls. "husband!" i announce, with a little more panic than i intended, "i think our gas is turned off!"

he groans audibly. "check the dryer!" he says, a glimmer of hope in his voice.

i go upstairs, turn on the dryer and wait for it to start up while talking to him. after about 3 minutes, i don't hear the distinctive "click" and then whooshing, blowing noise indicating that the gas burner has caught to add heat to the machine.

"yup! they caught us!"

we both groan loudly, and my heart skips a beat. we always dread public service electric and gas "catching" us, or disconnecting one of our services. but because the bill is so high, pushing about 250-300.00 a month for both (nearly the price we pay in rent)....it's always a stark thought in the back of our minds threatening to become reality at any nanosecond.

today it is reality.

this wouldn't make me "anxious" (i use the word lightly, i'll explain myself below) normally, because we'd just dig in our bill money, send off the 300.00 for the bill...and wait the few hours for the services to be restored.

but today, we have no bill money. so we have no money for service restoration.

enter anxiety stage left.

or better yet, enter what is *supposed* to be anxiety, stage left (but what has turned into some real peaceful living).

anyway, back to the story. it wouldn't be so bad, but our home is an electric and gas home. everything that we use that's not a small appliance uses both electricity and gas simultaneously to operate correctly. this includes our heating system, stove and dryer. so none of these things are in operable order now. if even my dryer was, i would just ride it out. that in and of itself is telling me that...

i must be learning to depend on Christ to meet my needs and get me out the messes we're in. this is because instead of being totally devastated that my gas is off, as i would've been in the past, i feel like a pioneer woman. we still have electricity, so our air conditioning unit is functioning perfectly. we have enough hot water for the next 2 days or so, and we do have an electric griddle to cook foods on, while our rice cooker and microwave are electric powered. things aren't too bad on my end.  in my mind, we'll just have to work this out until we're able to get the gas back on. it can't stay this way forever. i have this odd excitement in the pit of my belly about being able to do things the "old fashioned way", and i've become VERY creative with meals, making some of the best dishes we've had in a long time. it's like this is adventure time for me.

plus, we can depend on Christ to help us meet all of our needs. so there's no need to worry. this is my first time ever, feeling FULLY at peace with a situation like this. taking it day by day...i now understand the verse:

Psalm 55:22  Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.

for the first time in this situation, i am NOT moved! not worried, not anxious, actually i'm ENJOYING the situation!

unfortunately, my husband was more stressed out than i wanted him to be (althogh he has since calmed down and too put his trust in Jesus to get us through this!), but i remember being where he was. worried and anxious and stressing what i can't control. he was considering borrowing the money, but we already owe 500.00 to family members (that we're paying off) plus two credit cards. so "borrowing" more is out of the picture as far as i'm concerned. if we had no debt, it wouldn't be a problem. but borrowing another 300.00 would push us up to 800.00 to pay back--way too much.

im not happy with that idea, so we scrapped it.

the reason we even owe this bill sucks too. last month we ran into car trouble, so borrowed from peter (pseg for 2 months) to pay paul (the car). this month, it caught up to us. usually, we can skip a month or so of pseg payments and then just double up the following month, and they'll leave us alone. this time, no go! and with my husband's income, we don't have any wiggle room to get money from anywhere else. i could've used the girls schoolwear clothing allocation (250.00), but it must not have been meant to be because we went school shopping YESTERDAY and the gas was disconnected TODAY. we also could've just reneged on fixing the car and continued to walk, but we also just happened to pay the last installment to our mechanic yesterday for the car trouble, and the gas got disconnected today. what great timing, huh? we don't even have a savings plan, because we can't save anything, and actually are running into other bill trouble quickly on the horizon (our car insurance is due--and without that, our vehicle is out of commission).

anyway, i digress. none of it even matters. what matters is we still have what we need to be ok, the only difference is i have to take the girls uptown for their showers to grandmas house. hubby showers on his way home from work at his moms house already, so it works out perfectly.

we'll come up with something to get our bills under control. we always do. in the meantime in between time...God the Father is still on the throne! and for the first time  ever, i am totally basking and relaxing and feeling peace and total understanding in this lesson in not worrying, leaning on God through His Son Jesus Christ to meet my family's needs. it is AMAZING to say the least, and i am appreciating the experience.

delicious string beans!

is it "string beans" or "stringed beans"? i'm not too sure. either way, this recipe is an absolutely delicious and easy one that i stumbled upon one day while frustrated with canned beans, and finding a lone pack of frozen beans in the back of the freezer just waiting to be experimented with. after this, i will NEVER go back to eating ANY string/ed beans out of a can again! these are so tasty that i'll make up a batch every now and again just to munch on when i'm hungry.  they are that good (and healthy for you too!) you will need:

1 bag of frozen string/ed beans

2 tbsp butter

salt, pepper and garlic powder to taste

in a sautee pan, OR a regular frying pan (which i use cus i'm not fancy) simply thaw out the beans over high heat and once the water is mostly evaporated, add butter. stir well to coat the beans with butter, and then add the seasonings to taste. cook until slightly crisp, about 5 minutes over high heat. serve immediately.

you can always cook the beans longer to make them crispier, or shorter to make them softer. i like a really crisp bite to mine so i actually cook mine until a few of them are overcooked (about 7 minutes in all on high heat), then i just blend them all well and serve. delicious!

sweet basil and my green thumb...

so, my green thumb has been accidentally triggered, and lately i'm itching to be a gardener. now, anyone who knows me knows that as much as i love plants, i kill them all within 6 months so it hasn't been my uhm...hobby to grow them. but, this past few weeks has me rethinking my assumptions about myself and willing to give gardening/growing indoor plants another try. where did this spontaneous interest come from? well i'm happy you asked!

first, i went to visit my cousin and saw that she has these absolutely beautiful bamboo plants, which i asked her to teach me how to care for them. she gave me some great pointers and some plant food to start off with. although i haven't found any bamboo plants to start with (usually the .99 cent stores around town carry them for .99 per stalk, but of course now that i'm interested in growing them from scratch no one has any!), i have been plotting on starting my very own bamboo garden as soon as i get my hands on some of the stalks.

in the meantime, i went out into the backyard, intending on dumping over one of the flower pots back there, to give away the pots, only to see that my basil plants from last year dropped seeds and resprouted for me this year! ive been super excited about having a fresh basil plant this year unexpectedly, but my "gardener" senses have been tingling since, and for the last 24 hours i've been trying to figure out how i can ensure that my basil plants grow again next year, this time on purpose. after consulting my green thumb mother and cousin, i've decided that simple is best. since i can't collect the seeds (because they're so small and i can barely see them), i'm just going to pull the plants when the season is over, dry them upside down (IN the flower pot), and when the stalks dry out totally and begin to break down (this winter), i'm going to sift the top layer of soil and then cover it all with a protective layer over the winter. better safe than sorry, and now that i'm on the hunt for my bamboo, i really want to ensure that my basil grows next year.

