Wednesday, September 30, 2009

this Christian woman's view on abortion.

now i know this is a difficult pill for some believers and non-believers alike to swallow, but this is my blog so i'm going to give my opinion re: Christians and their problems with legalized abortion.

legalized abortion is a very touchy subject and it's one of those damned-if-ya-do damned-if-ya-don't type situations. however, after alot of soul searching myself, i have simplified the trillions of facets of abortion into two basic sentences: abortion is allowed under governmental law and therefore is the law. and there is nothing wrong with abortion being legal.

any studious Christian knows that governments are a secular concept, not a spiritual one. any country that deems to make abortion legal has the absolute right to do so imo under it's government. bottom line, there's nothing to argue there. now to go a bit deeper.

the reason i even started this entry is simple. it irks me to see Christians get upset at the government, each other and whomever else is in earshot because the government (i suppose mr. president in particular according to some) refused to take away the right to abort.

one Christian i heard on the television today *my back was turned so i didn't see him* had the nerve to say that president obama is "allowing" abortion and "encouraging" it. how exactly, pray tell, is barack obama "allowing" or "encouraging" abortions to take place? as far as i can tell abortions were legal in many places before the man was born himself and the secular society we live in encourages abortions, not one person. no one person has the power to encourage thousands of abortions per year across a country. i have never heard mr. president say to someone, "please, go out and get an abortion. and if you can't find a clinic that will safely abort, please, please PLEASE stick a hanger way up there and tug hard."

there is nothing worse than a Christian that makes me look bad. as if i don't do things that make me look bad enough being my own Christian. but that Christian made me as a Christian look very bad. not only that, but he added yet another log to the political fire by outright lying on mr. president. i can hear the masses now, "that wasn't very God-like!!!"


i am pro-life. period. this fact about me will never change. it took me six long years to admit that i was pro-life and not pro-choice. as a matter of fact, i believe that any pro-choicer who says, "i'm only pro-choice because i can't tell another person what to do with their body" is a pro-lifer without the guts to admit their true feelings. that used to be me. but today i will matter-of-factly state that i am pro-life. i do not believe in abortion as legitimate, fine, acceptable or "the removal of an unwanted growth". i believe abortion is the killing of a human being, bottom line. now some will say this is very callous of an attitude to have, but i digress. whatever. i am not saying i can't stand those who abort, i've had an abortion myself. so i do not stand in the face of people being mightier-than-thou. that's not my steelo, and someone having an abortion would not make me love, like or care for them any less than i love myself. things happen and people make decisions that they believe are best when they make them, and without sounding *too* preachy, God still loves us all.

but i'm not here to argue that point.

my point here *right now anyway* is, in this world you cannot force the hand of any individual. so what is the problem? why are Christians *SO* very upset over the fact that abortion is legal and that mr. president refuses to take away choice in the matter? abortion should be legal, because it's going to happen one way or another, legal or illegal. making it legal does not mean one has to have an abortion. if this was true it would be making abortion mandatory that would be the more important problem, and i believe true pro-choicers would have have just as much issue with mandatory abortion as they do with taking the abortion option away *or at least that's my "rose-colored glasses" hope*. if a woman wants an abortion then i would rather her to be able to have one legally and in a clean, safe medical setting versus doing it the underground way, or worse yet by doing it herself, as i've heard many a story about. i believe many more people would die from illegal abortion than would from legal abortion, since many would-be mothers would probably kill themselves accidentally having bootlegged abortions done.

imo, understanding a moral law does not mean that one must FOLLOW said law. what's moral to the goose may be immoral to the gander. the only law a person is MANDATED to follow is the legal law. i know that sometimes the lines that draw the difference between legal and moral seem murky, but i am pretty sure that there is a line there somewhere. when a person wants something, truly and deeply, there is no amount of persuasion concerning morals and legalities that's going to get them to change their mind. this goes for both sides of the argument. those of us who are against abortion will be against it no matter how legal it becomes and no matter how many people do it. those of us who are not against abortion won't be against it no matter how illegal it becomes or how many people don't do it. this is the way life is when people stand firmly in their beliefs.

