Saturday, March 14, 2009

well well.

seems i've been gone longer than i thought and my computer is blinking out more than i thought. things are really tight for me right now, my family is doing well but i am feeling the tightness of the economy very badly now.

we have six months to the gate and sometimes i feel that this is never going to end. i never would have imagined in 1000 years that i would be the one having all the trouble adjusting to hubby coming home. but it's's me. my emotions are just everywhere. i'm second, third and fourth guessing what we had and what we have, where we are and where we will be. i've been going through just so many emotions and it's harder than i thought it would be to keep a lid on them all.

he, on the other hand, is so excited to be coming home that virtually nothing puts a damper in his day. he's just as snug as a bug in a rug. he has his days but for the most part, he's looking towards the future, not being able to wait to get home and just enjoy his family--children and wife.

i have to remind myself to let myself go with the flow. what will be will be, and it will all work out for the best provided i do my best. he's telling me to have faith in us, and in all that we have accomplished and want to accomplish. i am trying to do that, but i won't lie--it's very harrowing. the what ifs are trying to eat me alive. and it's an every day battle to keep them away, back and down and out of my life.

all i know is that one golden rule of prison bidding--what we prison wives both near and far know and should live by--one day at a time. and that's what i'm doing, one day at a time, because i can't do it any other way. unless you consider the whole one hour at a time schtick, which i have been utilizing more often as well.

so we will see how it goes. i'm still being myself, watching my locs grow, being frugal supermom and loving wife, but i have backed out of the prison game much more. i am trying to preserve my own energy and health so to do that, i've had to let my hubby fend for himself a bit more in there. he's a big boy, he can do it.

i just can't wait until this is all over.

No comments: