Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Leah, Rachel and the slave ship Trouvadore.

i was reading my Bible yesterday because i had to do some research for work...and i decided to use Leah and Rachel in my work.

for anyone that doesn't know about these two awesome yet very human sisters, you can check out their story in Genesis 29-30ish. but as a quick rundown...Leah and Rachel were sisters--Leah the oldest. Jacob (Issacs son, Abrahams grandson) fell in love with Rachel. as they were to be married, Rachel's father switched Rachel with her older sister Leah (the reasons for this could be many--Laban their father was a nasty man. and some say that the tradition was for the oldest to be married first) and Jacob accidentally married Leah. but because he was in love with Rachel, he married her too. now he wound up with two wives.

before i continue, let me interject that God has a funny sense of humor about Himself, and He never does anything for one reason. i was reading this story for my business, but wound up applying it to myself.

so Jacob has two wives who were sisters. sibling rivalry is a terror because these two constantly fought for Jacob's love. Jacob, although in love with Rachel, still knew that Leah was his wife. Leah was not very beautiful but she had a good heart and she was in absolute love with Jacob. Rachel was angry and frustrated and unhappy because she had a nasty father who basically ruined her life and she also had to compete for her husband Jacob, whom she loved.

Leah's story is one that we hear of so much today--she became pregnant, not once--but six times--to hope to win her husband's love and affection. and it never worked...because no matter how many children she had by Jacob, he always loved Rachel more.

yanno the saying, "a baby don't keep a man?" well the women of today--those same women who get pregnant in hopes of keeping their man--are the Leah's of today.

but that's not why i read the story, or why i applied it to myself. God has blessed me with a man that i don't have to fight over.

now Leah had the babies, but didn't have Jacob.

Rachel was the exact opposite. Rachel had Jacob, but she was infertile. and that was ruining her life even moreso than fighting over him with Leah was. Rachel believed that Leah was 10x better than she because Leah had Jacob's children, while she could not. Although Rachel had the love of her life and was content in every area, she still was basically a miserable little wench...because she wanted the man and his babies (this is where God taught me a lesson...but i'll get to that in a moment).

Now finally, God allowed Rachel to conceive. She had her son Joseph (who eventually became the ruler of Egypt)...and her words of joy were, "God has taken away my disgrace. May the Lord add to me another son!" so Rachel's thankfulness didn't come from having a healthy child, but "winning" the "war" between her sister and herself. because see, Leah had the babies, but not Jacob. and now Rachel had the baby AND she felt that she was the winner.

to make a long story short...Rachel's happiness didn't come until she had it all. But she was so miserable with her life because she was hurt and angry at her father and her sister that she missed out on her life. instead of enjoying what she was blessed with, Rachel complained her life away. not only that, but she was also a liar and a deciever herself--she let her anger and emotions get the best of her and basically ruin who she was, and that directly lead to her death. Leah remained faithful and loyal despite not having her hearts content...and guess what? Leah lived the longest life, had the most children AND she was buried with Abraham and Sarah. and rumor has it that Jacob eventually began to notice and become affectionate with Leah. Leah worked with what she had and thanked God for it, even if she had to share, even if she got the short end of the stick. Rachel only had two children, died at a young age while delivering the second baby, and was buried on the side of a road...away from her ancestors. she was miserable and unhappy because she didn't have it all. she was in constant competition with her sister (even though a man having multiple wives during this time was normal), always bickering, and at one time she and Jacob weren't on speaking terms because she was so miserable acting.

for a minute there, i was Rachel. instead of being happy with what i have and working with it, i complained and groped. i saw myself in Rachel...having love, having health, having this and that--but still being miserable because of what i don't have. for Rachel it was children and her husband to herself. for me, it's not having money and time to myself. but there are so many things i do have. i need to be grateful like Leah was...take what i have and work with it. because there are so many people that don't have it.

so i thank God for taking me to that story of Rachel and Leah...because i see that i do have alot and it could be worse.

i won't complain. and i feel like a heel for complaining as much as i did. my children, God, my extended family--really didn't deserve it. and i apologize to them.

and as a sidenote--check out this link:

this is an amazing story. i am big on history and culture in my older age--especially multicultural relationships, slavery and spanish culture. so this is right up my alley. how amazing a find they have...and what a story. enjoy!

