something's gotta give.

my brain is 100% fried. i mean...totally.

ive been experiencing a series of spiritual attacks lately, stemming from i believe a debate with a few atheists i had about a month ago on a website that, ironically, has nothing to do with religion (or lack thereof).

for me, having an attack is a mixture of events. sometimes i get bad migraines, misplace things, find myself easily agitated at everything the children do, have bad dreams, forget important events or details...

this time around, its all of that and then some. today i forgot the passwords to EVERY website i visit on the internet. its taken me more than a few hours to either remember them or reset the passwords because i just forgot totally. i also have a huge migraine and my brain is just on overload. ive been having these odd dreams and im having trouble remembering names, ideas, and even words i want to use when conveying ideas. at random times ive experienced utter and complete sadness at certain events or happenings in society. i will also admit, ive been struck with bouts of what i call faith doubt. wondering if what i believe is accurate, true, or sensible.

for me, this is nothing unexperienced before. as a naturally emotional, intuitive person, i rarely allow myself to "experience" society because i tend to internalize everything. because i dont like to bring attacks of the spirit on myself, i try to limit my interactions with certain personalities as well as social media outlets.

these attacks when i engage heavily in theological debate, as i said before. and it's what i've been doing alot lately.

but something new is happening this time. out of every spiritual attack, i have a huge amount of spiritual growth it seems. ideas and thoughts just come bursting forth, and i obtain more courage to speak exactly whats on my mind. ive never experienced this before.

im also "feeling something in the air". i cant put it any other way, but around the internet and in my personal life, im hearing other Christians speaking of the same thing--so it cant just be me going through this. i feel like something is going on, and honestly, in a way ive never experienced before, i am looking forward to the return of Christ. it is almost shocking to even myself because i never thought id be excited for the events of the world to unfold as they are. i used to laugh at those in Christ who expressed excitement at the future, thinking they were a little less than sane. now i find myself in the boat with them!

add to this all that my mind is overrun with the desire to learn new things and start ideas ive been harboring for a long time, and i honestly feel a bit like im going crazy. ive been reading books like a mad person, trying to soak up all of the earthly knowledge that i can. im thinking of new ideas and its really like a part of my brain has been opened up, and im really out of sorts with the whole thing.

something's gotta give.

my senses are on overload.

am i the only one??? or are there other people going through the same thing i am going through???

"but you don't believe in God!"

today i was perusing my facebook friend's status messages, and came across someone who is on my list that was lamenting that someone "supposedly close" to her remarked that she "didn't believe in God" during a conversation, and how that really made her feel worse than she's already feeling.



well, my first thought was, "well you don't believe in God as far as i know." but because the topic was sensitive and people were swarming around her post like bees, bobbing their heads in agreement with her lamentations and telling her that "God loves us all and you too, and you'll be fine" and the usual hodgepodge of politically correct garbage, i simply didn't say anything...but moved on to another status update.



now, i may be a bitch here because i've been just mean these past few days, but for the life of me, i can't see why she was so hurt over someone telling her that truth when in fact, as i said before...she indeed does not believe in God.



a little background to make this story clearer. the woman in question lost her mom about a month ago pretty unexpectedly, and she's been struggling with her mother's death. so now, i suppose to help her sort out her feelings, she suddenly believes in God wholeheartedly, or is needing God to believe in because she feels like she has lost a good portion of her life with the death of her mother, or something along those lines.



but i still can't understand why she was so upset at the comment that she received. i mean, especially since this is the same woman who has mocked the worship of Christians, the philosophy of true Christians, and our goals in this life. i distinctly remember 2 discussions i had with her in which she used secular logic to compare worshipping God and believing in Jesus to "worshipping an apple or whatever your heart desires" and another where she mocked those who forgave others for trangressions, and the words of Jesus on forgiveness concerning forgiveness, saying it's basically a copout from facing our weaknesses, and that any person who truly forgave is a weak minded being.



now that her mother is passed and moved on, she is suddenly trying to read the Bible and "get clarity and peace" concerning her loss. typically human, and typically secular. mean? i'm not so sure. true? definitely.



this reminds me of the addage, "no one needs God until He's all that they have left."



