"i LOVE black marriage!"

ok, from the title of my post alone, you'll probably figure out that i'm black, or my husband is black, or both of us...if you don't already know.

that's a great thing (to be black and all), and i indeed am black and proud, and nappy and happy and all of that...but i have to admit, i found it a bit odd when many of the congratulations on my marriage were pre or pro ceeded with "i love black marriage!"

ok. well, in this day and age, i personally love ANY genuine, God-led, love lined and committed marriage, black, white or other (these days, even if someone doesn't believe in God but has the other qualities in their marriage i'm happy)...but some people at least only really love marriage when it's between two black people it seems.

when i was engaged to my ex, i never got complaints on our pending marriage, but no one was saying how they couldn't wait for us to tie the knot...and certainly no one ever mentioned the color of our skin as being a huge reason why they loved the idea of us getting married.

my ex isn't black though--he's puerto rican and german. mixed.

technically, my husband isn't black either. he's puerto rican and black. mixed. now, many people don't know that about my husband, so it's no wonder they just assume him to be 100% "black with really good hair."

and they let that be known all day and evening at our wedding reception. and it was funny in a "haha" kind of way, but not in a "guffaw!" kind of way. and after about three hours or so of hearing it, it ceased being funny at all and i found myself wanting to ask, "what does being black have to do with us being married? can't you be happy for us without always reminding us that we're an allegedly 100% black couple (with no 100% black children thank you very much--all of our children are mixed)?"

ok. i know i'm in stone age times with that mentality according to some. i mean, i suppose i understand the sentiment because black marriage is a dying breed in this country and blah blah blah, but i still wanted to ask people anyway, just for the heck of it. but really, i don't believe BLACK marriage is a dying breed, i believe MARRIAGE is a dying breed, and GODLY marriage is on the endangered species list. skin color be damned.

had he (or i) not been black, would many of our guests have still "LOVED" us getting married?

i'm pretty sure a good portion would've, but it still makes me question the other whatever percentage of guests who were there...methinks they wouldn't have been so happy had my husband been any other race except black, and i wonder what would they say if they were to find out that he's not as black as they think he is?

which led me and my wandering mind to other questions...why is "black" marriage such a dying breed these days? are marriages between other same race non-blacks thriving and surviving? why is it such a huge celebration when black people get married to other black people, but not so much so when interracial couples get married? i mean, don't hate on the non-black partner for grabbing up some black love right?

heck, my philosophy is get in where you fit in, regardless of race. if your mate treats you the way you should be treated, never no mind skin color, culture, or height/weight. in this world, finding a good person to marry is a goldmine in and of itself. don't ruin the chance by getting all superpicky (especially if you ain't got that much to offer yourself)...

i'd honestly rather marry outside of my race and have all the great things a good, healthy marriage has to offer versus marrying within my race and being miserable just for the cause of doing my part to "save black marriage". i'm not accusing black marriages of being miserable or upholding interracial/non-black marriages as being the "saviors" of the marriage realm. but what i am saying is, for a minute there, it seemed to me as if some people expect black people to marry black people at all costs, even if it's going to be an obvious failure down the line.

it never dawned on me a single time before, during or after my marriage ceremony that i did something good for the black community by marrying at least halfway within my race (until i was mercilessly reminded of it at our reception). it dawned on me that i did something good for my relationship with God, my family and myself by marrying a good man for the right reasons before, during and after my marriage ceremony. that was all i thought about the whole time, God, my husband, my children, myself, and our families becoming one...race played no role in my special day.

and i can't really say that i would have had it any other way.

how do you say something you really need to say?

ok...i've been thinking about this for months now...and actually wasn't sure how to say it. it's funny though because well, this is my blog and i can say what i want to say how i want to say it and i technically don't have to worry about what anyone else says about what i say.

however, it's not that easy. i'm still anxious about saying *technically typing* out what i have to say. but i'm going to go on and type it anyway.

i am no longer with my husband. i am a single mother again. there. i said it.

but that's not all.

i AM with my ex-fiance, who is asking to now be my husband.

that's not all either.

i am totally taking my time with my boyfriend, *who just so happens to be the father of my 10 and 8 year olds*, before being married again.

to make a super long story short, i realized that i no longer WANT to be the wife of a man in prison. not that i couldn't do it, but i began to feel as if my ex husband was turning into a different man and really trying to manipulate and force me into decisions that i didn't want to agree with, especially when they make me go against what i know to be true as a child of God. while he is a great man, i decided that we were not a great team anymore and he was becoming a true stress on my spirit. funny, but everyone around me supported me 100% when i thought they would bash my lifestyle and decisions.

i have been the wife of a man in prison for 5 years. and i don't regret not being that woman anymore. i realize that i not only need more out of my marriage, but that i have the right to live my life fully for me. unfortunately, my ex husband is NOT out of prison and may not come out until 2011. when he does make it out here, i will do my best to help him, but i am 100% certain that i do not want to maintain a romantic relationship with him, and i will not become his wife again. it is over for us.

i love my ex-husband, but i am no longer IN love with him. prison DOES have something to do with it, but really his attitude and expectations have totally turned me away. permanently--they aren't something that i care to ever forget *although i have forgiven him*.

i love my boyfriend, but our breakup was very nasty and many years later, i still have trust issues. however, something deep down in my heart is telling me that he is marriage material.

i am still a woman of God though, and although i've done plenty that i had to pray over, i know God is still by my side, and instead of condemning me for my decisions, is working His booty off to get me out of any drama that i may be in.

and that is all *for now*. i am still a Proverbs woman, and because i very well may be a wife again soon enough, i will leave my blog as it is *especially since someone else may take the name if i let it go hehe*.

that explains my hiatus AND i finally *said/typed* what i needed to say. and while many people may not read this blog often, some people do, and i just wanted to keep it as real as i can without telling my social security number *snicker*. to all of my fellow prison wives who read this blog, you know who you are. i love you dearly and i will always be here for you no matter what...although i'm not tied to the prison system anymore.

and now...i feel better! my anxiety has been reduced considerably, and the world is still turning after my major announcement. wow, that was easier than i thought it'd be!