Monday, November 24, 2008

when it rains, it pours.

well, my computer was stolen. and on that thing was basically my non-physical life. someone broke into my home and stole my computer. i actually know who did it, it was a dead giveaway. unfortunately you can't just point fingers and have someone arrested--there's an entire "process" that you must go through.

as if that wasn't enough--the financial doldrums have gotten to me and i am really struggling with wanting to do so many things and not being able to--it's depressing. i want to redo my house because i cannot stand looking at it anymore. there isn't anything different about it, but i just cannot stand it anymore. i went to ikea and that didn't help matters any because i saw some pieces that i really, REALLY like. *sigh* so i have to work through this little moment i'm having. it's either redo my house or cut off all of my hair. so be on the lookout for some cute shabby chic house redecorating tips from yours truly...and i will be telling you what works (and yes, what doesn't).

the husband and i have been going through our ups and downs, and i understand that it's probably my fault moreso than his--ok, it is my fault more than his. because i am being difficult to deal with. because i am upset. because i am going through alot. *sigh* i love him though, and he knows it. it's just hard for me right now. i haven't been going to visits, we haven't been speaking much on the phone...right now is a time more than any other that i wish he were home. i can't handle the stress anymore of having him not here. but i guess i can handle it--because i'm doing it. i think part of it is the fact that i'm getting cold feet about him even coming home...will blog more about it later. ha.

so i'm spending the days rebuilding my computer files from scratch, trying to remember what things i didn't save on disk and in email...and right now i'm on my old ancient desktop (7 years old woohoo), not exactly surfing the web...more like skimming it, because this thing is--old. but bear with me. when it rains, it pours, but what doesn't drown me will only make me stronger. and i AM still blessed.

Friday, November 7, 2008

whoooooaaaaaaa hoooohaaaaa!

alot has happened in the last week huh? LOL...i thought i would be around to post and rant and rave all about my GREAT BRAND NEW PRESIDENT, BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA!!!! BUT...i was so dizzy and knocked out from screaming and crying and clapping and jumping up and down from 11PM until 3AM on November 4th and 5th that i totally ignored my blogger :(

well, i'm back and life is good. it's funny how all of my issues seemed to dissipate the moment that man won the election.

"my gas bill isn't paid--it's ok, barack is president!", "the dog is getting sick again. it's ok, barack is president!", "business is so slow. it's ok, barack is president!"

and i mean i really feel that way. i lost my beloved coupon book the night before the election, and when barack won i said, "i lost my coupon book, but it's ok because barack is president!"

it's amazing how one man can change so many lives, including mine. i feel so blessed to have him as president, and i am SO excited for us as a collective people!

Monday, October 27, 2008

lookie what i found!

well, i didn't FIND it...i must give credit to one of my fellow Obamaniacs for forwarding it to me...but i LOVE IT! enjoy.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

girl scouts are back in town!

well, my daughter's girl scout troop is back in session, and they've started the season off right with a girl scout magazine and a go greener sale. a go greener sale is when they sell products that promote earth friendly thinking and behaviors, such as t-shirts with cute little says and mugs and natural snacks such as nuts and trail mixes and natural chocolates. i told my daughter that this year i wasn't going to sell things for her, but instead she was going to have to put in the legwork and start asking around school to see if anyone wants to purchase any items. i'll also do my part and ask her grandmothers to do their parts, but she's gonna have to help too!

with that being said, anyone want to purchase a magazine subscription or a go greener t-shirt?! :D

Thursday, October 2, 2008

joe's moment!

i LOVED joe tonight on the debate. in my opinion, he couldn't have done anything more perfectly. he was efficient, effective and respectful.

the moment when he almost cried made me almost cry. he was just so...human, understanding and he related to us common folk. that really touched my heart.

i can't wait to catch that part on youtube.

joe, you go boy!!!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008


lmao. i *borrowed* this image from field...i thought it was too cute to leave on his page only!

thanks field, i will return your picture as soon as susan (i mean sarah) goes back to alaska (which should be in about a month and some change).