in addition to my basil, i purchased from the grocery store a full jade plant, which is beautiful. i do not have luck with jade plants but i'm going to give this one a real try. i also received from freecyle another jade plant and aloe plant, but after nearly killing them both, they're growing pretty slowly. after nearly doing them in though, my green thumb has learned a lesson or two and they're *slowly* coming back to life.

i also decided to snatch up some of my mothers iris seeds before my sister comes up to nj to bring her belongings back to her home in the south. i figure my mom has had these plants for a long time, and to be able to grow my own from hers is some sappy mother daughter love thing that will keep a bit of her with me every day. in the iris plant is a wild growing morning glory, which i love, so i took some of it by the root and planted it with the iris seeds, and i hope it too will catch for next spring and grow up the side of my home. she also gave me a pot of this really shallow *but beautiful) grass like plant that i've repotted in the bottom of a flower pot saucer in hopes that next year it will bloom fully and cover the saucer in a carpet like growth.

my little garden is just that *little* but i am so excited about it LOL. i feel like a new mom. i'm praying that i've planted everything right and it all takes root and next spring will give me a little garden in the city. and to think, all of this greatness started with just a bamboo idea and some accidentally sprouted sweet basil!

i'm probably going to be the martha stewart of plants at this rate! i can't wait...

it looked so good i had to take a picture!

today's lunch was a veggie burger with mozzarella cheese on a 100 calorie bun with a dab of ketchup, romaine lettuce, tomato and onion. i also had a drop of italian dressing on the side to sop up with my veggies. it was delicious. my only regret is that i didn't have another--altogether the entire meal was only 250 calories and after about 2 hours, i was hungry again. LOL. but it was good. i really love the morningstar farms veggie burgers simply because at bj's they are very affordable (9.99 for a box of i believe 20 burgers). i eat them for lunch maybe three times per week, and they are satisfying, even if digested pretty quickly. and for only 100 calories per patty, i don't feel cheated.

good news to report! i'm down 8 pounds in 2 months, 6 of those pounds can be attributed to me following the carbohydrate addict's diet (which i have tweaked some and it really works well for me). i refuse to sit around starting any new habits that are uncomfortable for me or long term "undoable", and this "diet" has proven to be the first one i've ever been on that does not feel like a diet AT ALL. so needless to say, i am very happy to have been blessed by learning about the diet.

now i just have to incorporate more exercise into my regimin and i believe i will be good to go. i have been searching but so far have not been able to find a dance video that is easy to do and fun on my cable network. i'll definitely keep looking though...i'm on a roll and don't want to stop!

if i knew then what i know now...

as a sufferer of hypothyroidism, ive been able to control most of the negative side effects that i have, but there's one that really bugs me, and for years i have not been able to control it...dry skin. my skin has been terribly dry for as long as i could remember, and sometimes it gets so bad that the skin on my face begins to get leathery, cracked and tender, and actually flakes away. it has been the worst, and i've tried over twenty products over the years to try and improve my skins condition. the issue with doing this however, has always been that you just in general have to be careful about what products you use--some of them can cause severe reactions, and worsen the condition. for about a year and a half (since ecobaby was born actually), ive been using lanolin for my terrible skin, figuring that if it could help cracked nipples from breastfeeding, it could help cracked skin from the dry winter weather and hypothyroidism. well i was right, to a point. the problem with the lanolin was that i had to apply it three times per day to have continuously soft and supple skin, it was thick and sticky to apply, and often left my face glossy looking for up to two hours, sometimes longer. but since it was the best option that i had, it was what i used. at least it somewhat controlled the flaking, and took away the itch. well! one day, while surfing the web, i just happened to come across an article explaining the way commercial lotions work. the article was so well written, and made quality lotions out to be heroes for people with extremely dry skin. it was a great article, but i was afraid to try out anything else other than my lanolin. fast forward two weeks later. i received in the mail a freebie packet that i had signed up for the month earlier. i had basically forgotten about the packet, and since it was a surprise packet, i wasnt sure what i was going to get (but me being the "if its free its for me" type, didnt mind the surprise). well lo and behold, the packet was full of facial care items, toiletries and lotions. so i took my chance and tried one by nivea.

it didnt melt my face off.

but...it also wasnt the absolute best. a few hours later, my face was dry and itchy. so i thought to myself, well nivea is top of the line and its not working for me, then there must be little hope for my face...little affordable hope anyway.

my face eventually got so tight, itchy and dry that i went to wash it and apply my lanolin...but i couldnt find it. ecobaby had gotten to it clearly, and thrown it somewhere. with a dry, tight, itching face i had no choice...

i ran into the bathroom, and slathered on my face the closest thing i could...my husbands dial nutri skin lotion.

i brought these huge bottles of dial nutri skin lotion for .99 each at a super sale shop rite was having, and i had 2.00 off coupons...so i racked up. and in over a year, had never used the stuff.

what in the world was wrong with me?!

this stuff IMMEDIATELY calmed my face down, IMMEDIATELY moisturized it, and IMMEDIATELY softened my skin. the next morning, my skin was STILL moisturized! it lasted through my sleep! i felt so good i didnt wash my face (dont judge me) until that night...and it wasnt until i washed my face that i needed a new application. so i generously applied it.

the next day, my flaky skin was gone. after about a week, i noticed that not only was my skin OBVIOUSLY improving in health and feel, but there were no adverse reactions. it has a light fresh scent, is non greasy/oily and is a pretty great deal at about 7.00 for a huge bottle (maybe 32 ounces?).

i officially fell in love.

now i use the stuff every day, all over my body, and cannot believe how clear my skin is getting, how much better it's feeling and how much better it looks. all the time the solution was right under my nose.

why didnt someone tell me about dial nutri skin lotion a year ago?! i could've saved myself some pretty painful days, but better late than never...this stuff is my new best friend!

the carbohydrate addicts diet.

so, i picked up from my freecycle list, the book "the carbohydrate addicts diet", upon the recommendation of the freecycler that it may help me in my weight loss journey, as her husband has been able to keep 50 pounds off his frame for well over two years with it. so i thought i'd read it, and if it sounded feasible for me, give it a shot. why not?

the basis of the diet is changing around your eating habits so that you consume all carbs at night, therefore curbing hunger, overeating and fat storage by preventing carbohydrates from triggering the release of the hunger signaling chemical insulin. eventually the benefits of the diet lead to insulin being properly produced and used, less sugars in the blood, and weight loss and better health. i've read over 100 reviews about the diet and it seems possible and sound for many people, especially those who like me, have a dependency on carbs. it makes sense to me.