when this world ends the only person's behaviors we will be responsible for are our own. yes, we can and should encourage those around us to follow the law of God and not abort for their own sake and the sake of their unborn child(ren) because that is Christian duty. however, in the end whatever decision they make is truly their choice and legal right to make. the Bible says *yes i'm preaching here* that each man will be responsible only for his own actions in this world, not those of anyone else. our final judgement will be solely our own. so we cannot force our judgement on another person nor will we be able to blame our decisions on another person. those who are truly Christian know that they are in this world and not of it. so why does it anger so many people that this world is just doing what it's supposed to do--being the world? if the world agreed with God, Jesus wouldn't have had to say "ye are in the world not of it"because it wouldn't have been the truth. if God and the world were on the same accord then the world would be in us, and we would be in the world, and sin wouldn't exist and neither would the choice to sin or not to sin. we'd all be following God's Word and Law to the letter because well it would be all we had to follow *since sin wouldn't exist*. we would be taking it back to the Garden pre-serpent days.

yes, it's what's in the heart that counts. if someone has it in their heart to abort, well then hey. that is their RIGHT to abort as written by the legal law. and Jesus was the first to say, "Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s” (Mathew 22:21). sure, the specific meaning of this verse was concerning taxes, but i believe the broader meaning of this verse is to follow the law and obey it, so long as the law of man does not conflict with the law of God. if the law of man conflicts with the law of God, you follow God. this law about *legalized abortion* does NOT conflict with the Word of God. why not you ask? it doesn't conflict with God's Word because this law is a choice, not a mandate. we have the choice to abort or not to abort. the law is simply, "abortion is legal and a woman has the right to an abortion if she so chooses to have one in this country". no more, no less. heck, i'm wondering if its even a law moreso than it is a choice. if no one in the world aborted, then God would certainly be happy i believe, and the law wouldn't matter one way or another now would it? but the government would still have the right to keep the wording and meaning of the law. the government's laws are not God's laws, and they were given the right not to be. so long as we Christians have the choice NOT to abort *and verily i tell you if you are Christian then you ought to be pro-life*, who is it bothering and why is it really bothering them?

if a person is under God, then they will know abortion is spiritually illegal and they will not abort. it's up to each person to decide which law he or she is going to follow. and God wants us to have the choice to do right more than He wants us to be forced to do what's right, believe me.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

my humble abode thus far.

so here are some pictures of my bedroom, kitchen and living room.
the reason i'm posting them up is to show my personal frugality at work. with a little hard work, patience and determination a person can have a pretty comfortable place to live in on a very tight (or even nearly non existent) budget. contrary to popular belief, being frugal has many more pros than cons, and honestly it's really fun once you get into it.
everything on the bed was free, even the kitten LOL. the only thing i purchased was the frame itself for 150.00 at ikea about 6 years ago. there are at least 350.00 worth of blankets and pillows on my bed *very good quality items, including a down pillow bed and comforter woohoo*. in my living room the only thing i brought was the tv 8 years ago at 300.00 and the tv center for 50.00 from the thrift store about 2 years ago. everything else was free. in my kitchen the only thing i purchased were the 4 clear canisters with the blue tops from the dollar store at 1.00 each and the two apples from the same store at 1.00 each. there was a bunch of chaos going on because it was dinner time. but theres a plant, tea kettle, bread canister, sugar bowl, spice rack and a container with spoons in it *ok i brought the spoons, 15.00 from bed bath and beyond*.
it's really coming along and the best thing i've accomplished thus far in it is making it feel like home. yessiree, when you walk into my house, it has a nice, ahhhhh feeling to it. i've decorated my home over the years all for less than 5,000.00 altogether from the time i've moved in, i'm positive. and that includes 1,500.00 for my new carpets *which are brown but look much better in person than in the pictures*.
all things considering, i must say that the pictures really don't do my little townhouse justice.
ok, so when i first moved into my little townhouse 7 years ago i had 2 blankets, a pillow, a radio and 3 boxes of books, clothes and diapers for my girls.