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

the broke folk stock up list.

in these trying financial times, i've decided to try my hand more thoroughly at cooking to save money. i've devised a cute little list of items that i think are pretty affordable and make some GOOD meals if you take the time to prepare them correctly. i've also included some basics that no house should be without...yanno, just in case all of the supermarkets crash and we're forced to eat from what we have in the house for the next month. enjoy!


yellow onions

gallons of water

canned goods

bagged beans

chicken legs (or quarters if you don't mind cleaning and cutting them)


rice (lots and lots of rice--this stuff is invaluable)

i know this list sounds like a WWII rations list, but trust me, stock your house up with these things because a severe economic crunch may be ahead. it's always good to save money. i know i have about 4 20lb bags of rice and about 50 cans of veggies. i have about 10 gallons of water and about 8 bags of beans. i'm running out of pasta, with about 9 boxes left, and i don't have any chicken legs or potatoes. tomorrow i'm going to purchase 2 large bags of each lol.

i'm crazy anyway though so don't take my word for it. when SARS broke out i had about 100 rolls of duct tape. ever since 911 i've had this whole "issue" going on where i have to stock my shelves for some major catastrophe. i'm not sure if i should seek counseling for this problem--but it sure does make me feel better when i'm loaded down with supplies.

now all i have to do is purchase wings for the house and i'm set.

talk about crashing.

yesterday the stock market crashed (more like plummeted) 777 points. today, i crashed (more like plummeted) 778 points. i beat the stock.

that's how i feel at any rate. yesterday i was fine, the sun was shining, everything was good. last night i got NO sleep. i don't know what it is exactly, but i think it's a cumulation of situations and issues i'm having...including the social and financial state of the country, my personal goals and dreams being put on hold, difficulty in finding decent employment (for myself), the fact that i can't move my family right now, the fact that i've been going to the gym for a month 4x a week and i feel bigger, and i'm the same weight i was a month ago (walking ALWAYS helps me lose weight--what gives), my mp3 player and my gym card got stolen ANYWAY, my husband is in prison and he's stressing...the list goes on.

i think i had the weight of the world on my shoulders when i woke up today.

so i took the girls to school, came back home and started to clean. whenever i'm stressed i either suck my thumb, clean the house, try to nap, talk to my hubby (if i can), or i listen to music. so i started cleaning, and it just so happens that before my cousin left for work today she left the CD player on. and it switched to my favorite donnie mcclurkin CD. in ten minutes i was bawling and praying for everything to just be alright with me. i apologized to God for my behaviors lately, i asked Him to please just never leave me alone. right now i feel so alone in the world. despite having family and friends that love me, i feel so alone. i also thanked Him for what i do have. there are so many people that have so much less, so many people that would love to be in my shoes. with all of my concerns and issues, there are actually people who would LOVE to be in my shoes. i thank God for what He has given me, and i pray that He helps me learn any lessons that need to be learned from my current state of affairs. after the song finished playing, i felt 100% better and relieved. i still have some residual tears in my eyes, i'm still a little stressed. but i am doing alot better...God is good.

[my] stock market plummeted, but it's not the end of the world.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

ok. sarah is starting to grind my nerves in a NOT so good way.

i just found this clip on youtube. i wasn't looking for it, but it's obviously sarah on a phone interview. and if she can laugh at someone making such a mockery of a cancer survivor and fellow mother, then i can imagine what she's saying about barack, and all of those rumors about her making racist remarks concerning blacks is probably true.

i was feeling bad for her, because i know joe is going to RIP her ass to shreds during the VP debate, but now i'm going out to buy extra popcorn because it's going to be one bloody political murder i can't wait to watch.