today was my second complete day of following the diet. i will admit, already the idea of no carbs for breakfast and lunch was a huge turnoff...which is probably just a testament to how utterly addicted to carbs i truly am. both days i had a bacon and egg breakfast with a cup of coffee (ok i cheated and added 1 tsp of sugar to my coffee) and a bottle of water to wash everything down with. the meal filled me for about two hours, and then i was getting really hungry again. but since i eat breakfast around 10am...i only had an extra hour to go until lunch, and it passed quickly.

at lunch today, i had a HUGE salad of lettuce, olives, red beets and 1/2 a tomato sliced. i added my usual amount of dressing (which was the standard serving size). i know cottage cheese has carbs, and the book says that as long as the carb amount is below 4g per meal, we can wing it. so wing it i did. i had about 1/3 a cup of cottage cheese with my salad, which was about 3g of carbs. and i topped it off with deli ham. it was delicious and actually filled me up. or maybe i was just that hungry (when im hungry liver tastes delicious). i drunk 2 more cups of water and felt pretty good. i was thinking of adding tuna to the mix, but since i had tuna and asparagus YESTERDAY, i didnt want to eat it again. too much tuna is really no good for anyone, with all the chemicals in the waters these days.

so anyway...i made it for another 2 hours or so, and then i was really getting hungry again. it's interesting how i can be really full, and then the food just seems to burn off instantaneously, leaving me feeling REALLY hungry. anyway...after another hour, i felt as if i hadn't eaten all day, so i made another salad...same exact way. so yeah, that gave me 6g of carbs for lunch. not too bad, it still only amounts to about 2% of the daily recommended intake. another 2 glasses of water...and i was held over just fine until dinner.

i have to interject here. technically, by eating the second salad, i broke the rule of strictly 3 meals a day. but reading the thyroid diet (you can purchase it here), i learned that (and tried and find that it works for me) people with hypothyroidism (me), should always eat at least 5, preferably 6, small meals per day. so i did not feel bad for tweaking that part of the book and eating the second salad.

so dinner came, and because my husband was late coming home today, dinner was not made. it was supposed to be fried fish, green salad and spanish rice, a dish that we absolutely love. since i cannot fry fish, it was up to him to do it...he came in too late so dinner plans crashed. tomorrow ill just bake the fish. anyway, that left me getting really hungry. so i decided to just make my favorite immediate fix--a good ole bowl of frosted flakes. i had the normal amount i eat, one full bowl. i topped it off with 2 cookies and a half glass of milk. because i didn't eat any fruit, i also chomped into a big ole wedge of delicious pineapple.

now, for those who dont know, i have a steel plated stomach. i can eat a myriad of foods in one sitting and not get sick. so pineapple, cereal, cookies, milk, seltzer water and olives all on the same plate is right up my alley.

i felt stuffed afterwards. this was at about 8pm. since the diet said to make sure to finish everything from the last meal within the hour, i did that, and felt pretty ok.

now, i'm slowly starting to feel myself get hungry again. eek! i know im going to break the one hour rule, just because i can't go to bed hungry.

as i see, im the person that cuts corners. due to my thyroid illness, i have to be careful with the way i eat. so i figured maybe (as many of the reviews i read suggest), that i could tweak the diet to fit my individual needs. instead of eating meat and fat all day, the idea is to eat my meat and eggs for breakfast, and once every few days, have a slice of low carb bread with it, and some butter, and maybe a touch of low sugar jelly. then to eat a huge thing of veggies for lunch, with lean meat, or seafood. this way, i am not depriving myself of my veggies for the day. then, when the evening comes, have my dinner early (this is easy because its summer), flesh it out really well, add at least 4 servings of fruit to it, have my regular meal and whatever goodies i want without the guilt. despite switching the meals so that carbs are always saved for the end of the day, i have to make sure i eat veggies and fruits too.

someone in one of the reviews said that she could not go absolutely with no carbs all day long, so she tweaked it to have a small serving of carbs for breakfast some days, and then none for lunch, and only a small serving for dinner on the days she had them for breakfast. on the days she has no carbs for breakfast, she treats herself liberally for dinner. she said this satisfies her way more and she's still maintaining her weight loss. so it can be an idea that if this works for me, i can have some tweaking too, with strict moderation, just to keep my thyroid at a healthy place. since there are some limitations to what i can eat anyway with thyroid issues, a menu is paramount daily.

also, the book has recipes for low carb breads, which are just fine to eat during the day. i find that in general, it's a great idea to REALLY start experimenting with recipes on this sort of lifestyle change. there are TONS of recipes that are low carb that people can eat for breakfast and lunch. and considering that most americans eat no fruits and veggies daily, it wont exactly kill them to hold off with eating certain veggies and some fruits until dinner.

i know two people personally (not including the freecycler who gave me the book) who have been on similar menu plans and it has worked for them. one person is an old college teacher, who lost 190 pounds on this exact diet, and has kept it off going on maybe 15 years now. the second person is my neighbor, who says she follows the diet and she feels alot better, at the recommendation of her doctor (who did not recommend the book, but recommended a similar style of eating--limiting carbs to 1 meal per day). she admitted to falling off the 1 carbie meal per day bandwagon, but is now considering trying it again).

this may not be such a bad idea for me.

my results are especially promising. between yesterday and today...ive lost 1.4 pounds. today was the lowest weight reading ive had in WEEKS. and i had to lose the weight because i weigh myself wearing the same thing daily, and the scale has never been so low. also, i immediately noticed that i have more energy. im not sluggish and i dont need naps during the day anymore. also, i know this is tmi...but im going to say it anyway. today my bowels moved the best they have in months. this is an immediate change.

the only downside is that i have to break up the strict 3 meals per day rule. i simply have been advised NOT to go that long between meals, it can wreak havoc on my metabolism. so i will not. still losing 1.5 pounds and cutting all of the corners i did yesterday sounds as if i can definitely tweak this diet.

i'm going to shop later this week for the ingredients to make the low carb bread, and im definitely going to search around for low carb recipes. i have to flesh out my breakfast and lunch more if this is something that may help me out. funny, but ive been praying for God to help me find the encouragement to cook and dibble dabble with recipes more. welp, here it is--the perfect reason to do just that.

i would have NEVER thought my carb intake could've been the cause of alot of my ill. here i am blaming my thyroid for the difficulties losing weight. but the more i think about it, the more i AM recognizing a correlation between my carb intake and weight gain, exhaustion after eating and yes, being hungry relatively quickly after eating.

i will definitely be reporting my progress with this dietary change regularly. with the way i'm going, i may even add a new label LOL. "dieting101" or something LOL. anyway, i'm just thankful to God for allowing freecycle to once again be the way to a blessing. even if this isnt exactly for me (and ill know within a few weeks if it is or not), ill never look at carbs the same, simply because of how good i feel.

any feedback about this diet, or others like that is appreciated....i'm definitely going to see where this road takes me!

martha, martha, martha!

so, i love martha stewart. well, let me correct myself. i have an ever growing admiration for martha that may be somewhat borderline obsessive. she definitely keeps me on my toes and encourages me to do my job as a stay at home mom as best i can: just two days ago, after reading the latest issue of her magazine (which i got for free via !!) and seeing a particularly pretty picture of some its-never-quite-as-easy-to-make-as-it-sounds-or-looks decoration she put in a window, i decided to clean my windows. now...granted, i only cleaned one (and got exhausted in the process), and it was the smallest window in my home (the kitchen window over the sink), but! i cleaned that window so well that martha would've certainly been proud of me. as a matter of fact, i cleaned that window so well that later in the day when i came downstairs and entered the kitchen, i got scared because i thought someone had lifted it up to break in! of course that hadn't actually happened, it was just so spotless that it LOOKED like the pane had been lifted. needless to say, my window certainly looks good enough to have a cameo in martha's awesome magazine with all of the other perfectly pictured windows.

my admiration for all things martha is growing at the speed of light. i've now found her show on tv, and i watch it in my morning lineup. she's funny, because her OCD always kicks in on her guests, but she's always very proper about it. i always giggle at and now look forward to her interrupting guests to move on to the next tidbit of info in her oh-so-martha way. i LOVE the way she always loads her guests up with freebies! i also got a recipe for a cake on the show. one that looked so easy to make and delicious when it was done that i'd wondered where i'd gone wrong at not learning how to bake from the womb. of course, i won't be making the cake, but she certainly made the baker in me stir, if only for five brief minutes.

one thing she did teach me, that i will be using from now on, is to think outside of the box, and to not be afraid to experiment (especially with foods--which im always terrified to do). the other day, i had crackers with cream cheese, ham and olives. that's something i would have NEVER thought to eat. but i tried it (thank you martha) and it was pretty good! im even considering experimenting with making homemade breads.

hmph. i am now a martha stewart fan. i have learned to make soil healthy, make no knead pizza dough, and how to make clam soup. whether or not i will ever put these things to regular use in my life remains to be a mystery, but i do feel like martha would certainly approves that i've learned.

now that's a happy dog!

figured i'd start the work week off with a positive post about baby, whom i haven't spoken about in a while. as most know from previous posts, baby has severe immune system depression that has led to an overgrowth of demodex mites on her body, resulting in a seemingly incurable case of demodex mange. i have tried everything for this dog and spent thousands of dollars on her in an attempt to help her heal and lead a physically healthy and comfortable life. in more recent times, loss of income has made this feat akin to trying to find a needle in a haystack, and eventually things got so bad that i contemplated putting her to sleep. she was always in pain, always scratching, always suffering from secondary infection and always one step away from misery. her only saving grace was that with a sweet heart and ever optimistic attitude, baby never let her condition get the best of her, until...

i was no longer able to keep her. she had to move in with my mother, who then, due to financial reasons, decided to sell her house here in the north and move south. when she left, she could not bring baby. and since i couldn't bring baby home, that left her living with my sister. it was ok for a while, but as the months went on, baby started to become stressed from lonliness (my sister works about 60 hours a week) and her condition began to get worse. i tried to alleviate things by bringing baby over for weekend visits and keeping up with her diet and medical regimine, but having a new baby drowned that out quickly, and eventually i found myself desperate to get my dog and myself out of this no win situation.

it was only by the grace of God that this dog has gotten a new lease on life. no one would adopt her with such severe health problems (she also has allergies) and i had no financial recourse to help her. i was praying for my pooch regularly, for her help, for my help...for some way out of this mess!

and then it came, an answer to my prayers. in december 2011, my mother called me up and said, "i'm going to come and get my granddog baby, bring her down here with me (in north carolina) and let her see a vet down here. we'll see how she does." well, it's been a month that baby has been in her new home with grandma, and from the picture i was sent, it looks like she's getting along just fine in her new home. other than an aversion to walking on dewy grass in the morning, she is taking to country life just fine. for 200.00, my mother was able to get her care that would cost well over 1000.00 here. she has also been cleared to receive a mitoban dip by her new vet, who is watching her progress on the medication. my mother reports that baby has reacted wonderfully to the first treatment, and already doesn't scratch anymore! she has a slight infection in one eye, but it is being treated too. as is visible in the picture, her fur is even growing back in! all of this in less than a month is amazing! baby's favorite place is the huge yard my mother has, and despite the house being placed just off a very busy county road (which i call a 2 lane super highway), baby is safe and knows how to stay away from it. that was a concern of mine...

but goodness! i am so relieved that baby has a new lease on life, in a new place that she loves, with family! now THAT'S a blessing!

"worry is a misuse of imagination." ~dan zadra

spring is here!

so, spring is here, and i couldn't wait to get back to blogging for some odd reason. maybe it's because everything is so new and it's a time to start over, or maybe it's because the longer and sunnier days have my disposition feeling cheery, or maybe it's just because i've missed my blog. at any rate, it's spring and i am happy to be blogging lol.

this year has been a blessing as always, and even through the struggles ive been having with my family and individually, we are still immensely blessed. ecobaby is growing taller every day and now sports a headfull of soft, curly locks! she has fully benefitted from mommy's breastmilk--my only regret is that i stopped her at 1 year instead of continuing on. however, it was becoming extremely difficult for me to produce milk even with fenugreek supplements, so i'm just thankful to have been able to give her nearly a year's worth of milk. with 6 pearly whites to show with every smile, she is now beyond walking to running and getting into everything, and keeping mommy, daddy and siblings diligently on our toes.

our oldest daughter is struggling in school. she is a very social creature, and has allowed her social life override her education, which has resulted in her grades slipping and her mouth getting her in trouble more often than not. as of a few weeks ago, she was actually in danger of repeating 6th grade. due to behavioral issues that have been professionally addressed, her struggles are a bit more intense than they would be under normal circumstances, so it is pretty much a critical situation with her. i am revamping the way that i approach this situation with her, because not only was my previous way of dealing with these difficulties counterproductive to her, they were also counterproductive to my family and i. we are now in a very delicate and very difficult to navigate position, but i am learning patience and to watch what i say and do with her, and it has been helping out. step by step, day by day, and some days seem slower than others, but looking back, i do see changes happening. i am continuing to pray over the situation, and i am continuing to look for Jesus' hand to guide us through.

our ten year old daughter has also been struggling a bit in school, but that's mainly due to laziness on her behalf, and a penchant for drawing and artwork that is overtaking a penchant for listening to the teacher. she absolutely loves her drawing and artwork, and lately her masterpeices have been not only taking over her world, but they've taken over ours as well! artwork all over the bedroom, all over my kitchen table, stuffed in every pocket of her bookbag. this is a passion gone awry, one that we have spoken about, and that she has promised to reign in just a bit. but by no means am i stopping her...we have the next picasso on our hands, believe me as i type it!

our 6 year old is progressing along very well. now more than halfway through kindergarten, she is finally taking to school, and got all a's and b's this marking period, an improvement from all b's and 1 c last marking period. because this is her first full year of school, her teacher is very pleased with her progress. she was struggling with letter recognition, but with the help of outside resources and learning books gifted to us from my mother, a retired teacher, she is coming along beautifully. i am especially pleased because she had such a difficult time adjusting to prek that i not only took her out of prek, but i was dreading kindergarten. but she's taking to it like a fish to water. this serves as a lesson for me never to underestimate my parenting skills. i went against my better judgement by sending her to school before i felt she was ready; now i am relieved to see that taking her out and keeping her home was a good move on my behalf. mornings are still a struggle for her, as she's not too thrilled with waking up so early, but once we get the ball rolling, everything is all good!

my husband is also doing well. although he has not gotten a permanent position anywhere as of yet, that is something for our prayer life, something that we are trusting God about. i would be afraid for us, but fear is not of God. so i have no place for it in my life or heart. i am happy to say that my husband has completed a 21 day fast (not perfectly, but he kept getting back up and going right back on the fast, and i can say his slip ups were unintentional. one meal he ate had bread in it and he didnt know)! i am so proud of him--and i do believe we were mightily blessed by his endeavor. he was saved in may of 2011, so that was a huge step for him. we are doing better than ever on our marital journey, keeping God first and allowing everything to fall into place. i'll be blogging more about this journey as time goes on.

now for me! whew. where to begin? i am teeter tottering on everything it seems. my weight, my thyroid, my studies, everything...even my blogging. i dont want to turn this into a pity party where i kick my own back in...but i am not happy with my progress on anything. another reason for blogging. to help me keep myself on track with the goals that i have in life. my life is so packed and so busy, that i deserve this to not only share myself and what i have to offer, but to help me keep myself on track, and get encouragement. which makes me even more fully welcome the spring and be happy it's here! a new season, a new beginning, and a new attitude!

problems?

the mass of mess that i took a picture of are my locs. i don't know what the issue has been since i've had the baby (well having a baby could be the issue--i've been having a trillion other bodily problems since delivering ecobaby--my fourth baby) but my locs in the front have been seeminingly thinning and pushing themselves back from my hairline.

now the interesting part about this situation is if you look carefully in the picture you'll notice that the locs are thinning because all of the hair isn't catching in the locs. however, my hair is not thinning nor is it breaking off. the edges are just not growing with the rest of the hair to form a coil for my loc. when i retwist my hair, they look neat and get thick at the roots. but as the week progresses, they frizz up and "undo", leaving me with a loc that is much thinner at the root than the length of the lock, with literally a "puff" of hair that is standing up around the loc.

i've looked everywhere online and can't seem to find any real way to combat this issue. i have maintained my same hair regimine for the four years (well nearly four--wow time flies i know) that i've had my locs, but perhaps it's time to change it up. my hair could easily be changing due to a trillion things, including getting older (30 is the new 50 in this day and time) and having a baby. actually this issue honestly just started when i gave birth, so that's my best guess as to why this is happening. i've heard repeated stories from others i know say that locs grow in "stages"...and sometimes they grow thinly and a few months later start to thicken up. my mom's locs seem to be experiencing this phenomenon as each loc on her head seems to have areas of thickness followed by thinness, and then they thicken up again. it hasn't really affected her locs much--they're down her back.

i'm not too worried, mainly because this is only happening around the edges of my head. the middle is just fine (and way neater, might i add). my locs haven't grown much from the length they were here...as you can see, it wasn't even that long ago that i wrote it. so i can't really blame this phenomenon on my locs being much longer than they were before this problem started.

in the meantime, i'm going to rinse my locs way more (i do have a residual build up happening that i'm getting tired of looking at--you may even be able to see it in the picture) and twist them more gently. if there was a way that i could think of to somehow "tie" the puffs of hair back into the main loc...i'd be way happier. this DID happen about 2 years ago and i used individual sterling silver necklace links to secure the puffs to the loc by opening the link and then squeezing it closed around the root of my loc WITH the loose hair puffs. eventually the puffs loc'ed back into the dread and the silver links also got loc'ed in. it helped alot, although there was still flyaway hair around the locs. i did this with about 15 locs in the front of my head and now the silver links fall past my lips...they're almost to my jaw on the sides of my head...so my hair has really grown in 2 years. i am thinking of trying this process again...now i have to find some loose silver laying around.

just call me martha...

...stewart! or raechel rae. or better yet, call me emeril! because that's who i am...the next emeril! i'm not like a professional chef, i am a professional chef! i'm a cooking extraordinaire. i'm a master of culinary arts...

or at least i'm on my way!

hehe. i decided to go on and give making yogurt a try since i find making homemade baby food so easy and enjoyable. it really is amazing how simple it is to make some of the best stuff on earth. thanks to WholesomeBabyFood and A Year of Slowcooking for these great and awesome recipes! although i follow the baby food website to a t because i don't want to botch up the food my precious ecobaby has to eat, i changed up the directions for my yogurt recipe. instead of heating the milk in the crockpot, i simply scalded it on the stove, poured it into my preheated crockpot, let it cool to a temperature of 110 degrees, and then mixed in my yogurt. so in essence, all the recipe calls for is hot milk, plain yogurt, and a place to keep the milk warm while the cultures reproduce. simply let the milk cool down before adding the yogurt because the cultures will die if the milk is too hot.

i have to say, both ecobaby's food AND the yogurt are DELICIOUS! because ecobaby has no teeth and hasn't developed her chewing motions, i thin out her baby food so it has NO chunks in it, just a tad thicker than soup. and because i love my yogurt thick, i seperate the whey from it until it's a thick consistency, like sour cream or greek yogurt. it's easy to seperate the whey as well. simply line a colander with cheesecloth, add the yogurt and let the whey drip out from the colander. make sure to put the colander into a larger bowl so the whey can be collected (and don't throw it out--there are tons of other uses for it: making cheese from it, watering your plants, incorporating it into baking recipes and shakes, drinking it straight--although i hear it's nasty--or giving it to your pets for added nutrition).

i don't know what i'm gonna make next for ecobaby--so far she eats carrots, applesauce and applejuice, peas, sweet potatoes, bananas and rice. i was thinking about summer squash, but i believe that's a bit too mature for her stomach to digest. i also want to wait to start beans. i'm thinking maybe pears and avocado?

as for the yogurt, strawberries, blueberries and cheerios all the way baby!