now it's been a while and alot of struggle. i've written about my sick dog and the havoc she wreaked on my little spot, and how i had to move her to my moms because of the difficulties i had keeping her. i've also had to deal with a building that's not the most structurally sound in the world haha, when trucks come past everything rumbles. as the house settles, things are more than a bit lopsided and the ceilings and walls are shifting and seperating slightly. some of the materials used to make my home were discontinued and actually the cheapest money could buy. when the snow comes it has a tendency to melt into my home. when the rain comes if don't lock my windows it will splatter through the cracks and wet up the floors. i have to continuously wipe down my kitchen cabinets because the food oils stain them horribly if i don't.

despite all of these problems, my little townhouse is my home and i'm grateful for it. when i moved into it, it was just another little mechanically created house on a long block of little mechanically created houses which all looked, smelled and seemed the same. after putting a few memories and some very special things into it, my humble abode now has personality and spunk!
i am almost proud (we shouldn't be prideful) to say that most of what's in my home is preowned or brought new for under 20.00 lol. the things that cost more than 20.00 new are far and few between, and the word "new" is relative. when i got those "new" things, sure they were "new" but this was also 6-7 years ago lol.
in other words, i no longer buy anything new for more than 20.00 to go into my home except for clothing for the girls and myself. lol.

it may not be much, but it's not bad to have basically been free, eh?

Sunday, September 27, 2009

telling children some of the truths about life.

well of course, telling children the truth about life is a conversation that every parent should take seriously and should take careful consideration about before actually doing it. and one thing i've noticed about the conversation is that, although it is inevitable, it's almost certainly easier when you consult with God about it before you actually do it. another thing i've noticed is that, when your heart is right and the truth is in it, the words flow more easily than you can imagine, almost like it's not even you speaking.

and this is great because sometimes the conversation comes up without you really planning or expecting it.

today my oldest daughter had to be told repeatedly to clean her room. and when i was speaking to her about it, the conversation took a decidedly abrupt twist.

now it could be that i'm feeling especially blessed today after church, or that i'm simply a sensitive to the world around me type sould, but whatever the case may be, the conversation turned into a discussion on the truth about life. and i am happy that we had it.

some basic truths about life that i shared with my daughter are:

we get older every day, and we cannot regain lost time, so we must make the best of what we have

without the proper amount of education, be it formal or informal, we are doomed to live a difficult life full of ignorance and missed opportunity

even with education,l formal or informal, life is still difficult

growing up is difficult, especially during the tween and teen years (which she is entering)

peer pressure is real, and she will need to make important decisions about her friends

there are people in the world who are worse off than you are on your most worse off day

there are some people who mean you well and some people who mean you ill

you cannot let the people who mean you ill prevent you from accepting the good from poeople who mean you well

some personal truths that i shared with my daughter are (based on what i want to instill in her):

God loves each human being on this earth, even those who don't behave in the best ways

God expects us to love each other the way we love Him

God expects her to do, be and show her very best self

it is our obligation to love ourselves, each other and our planet

a woman of strength is one who is smart, generous and orderly, among other things

it is her responsibility to take care of and appreciate what she gets, regardless of the difficulty or ease it took to get it

times are becoming increasingly difficult, and the world is going through many changes

she must use what she knows in her mind to help her navigate this life

she is beautiful, smart and has the same rights as anyone else

having a right to do something does not neccessarily mean it should be done

i suppose i could go on, but some things were private mommy/daughter things that i don't have to list, as every mommy/daughter team does or will know soon enough exactly what i'm talking about (sorry daddies hehe--although many daddies do know anyway i'm sure).