Friday, September 26, 2008

a few other saves!

i just found the 2x concentrate trend detergent, and let me tell you--that stuff is working wonders on my clothes. i thought it would suck because it's trend, but it is good stuff. at 1.99 on sale, it's even better.
but remember to buy the 2x concentrate--the regular one doesn't seem to be AS good as this one.

i find that krasdale and red and white brands are excellent substitutes for their more expensive counterparts. some things i love to purchase by these brands--aluminum foil, sugar, trash bags, apple juice and salt.

t-mobile has this new flex pay plan...which seems to be wonderful for those who aren't able to get a cellular phone plan that's monthly. heck, it seems so good and their phones are so cool that even I want to get rid of my monthly plan! but it's in the hubby's name so i'll keep it :D

the dollar stores up here are lifesavers. from them i purchase toilet tissue, baking pans, detergents, socks, glass cleaner, brillo pads, bleach, toilet bowl cleaners, carpet fresheners, air fresheners, candles, x-mas lights and decorations, gift wrap, cellophane wrap, sippy cups for the baby, cups and bowls, utensils, batteries, napkins, plastic utensils and cups, paper plates...the list goes on. and yes, in the NE, the dollar store really has items that cost 1.00 each.

but for those of us willing to go a little more expensive, family dollar sells the best towels and washclothes for the price i've seen anywhere. they are extremely soft and durable. and it's a 12 pack for 5.00 last i checked--well worth it.

as i come across more saves in my daily running around, i will be sure to post them!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

a list of comparisons.

well, since i have about 20 minutes until i get the girls from school and prepare them for girl scouts, i just thought that i'd make a list for my readers who are interested in saving some money.

because i have already tried these items (and my taste buds are on POINT, meaning that if something is nasty i'll be honest about it and if i say it's good you can trust me on it), you'll be taking much less of a risk when you shop.

in my part of the country, these are the stores that i shop at regularly: shoprite, pathmark, extra supermarkets and rite aid. so if you don't shop at any of these stores, then this little blog won't aid you at all, unfortunately.

but if you do shop at any of these stores, you're in for a treat.

ok. first, i have noticed that as far as brand names go, pathmark has by far surpassed the competition concerning taste, quality, and packaging of their products. so about 50% of the items i buy are pathmarks namebrand, which USED to be pathmark until about 2 months ago. A&P food chains have brought out pathmark, so although pathmark will retain it's name, it's brand is now America's Choice. which is still the same item, simply packaged under a new name.

some pathmark brand items i do NOT leave the store without because their quality and/or taste is just as good, if not better than, and save big bucks over versus the big name brands:

light bulbs (1.00 for a 4 pack versus GE @ 3.00 for a 4 pack)

syrup (2.50 for 36 ounces versus aunt jemima @ 4.49 for 36 ounces)

pancake mix (1.69 for 1 box versus aunt jemima @ 3.79 for 1 box)

spring water (2.79 for 3 gallons versus poland spring @ 5.00 for 3 gallons)

now. shoprite has a disgusting tasting storebrand, so i refuse to purchase ANYTHING by shoprites brand unless it is their canned goods. their Can-Can sale is unbeatable. i usually pay on average 1.00 for 3 cans of vegetables...the cheapest in the city. HOWEVER, shoprites prices on NAMEBRAND items cannot be beat. on average, without a sale, their items are priced anywhere from 5-10% cheaper than pathmark or any other grocery chain. that adds up to big bucks when you don't have coupons or sales going on.