"rich people arent getting into heaven!"

so. lately ive been having an interesting debate (one that i will admit had me in tears at one point) over Christianity and money. namely, prosperity preachers, money and the "justtrynnamakeittoheaven" Christian.

the debate started over a question about prosperity preachers, namely what's so bad about them. well most people who know me also know that i will defend those pp's that i feel really are just trying to spread the Good News of Jesus to the world (and yes, i believe some of them--who i call televised evangelicals lol--really are simply trying to get to tell the world about the love of Christ for every person). so, as usual, there was the usual brigade of Christians that hate them, their message and what they preach, and then there was lil ole me...who still hasnt yet heard an argument from a single Christian to make me ban ALL televised evangelicals from my home. the best argument i got from a Christian was "prosperity preachers advocate that if you arent a billionaire, then it's because you dont have enough faith in Jesus Christ." now i loved that argument, and i agreed, that if someone teaches that, they are indeed wrong. but i have to be honest and say...i have never one time heard any of the te's i like say this. never a single time. and i am still waiting for someone to show me proof of them saying, and insinuating this or anything like this. there are many things i HAVE heard them say, but never that. but i digress.

either way, the debate wound up going into another arena...wealth and Christianity. i did a little research and continued to debate, and was amazed with some of the mindsets Christians today have. i heard everything from, "Jesus was poor, destitute and dirty" to "we should be poor, destitute and dirty as Jesus was" to "we should just be poor people" to "all rich people serve money so can't love God" to the famous "rich people arent getting into heaven!" gotta admit, i was shocked.

seems to me, that for whatever reason, Christians seem to think many things about Christianity and money, none of them good: Jesus wants us poor, destitute and physically suffering, that money is not, and cannot, be a blessing, that anyone who is rich and says they are Christian is a liar, that having financial security equates to being a "billionaire", that being a billionaire is an automatic pass to hell, that we should NOT pray for financial security, and that not worrying about tomorrow somehow translates into not planning for tomorrow.

and ill be the one Christian to stand up and say: i do not believe that Jesus wants us to be poor, that suffering financially is not His will for us, and that money IS a blessing, and that you do not have to be a billionaire to be rich.

and after a week of debating, i still feel this way (although i will admit, i was shell shocked for a while to even see so many Christians praising being poor).

i really think the entire "it's good to be poor" argument from many Christians is just an excuse for their current financial situations. many of us (yes im including myself here--no holier than thou's from this woman) seem to think that it's ok to be in debt, not able to pay our bills or enjoy ANYTHING money can bring us, and to not have a plan for the future (because Jesus will provide). now dont get me wrong, yes Jesus will provide and as Christians, we are NOT to depend on money to meet our needs, put it above our love for God, or allow it to rule us in ANY way. but this does NOT mean having money is a sin, or a bad thing, and nowhere does the Bible say it's ok to be in debt, to owe, that continuing debt is good. as a matter of fact, the Bible teaches that we should NOT be in debt to any person:

Ecclesiastes 5:5
It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay.

Romans 13:8
Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law

Psalm 37:21
The wicked borrows and does not pay back, but the righteous is gracious and gives.

Proverbs 22:7
The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower becomes the lender’s slave.


we as Christians, should plan for the future, as well as budget our money wisely:

Proverbs 13:16
A wise man thinks ahead; a fool doesn’t, and even brags about it!

Ecclesiastes 11:2
Divide your portion to seven, or even to eight, for you do not know what misfortune may occur on the earth.

Proverbs 24:3-4
Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms shall be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

money is a blessing. it was with money that jacob was able to care for his family during the famine. it was with money that paul was able to travel the world spreading the Good News. the people of God were abundantly blessed (and financially blessed) throughout the Bible. all of their needs were met continually. moses, david, abraham, solomon, ruth, boaz, the israelites, esther...the list goes on. these people were hugely blessed by God because of their love and committment towards Him. and only when did they allow their love for their lifestyles and money to overrule their love for God, did they run into trouble.

but this is not saying that money is a bad thing, and the only good Christian is a broke Christian. the Bible tells us that it's better to give than to receive. well, that's where money comes in! how are we, as Christians, going to give when we have nothing to give? my mother used to spend her money on helping her students purchase coats, clothes, shoes and food when they didnt have (and she taught 1st grade so can you imagine)? she didn't tell the children, "i'm going to pray that you get shoes"...she BROUGHT them shoes. now how in the world was she going to get them shoes without money? beg the mall stores for free shoes? Christians can do more good with money than without. i'm not saying Christians can't do good without money. just that we can do more good with it than without. i had a friend recently tell me she had no food to feed her family. did i say, "oh child, i hope you get food to feed those children?" while i fed my family like fat rats? no. i offered her money for her family. she told me i blessed her. i told her i blessed her because Jesus blessed me...with the money to give to her.

dont get me wrong. i am not advocating that with money we dont need Jesus. just the opposite. im advocating that money is because of Jesus, and as we get that blessing called money, it's our jobs to bless others (especially Christians in need) with that money. that's the purpose of money. it's not for us to selfishly hoard, but it's for us to bless our communities and churches with. it's for us to purchase good things to help us enjoy this life while giving God the glory.

someone told me, "wanting a new car or home is idolizing!" so, me wanting a new van to safely transport my family around, have a warranty and the newest safety features, and have transportation that accomodates ALL of my family members (we have a large family and need 7 seats and seat belts) is idolizing? what should i want...to walk around in 4 feet of snow and in 98 degrees of heat with 5 children instead of driving? or, take a lemon with problems and possibly not as safe as a new van over the van just to say i denied myself? should i not ever have a new home because i'm saved? have 5 children sleeping uncomfortably in 1 bedroom with no privacy or room to grow "in Jesus' name"? someone said it perfectly, "you dont get any points for suffering needlessly". will i make it to heaven any more quickly for turning down a new car or home and instead continuing to walk or live in cramped quarters? does Jesus want us to suffer needlessly? when He tells us we will suffer in His name...i think He means we will be persecuted for following and loving Him, not for being poor and broke as all get out.