for some odd reason, i cannot wrap my head around her anguish at that comment the friend told her, that she doesn't believe in God. i must be missing a point here? why was it such a low blow to say that? sounds like the truth to me. i mean, should Christians not speak the truth in every situation? she didn't say that the other woman was rude or condenscending when she said it, so i can't assume that she was. i don't know what her tone/intent was with the words, or even the whole situation surrounding and leading up to and beyond those words that were spoken. but given what i do know, i am absolutely stumped.



now this is the daughter of my mother's best friend who died. she and i are the same age and as far as i know, played in the same playpen as little girls...but because we are so fundamentally different as adults, i don't converse with her much. she is no stranger to me however, my older sisters and mom consider her and her family to be our family. granted, i am not that close to them as a family unit, but i do have a knowledge there that goes a bit beyond facebook statuses. and usually her words would just roll off my back, but this is something that for some reason has stuck itself into my brain and i can't shake it loose, as i just can't understand it.



i am going through the responses she's given and received since that inital comment, looking for a straw to grasp to understand this situation better, but so far i am honestly confused. this woman is really emitting a believable pained response to what she was told it seems. and the more i read, the more i am prompted to break up the pity party by asking, "well DO you believe in God?" but then that would seem to cause a bigger problem.



now i am in no way, shape or form downplaying the pain she must be going through because of her mother's death...i can't fathom it and i cannot relate to it as i have not lost my own mother. so i don't want to give that impression. but i just don't understand that how a basically self proclaimed atheist can feel pain at being reminded that they don't believe in God when they are in a painful/helpless situation? i would think they wouldn't even turn to God, since to them, He doesn't exist? it makes me wonder, were they discussing how God can help her get through the pain, and the convo went wrong?



this also makes me wonder, in however long from now, when her healing over her mother's death has begun, will she once again mock those of us who truly do believe in God?

how do you say something you really need to say?

ok...i've been thinking about this for months now...and actually wasn't sure how to say it. it's funny though because well, this is my blog and i can say what i want to say how i want to say it and i technically don't have to worry about what anyone else says about what i say.

however, it's not that easy. i'm still anxious about saying *technically typing* out what i have to say. but i'm going to go on and type it anyway.

i am no longer with my husband. i am a single mother again. there. i said it.

but that's not all.

i AM with my ex-fiance, who is asking to now be my husband.

that's not all either.

i am totally taking my time with my boyfriend, *who just so happens to be the father of my 10 and 8 year olds*, before being married again.

to make a super long story short, i realized that i no longer WANT to be the wife of a man in prison. not that i couldn't do it, but i began to feel as if my ex husband was turning into a different man and really trying to manipulate and force me into decisions that i didn't want to agree with, especially when they make me go against what i know to be true as a child of God. while he is a great man, i decided that we were not a great team anymore and he was becoming a true stress on my spirit. funny, but everyone around me supported me 100% when i thought they would bash my lifestyle and decisions.

i have been the wife of a man in prison for 5 years. and i don't regret not being that woman anymore. i realize that i not only need more out of my marriage, but that i have the right to live my life fully for me. unfortunately, my ex husband is NOT out of prison and may not come out until 2011. when he does make it out here, i will do my best to help him, but i am 100% certain that i do not want to maintain a romantic relationship with him, and i will not become his wife again. it is over for us.

i love my ex-husband, but i am no longer IN love with him. prison DOES have something to do with it, but really his attitude and expectations have totally turned me away. permanently--they aren't something that i care to ever forget *although i have forgiven him*.

i love my boyfriend, but our breakup was very nasty and many years later, i still have trust issues. however, something deep down in my heart is telling me that he is marriage material.

i am still a woman of God though, and although i've done plenty that i had to pray over, i know God is still by my side, and instead of condemning me for my decisions, is working His booty off to get me out of any drama that i may be in.

and that is all *for now*. i am still a Proverbs woman, and because i very well may be a wife again soon enough, i will leave my blog as it is *especially since someone else may take the name if i let it go hehe*.

that explains my hiatus AND i finally *said/typed* what i needed to say. and while many people may not read this blog often, some people do, and i just wanted to keep it as real as i can without telling my social security number *snicker*. to all of my fellow prison wives who read this blog, you know who you are. i love you dearly and i will always be here for you no matter what...although i'm not tied to the prison system anymore.

and now...i feel better! my anxiety has been reduced considerably, and the world is still turning after my major announcement. wow, that was easier than i thought it'd be!

just when things started going good.

just when ya think things are starting to go good, as a matter of fact, when they are going good, satan has a way to just come on in and try to spoil the fun.

my van has been sitting for about three months waiting to be fixed. what i thought was a brake problem was actually just brake pads needing to be replaced *ok so i won't win mechanic of the year anytime soon*, and the problem wound up costing me only 200.00 to fix *he did some other needed work on the rotors and the nuts, etc.*. well because i had been in a crunch CRUNCH CRUNCH! i actually asked the kid's aunt to fix the van for me, and in return, because she's an otherwise great driver *other than the little mishap pictured above*, she could borrow my van on the weekends. big mistake.

so we decide on the deal and make it, she will perform the maintenance on my vehicle and pay half of the insurance premium, and on weekends the van is hers. my van is a very low maintenance vehicle despite it's age, so she happily agreed.

two days after fixing the van *when the weekend rolls in*, she uses the van to go out friday night. saturday morning, my van is brought back to me smoking and cranking loudly, smashed in the front. she had what she calls a fender bender, she had what i call a car accident. now i don't have full coverage to get insurance to fix these damages.

now, she got into a bit of legal trouble in the city that she had the accident in, and actually got arrested. her friend *bless his soul* was sweet enough to hold onto my van until the morning, and then bring it back. besides being ugly as all get out, my radiator is ruined, so all of that needs to be fixed before it's drivable.

what makes this so bad is that my baby started 3 year old school, and has an aversion to the school bus so i cancelled it, knowing i got my van back. she already isn't adjusting well to school at all and has told me repeatedly that she does not like school. so in an attempt to help her adjust, i cancelled the school bus pick up and was bringing her to school myself *which actually is not helping like i thought it would, it's not helping at all*. i know her teachers are treating her well, she just does NOT like school. i am contemplating removing her from school and giving this another go when she turns 4.

i wouldn't have any problem waiting around for my van to be fixed, however my baby has no way to school right now. i'll take her out of school totally before i put her back on that bus, she does NOT like this school bus and putting her back on it is not an option. not only that, but i miss my van and it sure is a heck of a lot easier getting around with my own transportation versus depending on everyone else.

to make matters worse, their cousin offered to help fix the van on her mom's behalf, considering that the mother went into the agreement with me partially to help her daughter get items for her household, but since bringing me back my van, she's avoided me like the plague. she said that she'd definitely help pay for the damages *which actually come to less than 700.00* for her mom, because she was utilizing the van too. since she's not actually helping me out any right now, i am not sure what to think of this situation. it's bad all around, and it's crazy because things were just getting better for the girls and i at home. and now this.

i learned a few lessons from this situation. first and most obvious, never let anyone else borrow my van. second, never make an agreement for things and depend on other people to keep their part of the agreement. and third, never borrow anything from anyone that i can't afford to replace should it get damaged while under my care.

i am actually contemplating taking her to court over this if she's not able to fork over at least 300.00. to actually get the entire part of my car that was damaged fixed is easily 2,000.00. but i was going to just get the hood and radiator replaced at 500.00 and allow her to replace the rest as she came across the money. however, when my daughter's aunt gets out of jail i'm not sure what her funds will look like. since she actually paid the 200.00 for the brakes for me, i thought i'd keep that money and instead of paying her back use it towards the van, thus leaving me only 300.00 short of the rest of the money needed to get my van back on the road. not only that, but my insurance premium is due and that's 200.00. so technically if i take 300.00 of money in my very tight budget to fix my car, i can't drive it anyway because it will be 200.00 of the insurance money that i'm using to fix the car, hence i won't have insurance coverage. so right now i'm stuck either way.

and today i got reprimanded for getting my daughter to school an hour late, since i am now depending on my sister to get us there. and quite frankly, she gets us there when she gets us there and not a minute sooner. and today it was an hour later. not acceptable.

so i am feeling the crunch *once again* from every area. i don't know if i want to keep my daughter in this school. it's beautiful and i know they are treating her nicely, but she is not a happy camper. the stress of having my van out of commission due to a car accident that wasn't my own fault actually stressed me out to the point where i got a cold, and that's not good or worth it. we are back to walking and the weather isn't getting any warmer. and all of this after God came through for me and paid my rent and all my bills even though i have 0.00 in income currently. i am not losing faith in God, but i suppose i'm losing faith in this current situation. i definitely see the benefits of the situation--my car could have been towed or damaged WAY worse than it was, i learned my lessons from the situation and the girls' aunt was NOT seriously injured. so i definitely am not complaining that this is SOOOOO bad. it's just that it put a damper in my plans, my mood and my spirit. i'm a bit frazzled out from this and it's happening JUST when things started going good.

which is the very worst part of all.