the most amazing thing to me about the conversation is how easily the words flowed for me. when i was a younger parent rearing my girls i used to have small panic attacks about how i would explain certain things to them, or discuss certain topics, and to be quite honest at one point i decided that i would get others to *handle* these important parental matters for me. but as i matured more and watched them grow i realized that it was my responsibility to discuss these matters with my children because they are my children and no one else's, and what i say to them more than likely will shape the rest of their lives. i also realized that God would provide me with the voice i needed to share with them what needed to be shared, and i wouldn't be embarassed, at a loss for words, or confused. how did i know this? i could feel it inside myself, budding like a flower. i would be hit with the urge to discuss certain topics with her, or i would say to myself, "i know exactly what i'm going to tell her when she asks me this or that". it seemed like i was almost welcoming the opportunity to talk to her about life,and i was becoming excited about it! this is how i know i was changing and the voice i needed to talk to my daughter was forming within me.

every single question my oldest daughter has asked me about life thus far has been met with a sure answer from me. i haven't been afraid to share with her the truths about various things, death, friends, marriage, hurt...and the biggest obstacle for me...SEX! it never ceases to amaze me how my heart didn't jump out of my chest a single time in all of the conversations we've had, how well my words were received, and how easy it was for me to share with her my heart's desires for her. this is how i know i wasn't alone when talking to my daughter about these things.

i have never been adept at verbal communication. when i was a little girl i used to share my emotions and opinions by writing letters because it was 100% easier, an opinion that i still hold to this day. so to be able to share with her verbally and do it so fully and openly and clearly is actually a first for me as well.

i never thought i'd be thankful to God for allowing me the opportunity to share with my daughter the way my mother shared with me, but i am. i am thankful to give her these bricks for her use, and it is my prayer that with God's help she lays them in the path He wants her to follow.

i am honored to be the one He chose to hand them to her.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

a blogger rant and vent!

I really wish blogger would get it together and allow picture uploads from our cell phones. Its really not that hard to do. I finally got to the point of being able to add pictures to my blog without feeling it is a burden only to find out that I can't do it from my cell phone. *smh*

Get it together blogger (or is there a way to do this and I'm the one that needs to get it together?)!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Jesus loves ALL of His creations, even the imperfect ones.

yes it's true. i love my american pit bull terrier, and she loves me. not only that, but Jesus loves her too. i suppose it's safe to say that Jesus loves her so much because i love her so much, although He loves all of His creation. so maybe i'm being a little siddity in saying that He loves her as much as He does because i love her as much as i do.
but at any rate, the point is, we Both love our pit bull terrier, baby. a while back i posted about her struggling with mange, and the stresses it brought to the table. well, we were still struggling so much and badly that for the first time i had considered seriously, seriously putting her down. it really came as a final decision after i got my carpets replaced, which needed to be done very badly. because of the cost (1,500.00) and the amount of physical labor it took me by myself to have them put in, i really couldn't stand to have her ruin them again.
but my heart just couldn't say yes to euthanizing my dog. so i prayed.
now some people think it's silly to pray over certain seemingly small things, but as my mom says, "if it's important enough to pray over, then it's not small." so i swallowed my anxiety and i spoke to Jesus about my problem. i prayed for a solution, and moreso than that, i prayed that He help me accept putting her down, because my heart just couldn't take it. it was probably the most emotional prayer i've had all year--i cried before, during and after my prayer. i felt like i was choosing to euthanize my best friend or a family member.
i still can't really express the pain i felt praying that prayer.
but i know Jesus heard it. and what else did He send but an answer?
two days before my carpets got done, my mother called me up. now take note that after i had said my prayer few days earlier i texted my mom and asked her to pray for me concerning the situation as well, to pray for me to have enough strength to do what was best for all parties involved.
so anywh0, my mom calls me up. and she blurts out that she'll take my dog! now i'm confused because i've had this dog for x amount of years and no one save my sister has offered to help me by actually taking her. unfortunately soon after that my sister lost her job and her apartment so that offer fell through the floor.
but i certainly was floored. my mom told me she'd take my dog and help me with her. all i had to do was buy her medicine and continue to make her meals...which i agreed to do without fail.
when i asked her what made her decide to help me she said, "i don't know. i just have been having these dreams about her and my heart is telling me not to let her get put to sleep."
funny, but that's the same exact thing both hubby and i have experienced with this dog. dreams and our hearts/intuitions/feelings telling us to keep her around. almost like God Himself is demanding she be kept alive. i pretty much listen to my heart, i don't ignore my feelings. and this dog evokes such a strong response from me emotionally--it's hard to explain but for some reason i cant let her go. she's blessed--there's a reason she's on this earth i've decided.
so my prayers were heard and answered. i was spared the pain of putting down literally the sweetest dog i've ever owned, and my carpets were spared the pain of being totally destroyed again. what a blessing huh!
to make matters better, my dog seems to be healing up super quickly. hard to explain, but i think she is allergic to carpeting. her fur is growing back in and she no longer needs to wear a tshirt around her neck *as you can see she has on in the above picture too*. this dog has been delivered from death more times than i care to count. i believe i explained her story in my last post about her so i won't repeat it, but she's a special dog. she misses me sure, but since i'm right around the c0rner from my mom i'm always in her face anyway. my sister helps me out too, so i guess it's safe to say baby has become a family dog.
and i know it's safe to say that she's loved and that Jesus loves all of His creations, even the imperfect ones.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

my baby is growing up.

just three and a half short years ago, i held my newborn baby in my arms, amazed at how much like her daddy she looked, how tiny she was in my arms. i was so proud of her, to have been strong enough to hang in there with mommy during a very difficult pregnancy, one in which i feared for her life on at least three occassions.

now, my tiny baby girl has grown up into a active, rowdy three year old who still looks like her daddy, but has the round nose and eyes of her mommy... ;)
but she's growing up! and to be very honest, i'm not ready for that just yet. not right now...
ok, i'm not sure when i'll be ready for it, but i can assure you i'm not ready for it now. but despite my inability to wrap my mind around the fact that everyone grows up and my baby is no exception, she's doing just that.

she's growing up. no amount of typing that phrase out will keep her from growing up, nor will any amount of typing slow the process of her growing up.

how do i know she's growing up? well the fact that she's only three but wears a 5t is one piece of proof that she's growing up. but even more devastating than baby has decided she wants to go to *gulp* school!

that horrid, terrible, six-letter word. school.

the taste it leaves in my mouth is inexplicable, and i assure you, you don't want to taste it either.

yes, my baby has decided that at the ripe old age of three point five years old, she is ready to leave the nest and enter the world of school. just to prove her point, she has demanded (and i gave in) to carrying her lunch around in a lunch box. for the past two days, i've packed up her lunch in her older sister's last year lunch box, and she has proudly and matter of factly told everyone within earshot "im goin' tuh skewl! see?!?!" as she points excitedly towards her dora the explorer metal lunch tin.

i've had to come up with 20 reasons an hour about why she actually isn't in school, but none of them satisfy her for more than 3 minutes. she's demanding to go to school, and i'm running out of reasons why she's not in school.
now she would be in an actual daycare center except that i don't approve of any daycare centers i've seen in my area over the past three years, and i refuse to take my children somewhere i don't approve of. working in that field at my last job really showed me alot of issues the state has not addressed in the way of daycare centers and i just refuse to have my baby in the middle of all that nonsense. she used to go to homecare, but it's gotten expensive, more than i can afford per week, since i lost my job. it used to cost 80.00 per week, now it's 160.00 per week for her old sitter, who is really the only person i trust with her.
so she's stuck home with me for now (not that she appreciates it, she doesn't).
i have been looking steadily for part time work, so if i'm able to find it, i probably will be able to afford to send her back to her sitter. if i don't find work, i am going to go back to school full time and she can go back to her sitter, which she'd love. then she can finally tote around her little dora lunchbox and actually be going to school (in a sense at least).
and i can be soothed somewhat. because she wouldn't be in school per se, just daycare. and because daycare isn't school exactly, only similar to school in certain ways, i can buy at least another two years of having my baby still be my baby.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

a busy day today!