God tells us the more we give, the more we will receive (i have heard televised evangelicals preach THIS). the more we bless others, the more we will be blessed. this is truth, i am a living testament to this. for 2 years (and counting) we have not had a stable income in our home. so we do not have money. my husband was laid off, as was i, and neither of have been able to find work for a few reasons. but we have NOT lost out on ANYTHING but cable tv. in a time where people are losing everything they've ever had, my family has been well kept. we havent lost anything! to God be the glory...an unemployed family of 7 with NO income at all and we have been saved through the storm! i truly believe it's because we are a giving family. we are not hoarders, we are not selfish. we give freely what we have, time, attention, food, clothes, gifts. we bless others, and in these hard times, we have been blessed. why can't this same rule apply to the money we are given?

i read a book where the author claims that the more money she gives, the more money she gets! she said she can never seem to get rid of her money, and continues to amass more and more. she not only tithes and offers to her church, but she gives offerings to anyone that blesses her with Jesus' love. she said she gives one amount, gets double that back. that she just cannot outgive God...that He's blessing her so much it's borderline ridiculous. she said she keeps her tithing rules faithfully...and God is faithful in His promise to always meet her needs.

the key to her story is...she keeps money in it's appropriate position. and she doesnt let her become her master her or cause her to forget who comes first in her life, Christ Jesus. she gives freely, because she knows God will always keep her needs met. she has no need for money because she has Jesus' protection and Promise in every area of her life, but she also doesnt find anything wrong with living nicely because of the money she has been given, since she has it. she just knows it's only a means to an end while she's on this earth, not the end itself.

now this is what i'm talking about. money should be a blessing, and the more you get, the more you should give...especially to other believers! Jesus blesses us with money, and we should use that money to help meet the needs of others.

Proverbs 3:9-10
Honor the Lord from your wealth and from the first of all your produce; So your barns will be filled with plenty and your vats will overflow with new wine.

to have the narrow minded view that people who have money aren't saved, or that Christ said rich people won't go to heaven (He didnt say this. He said that it will be difficult for them to make it into heaven, NOT because they had money, but because they tend to serve money and not God) is so old an antiquated i can't even believe people are still teaching it. to paint a picture of Jesus wanting us destitute, hungry, sitting up at night worrying how our needs will be met--is such a blatant misrepresentation of Jesus it's blaspehmous! but when we teach ourselves and others that Jesus wants us "poor", we are saying just this, that the God we serve doesn't want us to enjoy life (who can enjoy life having their most basic needs NOT met??) i couldnt believe it when a well known website i frequent said "we should strive to be [financially] poor like Jesus was". wow. why should we strive to be poor? what are we hoping to accomplish as Christians by being poor, that we absolutely cannot accomplish being financially stable? Jesus was poor for a reason-- to show us that money is not what gets us to heaven, but leaning wholly on Him is. He wasn't poor just for poorness' sake, being poor just to suffer and set example that poor is where it's at. and there are disagreements in the Christian community over how poor Jesus really was. at any rate, ALL of His needs were met, whether or not He had an excess of money He didn't have a place to lay his head, but He slept soundly every night. He didnt have a bank account, but when it was time to pay taxes, Jesus had His coinage! Jesus didnt say "dont have money, it's a sin to have money!" if it was a sin, no one in the Bible wouldve been blessed with it. He just commanded that we use it wisely and remember it's purpose in the grand scheme of things. one of my family members made an excellent observation, "have you ever seen anyone destitute gather souls for Jesus?" and my honest to goodness answer is "no". when i see the poor downtrodden in the streets, people around them tend to be trying to get as far away from them as possible, not squating around listening to them while they preach about Jesus (and many of them do). i am even sure that there have been the occasional nonbeliever walking around thinking, "well if that's what believing in Jesus will get me...i'm better off without Him!" as they either drop a nickel in a cup, or run the other way.

as far as the televised evangelicals go...while many of them do improperly use money, i think it's silly to say they all do. i sense a tinge of jealousy in those Christians who are damning other wealthy Christians. ive heard people say some wealthy Christians dress too nicely to be true Christians, and live lifestyles that are too lavish. it's beyond crazy to think that anyone bringing in a decent amount of money will look like a pauper all the time. even bill gates, who shops at walmart, wears nice clothes to work! lil ole justin beiber has his own tour bus. i suppose he should sell it and walk to his tours, all around the world! if i were to attain a certain level of wealth, i would spend money on nice clothing as well, because there is nothing sinful about dressing in quality garments.

Jesus made the world and everything in it, including money. so it cant be a bad thing. satan didnt make anything but sin, and that includes the sinful use of money. God uses money to elevate some for His purposes, and He keeps money from some for His purposes. not having money has been one of the most difficult, yet one of the most spiritually rewarding times of my life! i am with Jesus all the way and i am growing an understanding and appreciation for money that i've never had before. when it's time for me to reap my harvest and sew seeds so others may reap, i pray i will always let Jesus lead the way, and keep me financially conditioned.

i believe as long as our mindsets for money are right--we will have enough to meet our needs. why? because i dont think we are supposed to live with lack, but we must have a healthy mindset for money. if we obtain more money than for just our needs, there is nothing wrong with that, so long as we share the wealth.

the rules.

so, at my daughter's last therapy session (she has been diagnosed as having adhd and odd), i was given ways to combat behavioral problems in our household and ideas on how to use punishment effectively. this was namely to help my daughter control her impulsive, often defiant behaviors, but it also ran over to aid overall in the way my husband and i care for our children).

one of our tasks was to create a list of what we dubbed "the rules", a short list of house rules that everyone, any time they are in the household, must obey at all times. everyone is every one...adults and children, family and friends. if a person cannot obey the rules then there is a consequence, depending on who the person is. if the person is an adult that lives in the home, then the children have a right to remind the adult of the rule(s) they broke. if the person is one of the children, then they lose a privledge for a single day. if the person is a guest in the home, then they will not be allowed back into the home for a specific amount of time.

so, everyone thought about rules they would like to see implemented, and once we did that, we took a vote on what we collectively felt were the best rules, and used them to create our rule list (the great thing about this was the fact that everyone thought about a great rule, so everyone has a rule on the rule list). from there, each child rewrote "the rules" on poster board and decorated it. the finished lists were then posted in each room of the house. this is so "the rules" will always be on display within the house, and can be referred back to if need be.

now, i have to admit that just the idea of the rule list got the girls' attention. once we sat down to discuss "the rules", they knew mommy and daddy were serious. once the lists were finished and hung, i think i heard a few gulps go around. there was definitely a difference in attitude once "the rules" were visible in every room.

just that action modified behaviors.

for about an hour.

obviously, nearly everyone forgot the rules...even me. i got upset and called one of my daughters silly acting, and had to remind myself of the rules. ecobaby started screaming (to which my husband loudly replied "someone turn that baby down!" before he reminded HER at 6 months old, that she was breaking a rule). my oldest daughter started to tease my second daughter, and she retaliated by yelling at her. two more rulebreakers. the only person that made it out of the battle of "the rules" without any wounds was my husband and our third oldest baby, broodybaby.