*sigh*

i miss my blogger! GRAAHHHHH!

I NEED A LAPTOP! ;*(

a blogger rant and vent!

I really wish blogger would get it together and allow picture uploads from our cell phones. Its really not that hard to do. I finally got to the point of being able to add pictures to my blog without feeling it is a burden only to find out that I can't do it from my cell phone. *smh*

Get it together blogger (or is there a way to do this and I'm the one that needs to get it together?)!

well well.

seems i've been gone longer than i thought and my computer is blinking out more than i thought. things are really tight for me right now, my family is doing well but i am feeling the tightness of the economy very badly now.

we have six months to the gate and sometimes i feel that this is never going to end. i never would have imagined in 1000 years that i would be the one having all the trouble adjusting to hubby coming home. but it's true...it's me. my emotions are just everywhere. i'm second, third and fourth guessing what we had and what we have, where we are and where we will be. i've been going through just so many emotions and it's harder than i thought it would be to keep a lid on them all.

he, on the other hand, is so excited to be coming home that virtually nothing puts a damper in his day. he's just as snug as a bug in a rug. he has his days but for the most part, he's looking towards the future, not being able to wait to get home and just enjoy his family--children and wife.

i have to remind myself to let myself go with the flow. what will be will be, and it will all work out for the best provided i do my best. he's telling me to have faith in us, and in all that we have accomplished and want to accomplish. i am trying to do that, but i won't lie--it's very harrowing. the what ifs are trying to eat me alive. and it's an every day battle to keep them away, back and down and out of my life.

all i know is that one golden rule of prison bidding--what we prison wives both near and far know and should live by--one day at a time. and that's what i'm doing, one day at a time, because i can't do it any other way. unless you consider the whole one hour at a time schtick, which i have been utilizing more often as well.

so we will see how it goes. i'm still being myself, watching my locs grow, being frugal supermom and loving wife, but i have backed out of the prison game much more. i am trying to preserve my own energy and health so to do that, i've had to let my hubby fend for himself a bit more in there. he's a big boy, he can do it.

i just can't wait until this is all over.

sickened.

most people love to link to prominent sites that back up their point of view. but because my point of view is backed up by the entire world wide web almost, there's no need for me to link prominent sites.

i am absolutely sickened(and i do mean sickened) by the status of this world, and people in america. i know it is cliche and i know it's been said a million times before, but i absolutely cannot stand...what i see going on these days. even what is said is vile and disheartening. what comes out of the mouth is overflow of the heart, and it's so true.

the way people say they wish nadya suleman's children would die, or be taken by child protective services (which is a horrendous, ignorant fate to wish on anyone because that "service" is nothing but an injustice to children and parents everywhere), or the way people back up the ny post's cartoon depicting barack obama as a dead chimpanzee, or the way people attack each other so openly on message boards is nothing short of amazing. i read some of this stuff and i'm appalled that these people walk, talk and live around me every single day of the week. it's scary to know that some of the shit (i had to let it out because that's what it is) i come across on the www is penned and defended by the people that make up my country--a place where my children will have to grow. i mean, i look around and say no wonder people are shooting each other in the face over street wars, parents are starving their children to death, men are beheading their wives and each other, women are setting each other on fire, the list goes on.

i won't link anything, but if no one believes me, i guess i don't mind going back to do the legwork. but just google anything i wrote above, and you're guaranteed to find 1,000,000 search results at least.

it's a shame because even my oldest daughter is getting to the point where she doesn't want to go outside, she'd rather stay in the house than to go outside and walk our dog. my children's school is right across the street and i am nervous about letting them walk to school alone. and it doesn't matter where i live or how old they are. i can live in the most crowded urban ghetto or the quietest rural area where there's no other neighbor for 20 miles. it doesn't matter. i am nervous for my children.

because what i see online is what they have to look forward to. and of course there's always the argument, "well it's just online." it's been proven that people online tend to be more honest and more open with how they truly feel because they are anonymous. and that's scary, because this garbage is what's in their heart.