the kids and i are just coming in from a concert that we had at our church, it was very enjoyable. we stuffed our faces with food afterward and now i'm good and tired. it was really enjoyable to be able to just sing and clap and praise the Lord with my church family and immediate family. i really love my new church--it's like home. :D

i'm off to bed--we have to get up pretty early to be at church on time.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

look what i "stumbled" upon!

during a time when i've been debating alot with other religions over who Jesus truly was, i found this passage by the apostle John to say everything i need to say. it gave me the confirmation i needed to have to continue debating the good debate.

1 John 2:20-27 (New International Version)

20But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and all of you know the truth.[a] 21I do not write to you because you do not know the truth, but because you do know it and because no lie comes from the truth. 22Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist—he denies the Father and the Son. 23No one who denies the Son has the Father; whoever acknowledges the Son has the Father also.
24See that what you have heard from the beginning remains in you. If it does, you also will remain in the Son and in the Father. 25And this is what he promised us—even eternal life.
26I am writing these things to you about those who are trying to lead you astray. 27As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit—just as it has taught you, remain in him.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

a blessed day!

whomever said that God will take our obstacles and turn them into stepping stones, that our difficulties are opportunities for Him to work miracles in our lives never lied! today i was having a rough day, debating with a few people on matters of religion, and as always, it seemed as if i was the underdog. eventually when people saw that they could not change my mind about my faith, the accusations came pouring in that i was rude, disrespectful, stubborn, etc.

now anyone who knows me knows that i may be stubborn and i can be rude, but disrespectful i am not. i just don't turn my beliefs for anyone, not only because this is who i am, but also because this is my life and the lives of my family. so i am set in my belief system. that still doesn't equate to disrespectful, but you can't tell an angry person that.

so anyway, i decided to pray over it, because i had to question myself...maybe i am disrespectful. and if i was, i wanted God to let me know and to show me how to work on that, because paul says to be bold in love.

so while i was praying, God just came on along and crept into my heart, and told me that the battle is not an easy one, but it is one to press on in and to remain steadfast in my beliefs and my presentation, because it shows others that i am not joking around.

my heart became so light and happy that i decided to play my music, and i felt brand new and rejuvinated. the night before i had been so weary and worn down from the debate and when i woke up this morning i just sighed and said, "a continuation. oh boy." so i wasn't exactly elated to be caught up in the whirlwind of an emotional spiritual debate, but then out of the battle came a blessing, so i wound up being happy to have engaged in it at all.

an additional blessing also came from this debate. for the past 3 months i have been diligently and excitedly studying the Word of God and engaging in fellowship, and it felt so good and so intense that i had gotten to the point where i was dreaming daily dreams of God, Jesus, heaven and peace. and i would pray and pray for God to allow me to retain in that state of spiritual highnesses, just let me wake up every day as blessed and elated as i had been.

but life set in and eventually my strict study regimine waned, my study group went back to work and living, and i found myself studying only half diligently and listening to my music only on most days.

well engaging in that argument has spiked up my study habits again and has opened up an entirely new world to me--the world of monotheistic religion study.

now i have to scratch together another barnes and noble money bank because i am itching to get my hands on some more prominent works by scholars who study the Christianity/Judaism/islam relationship.

it's funny how God uses what we deem as discouraging situations to bless us, open up our minds and broaden our horizons. before this day i had no real interest in learning about the big 3 religions in relationship to each other, and now i'm so interested i've been researching for the past 6 hours. i feel that my prayers to remain committed to my Christian beliefs have been answered.

and that's a blessed day.