my consequence was that i had the guilt of namecalling on my mind, our oldest and second oldest girls had to forgo watching a movie before bedtime, and the baby had to go to sleep. my husband smirked at not breaking any rules, and watched the after dinner movie with broodybaby.

the oldest two went upstairs crying, and begging for forgiveness, to which i had the honor of shutting them down asap (another suggestion i was given in therapy is to not entertain pleas, parental no's mean NO and that's final).

it was hard for me NOT to entertain them, which lets me know that i usually entertain them.

but i followed through on it, told them that the decision was FINAL, "the rules" were broken and the movie was taken away from them. i reminded them that tomorrow is another day and they can make better decisions to have better outcomes for events (another suggestion given to me).

i already feel parentally worked in ways i haven't been in a long time. there must be something to what my therapist is saying, because it FEELS like this will be a good thing for us in the long run.

but please don't let that pretty, colorful, short and sweet lil ole rules list fool you. "the rules" are serious contenders in my household, and they have made their presence known, already affecting the lives of every person in this house.

i'm just hoping they dont jump off the paper and beat us into obedience.

something's gotta give.

my brain is 100% fried. i mean...totally.

ive been experiencing a series of spiritual attacks lately, stemming from i believe a debate with a few atheists i had about a month ago on a website that, ironically, has nothing to do with religion (or lack thereof).

for me, having an attack is a mixture of events. sometimes i get bad migraines, misplace things, find myself easily agitated at everything the children do, have bad dreams, forget important events or details...

this time around, its all of that and then some. today i forgot the passwords to EVERY website i visit on the internet. its taken me more than a few hours to either remember them or reset the passwords because i just forgot totally. i also have a huge migraine and my brain is just on overload. ive been having these odd dreams and im having trouble remembering names, ideas, and even words i want to use when conveying ideas. at random times ive experienced utter and complete sadness at certain events or happenings in society. i will also admit, ive been struck with bouts of what i call faith doubt. wondering if what i believe is accurate, true, or sensible.

for me, this is nothing unexperienced before. as a naturally emotional, intuitive person, i rarely allow myself to "experience" society because i tend to internalize everything. because i dont like to bring attacks of the spirit on myself, i try to limit my interactions with certain personalities as well as social media outlets.

these attacks when i engage heavily in theological debate, as i said before. and it's what i've been doing alot lately.

but something new is happening this time. out of every spiritual attack, i have a huge amount of spiritual growth it seems. ideas and thoughts just come bursting forth, and i obtain more courage to speak exactly whats on my mind. ive never experienced this before.

im also "feeling something in the air". i cant put it any other way, but around the internet and in my personal life, im hearing other Christians speaking of the same thing--so it cant just be me going through this. i feel like something is going on, and honestly, in a way ive never experienced before, i am looking forward to the return of Christ. it is almost shocking to even myself because i never thought id be excited for the events of the world to unfold as they are. i used to laugh at those in Christ who expressed excitement at the future, thinking they were a little less than sane. now i find myself in the boat with them!

add to this all that my mind is overrun with the desire to learn new things and start ideas ive been harboring for a long time, and i honestly feel a bit like im going crazy. ive been reading books like a mad person, trying to soak up all of the earthly knowledge that i can. im thinking of new ideas and its really like a part of my brain has been opened up, and im really out of sorts with the whole thing.

something's gotta give.

my senses are on overload.

am i the only one??? or are there other people going through the same thing i am going through???

"i dont discuss religion or politics." ~almost everyone

happy birthday!

id like to give a big happy birthday shout out to my locs! they are three years old today. :o)

time surely flew by quickly...i remember when my mom first twisted my hair into little natty sections and i had to struggle to get my hair to look anything other than a confused mess.

i remember putting little hair clips in it to give it some style.

i remember when my first loc actually was created, right at the base of my neck.

i remember wishing it were longer.

i remember wishing the front would finally loc once the back did.

i remember finally appreciating my hair length just as it was.

i remember coloring my locs for the first time.

i remember our first real argument--when they were just unruly and wouldn't listen to directions.

i remember my first compliment.

i remember my first criticism (which just happened to be by my mom--the woman who put them in. smh).

i remember those days where i wondered if natural hair was for me (i dont think i fit america's definition of beauty).

i remember not being able to wait...

until they were three years old. and here we are! i am so excited, and i love my hair. i always get compliments now and i always recommend people of color go back to their kinky natural hair.

i love my locs.

my locs love me.

happy birthday locs!

i did it!!!

i cooked!!! and i did it from scratch!!!

tonight were having stir fry with white rice for dinner (i can't get down with the brown rice quite yet). it came out pretty good for a first try. i even made the sauce from scratch and adjusted the ingredients a bit it came out really good! I've never been much of a cook and as we all know, i have an anxiety about botching up the recipes thus wasting food. but i put on my big girl undies, brought all of the ingredients, and gave it a shot. and the best part is (besides the fact that there is none left over) is that i didn't ruin it on my first shot.

i can even see how some people grow to love cooking. its a more relaxing and enjoyable experience than i thought.

next up on my cooking tryout list: coconut bars. sounds great. hopefully they come out tasting great.

bid me well!

good eating...

requires good cooking. now i have to admit, eating a healthier diet not only is better for you, but it actually tastes better too. however, i'm still having issues with wanting to cook.

i've never been suzy homemaker in the kitchen, and that hasn't changed, even though i probably have more of a desire now than ever before to eat better. but unfortunately, i'm as allergic to cooking now as i've ever been. just the thought of being in the kitchen gives me the heebie jeebies. measuring ingredients, adding spices, watching cooking times and temperatures, blahhhhhh! if only i could find somebody to cook for my family, id be in healthy heaven.

or maybe i could just get up and try to cook.

i have to admit, i haven't actually tried to cook anything new and/or especially healthy. i just toy and play around with the idea. but thats as far as i get because i get freaked out.

i wonder, are there other people with a phobia of cooking? or am i the only one?

well, at least i did learn how to bake fish and make mashed potatoes, and we eat salad at least 3 times per week (as shown in my picture yay). and i am learning how to saute veggies since i got some great quality saute pans from freecycle.

i'm getting there. just pray for me lol.

my locs as of late.

well here are my locs thus far! they're finally getting it together to the point where i no longer have to pin them after twisting them...a blessing because i lost all of my hair pins anyway and money is too tight to replace them now. i want to add more jewelry to them as well. i was contemplating adding more color to them for the summer but i'm not so sure about that anymore as the only color i can add to my hair without any damage to it is black, and that looks better on me in the winter.  we shall see as time mosies on along exactly what's next for us!