i can't imagine what i'd do if i found out my neighbor is one of the ones that wished death on a child or a person that secretly admitted to torturing puppies for fun as an adult. or my old boss (whom i love), or a family member. or the man that owns the grocery down the block.

i guess there are good reasons for being anonymous--some things are better left unknown. but even that is a double edged sword because then you never truly know who surrounds you.

you can't make this stuff up. i don't see how anyone can actually go on in this world without some sort of cover or shield. i pray regularly, and it's only by the grace of God that i have gotten this far. this world is a disgusting dangerous landmine and it's only because of the goodness, faith and determination of the good few that the not so good many are even allowed to thrive. because if it weren't for people with good hearts, those with rotten cores would just devour themselves and each other in a cesspool of hatred and ignorance.

it's only because of those few beautiful hearts who are powered by many different forces that the world is still a good place.

it's only going to get worse. if you don't have a protected way to navigate the world now, you'd better get one. mark my words. i don't want to say God because some will become irate at that statement and lose their brain cells at an even faster rate that they currently are (and i'm not into encouraging anyone's demise), so i will leave it up to anyone who reads this post to decide what it means for them.

now i know this may seem like a hypocrisy coming from a woman with a husband in prison. i have an avid faith in the belief that my husband is a good person who is fighting a bad understanding of the world. i am not going to sit around and justify or defend (partly because i wasn't asked to, partly because i would never defend my love to at least 99% of the people in this world because it would make me look like a fool) our love or our family makeup and composition, but rest assured that regardless of my personal doings, i stand by what i say. because i am a good person with a good heart, and i what i speak is true.

ok, so what's the problem?

ok. now i'm not into politics or whatever, but these rethuglicans (as field calls them) are just about getting on my nerves.

tonight they are reporting on a woman who has 6 children and just gave birth to 8 more. they are making it seem as if this woman wasn't in her right mind when she did this, as if there's something wrong with her, and they have the nerve to also say that because of situations like hers (which there aren't many but i digress), invitro fertilization needs to be more "properly monitored". they also said that the clinic that was in charge of the process was irresponsible and basically needed to be shut down for their practices.

now, what i want to know is...why is this suddenly becoming an issue? also, who told the rethugs that she had invitro fertilization? it wasn't confirmed the last i checked. i'm not saying she didn't, but they are reporting these so called "facts" without even knowing the facts on a factual basis.

it wasn't an issue when jon and kate decided to have their eight and turn it into a tv show. this couple has admitted to using their children as a way to earn money and get a free ride through life, and they've basically been living off of freebies since they had them.

there are tons of folk who seem to be pushing out children at the speed of light--read about them here. and i am sure that many of these nice families have children already.

so hmm. what exactly is the problem? this lady has 6 children, and now had 8 more. well obviously 6 plus 8 is 14, but hey...when Jim and Michelle Duggar came to the spotlight with their then 14 children, everyone thought the story was endearing and cute, with Michelle giving them all names that begin with the letter j. and uh, the last time i checked--14 still equals 14. and that woman was still pushing them out like a champion because she just birthed baby number 18 last month.

now we get to this iranian woman who decided to have 14 children and it's this huge "ethical" debate. nevermind the fact that the grandfather is very wealthy, and these people have money and a larger home that the media is not aware of. the government is not caring for these children, and they all are healthy, so what's the problem? i love it how when anyone who is of color does something, it's such an issue...but when white people do the same thing, it's endearing and perfectly acceptable. if you flip through the african american multiple births, you will notice how they recieved way less corporate and donated help than their european counterparts for the same number of children and the same issues and hardships.

but i digress there as well.

the ironic part of this story is that this woman has had seemingly the healthiest multiple pregnancy, labor and delivery ever recorded. not only that, but her heaviest child was a whopping 3 pounds. not a small baby at all to have been sharing space with 7 brothers and sisters. not only that, but they all are breathing on their own.

she is the first octuplet mother in the USA to have all of her babies survive.

so it sounds to me as if she's doing pretty good, not at all like the rethuglicans are saying.

now i'm the last person that wants to make everything into a race issue, as we have enough folk in the world that do that on their own perfectly fine...but really...this just seems to be so black and white it's ridiculous.

a rough day today.

last night after i climbed into the bed, i felt a slight pain in my left shoulder. i shrugged it off to an upset stomach and probably some air that moved to my arm from my digestive tract (however that happens).

this morning i woke up in a sour mood, with my heart fluttering. i had that anxious-y high blood pressure-ish feeling too. i ate a turkey sandwich and had some orange juice. i was still hungry so i had a waffle and two slices of bacon and more juice. i looked at the picture of barack and michelle obama on the new issue of ebony and i wanted to cry. i don't know if it's because they looked happy, or if it's because my period is due, or what...but i flipped the magazine around so the back cover faced up instead of the front. the noise the girls were making and the look of the house made me upset. last night the house was in the same condition and it looked fine. today it looks like a wreck, even though it's still in the same condition it was last night. so that upset me. i made the girls clean their horrid room and the kitchen, and then i came upstairs to window shop for myself since i decided i would splurge just a little this income tax return.

i don't know why, but the window shopping (for everything from shoes to intimate apparel) just turned my whole mood sour. i was looking through things and i became so indecisive, and then i was trying to measure parts of my body for some stuff i wanted to order offline, and nothing made sense in the way of measurements or sizes. two sites were saying that i would need a 5x in some items. uhm hello, i wear a size 16, not a 22. why would i need a 5x? even when i went to fredericks it said i would wear a bigger bra size than i know i wear for them, because i just brought two bras from them not in that size and they fit perfectly (i had the lady in the store measure me and she got it right on the money). so me not being able to measure myself properly, pick out things i liked, and afford everything i liked made my shopping experience bad. i got really flustered and upset over nothing. then my hubby called, and right in the middle of the conversation i burst out crying. he called me up in a joking mood, and i just didn't want to joke. he didn't say anything bad in the way of jokes, but for some odd reason i just got so SO sad when he called me.

i told him that i'm having a hard time keeping my breathing even. i feel like i'm having an anxiety attack. my attitude sucks today and i am trying to keep the girls downstairs while i'm up because i don't want to get on their cases about little things and upset them. everytime the baby cries it stresses me. she's been crying all day off and on.

i knew last night when i fell asleep that today wasn't going to be the best of days. but i didn't know why.

today i feel bad for feeling bad because yesterday in church i had such a good time, and then i spent the day with my family and we watched president obama's concert. today is vacation for the girls, it will be a short week this week. so why am i just so generally unhappy?

hubby said maybe it's my hormones acting up again. i said maybe, because i could tell this morning something wasn't right when i woke up. but i couldn't pin point it so i just ignored it. it was more emotional than physical, but my heartbeat wasn't helping any. even now it's sort of racing along, and when i rest i can hear it pounding in my ears.

now i'm going to go lay down and just try to relax. i cried some so i feel better, but i still want to take a tylenol for my head and just relax a bit. i turned up the heat to knock off the chill in the air and the girls are watching tv.

hopefully the day will get better.

that daggone treadmill

i am SO wishing i would have brought that gym membership. *sigh*. i keep revisiting this topic because UGH! i want to get some exercise. hmph! and it's really on my mind. now wait until i get the card--i'm probably never gonna get on the treadmill.

buyer's remorse.

ugh...i am SO having buyer's remorse now. the itch to get on that stupid treadmill is bigger than ever...but *sigh* alas, i spent the money on those dumb pills!

grr. i shouldn't have done that.

argh.

i was having a pretty good day until the kids (and my nephew) came home...and now i feel overwhelmed. my hubby has been calling me, and ugh. i screwed up with that. he wouldn't call, i would have the phone by me. he would call, for some odd reason or another, the phone wouldn't be by me. i know he is pissed. the dog is sick, she is really having a bad episode of the itches. her skin is raw and her face looks like she got into a horrible fight. it is so hard to get her medicine and it is so hard for me to put her to sleep. i am still struggling with that. the kids are downstairs arguing over a hot dog. i gave everyone one...but...seems like one apiece wasn't enough. the baby is in tears, my oldest daughter is extremely loud, the middle girl is begging for everything she sees, and my nephew is just being a boy. i had a great day with a friend that i met online, and it just seems like everything came crashing down at once.

i want to go to sleep. i am so upset, i just want to sleep away the rest of this day. but something is telling me that if i close my eyes, the house will probably go up in flames.