now extra is a store only found in the northeastern part of the country, namely nj and ny. i go there and get all of my meats because they are good cuts and fresh. and most of all, they are affordable. now extra's store brand is Parade. i have nothing but good things to say about Parade products--they are of a great quality. some parade brand items that i buy regularly are (and yes--they save me tons of money and are just as good, if not better than, their namebrand competitors):

waffles (1.00 a box compared to eggo @ 3.50 a box)

peanut butter (2.29 a jar compared to JIF @ 3.79 a jar)

frozen vegetables (1.39 a bag compared to Birdseye @ 3.99 a bag)

now i have to add as also, that extra here in my city sells alot of ethnic foods, especially for hispanic and carribean cuisine. so they also carry alot of ethnic names such as goya, iberia and vitaroz. i LOVE iberia's snack crackers...they are better than ritz (1.09 per box of 4 packs compared to ritz 4.19 per box of 4 pack), and i only buy vanilla wafers from vitaroz because they taste great(.99 per box compared to nabisco @ 3.99 per box). now goya i'm not too thrilled about because goya has decided that they were going to up their prices since they are so popular. but when i do purchase from goya, i love their spices...which you can grab on a good sale for about 60% off the regular price. not only that, but extra sells Malt-O-Meal cereals, which my kids LIVE by. they are about 65% cheaper than any name brand cereal and they are JUST AS GREAT TASTING--i PROMISE. my kids wouldn't eat them if they weren't. i buy by the bag their cinnamon toast crunch (2.99 for 24 ounces compared to General Mills @ 6.49 for 24 ounces), their fruit loops (2.99 for 24 ounces compared to Kelloggs @ 4.79 for 24 ounces), their honey nut cheerios (2.99 for 24 ounces versus General Mills @ 4.79 for 24 ounces) and their apple jacks (2.99 for 24 ounces versus Kelloggs @ 4.79 for 24 ounces).

on to rite-aid. alot of people do not believe that rite-aid offers anything of value, but for the coupon savvy person, rite-aid offers many things for free. the only irritating thing about rite-aid is that because they are in the speciality of drugs and not groceries, you have to catch their sale on the day the sale starts if you don't want to be waiting for 4 months for another shipment of that item to come in. rite-aid has EXCELLENT sales weekly, but they are only truly excellent if you have accompanying coupons. if you have a coupon (or a ton of them like i do), rite-aid will happily give you for free the following items (these are things i never pay for--well except tax and that's 0.03):

colgate toothpaste (3.49 reg.)

lady speed stick 24/7 (3.49 reg.)

irish spring 3 pack (3.49 reg.)

bic ink pens 10 pack (3.00 reg.)

these are items i get a real steal on with coupons:

softsoap handsoap: .75

iams dog food (8 lb. bag): 3.00

G.U.M. toothbrush: .50

always pads: 1.00

tampax tampons: 1.75

friskies cat food: .15 per can

so the tips i can offer today for those living in the NE part of the country, namely NY, NJ, CT and the surrounding states are:

1. pathmark for their store brand items--excellent quality and excellent pricing compared to name brand items.

2. shop rite for their name brand items and their storebrand vegetables. do not purchase shoprites storebrand for anything else unless you like a chemical or greasy aftertaste in everything you eat.

3. extra for their meats and their ethnic items and their bagged cereals...especially the Malt-O-Meal brand.

4. rite-aid for their super sale items (which are usually priced at 1.00 for alot of great things) with coupons. although the coupons don't usually double, if the item is very cheap and the coupon is a good're getting it free (colgate palmolive ALWAYS have coupons for 1.00 off an item and rite-aid sells those items for 1.00).

i will post more later but the girls are home now and it's time for Mommy Duty. LOL.


"believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if i have said it, unless it agrees with your own common sense." ~buddha

Monday, September 22, 2008

penny pinching even more.

man oh man. i haven't done my coupons in WEEKS! i need to really get on the ball with that--money around here is getting SO super tight that i need to be able to save it's back to couponing for me.

the only thing is--the coupons are often for namebrand only items and i buy alot of storebrand items because they are just as good--if not better--than the same items with the namebrand.

so now i'll be spending even more time in the store trying to see if the namebrand with the coupon is cheaper than the storebrand without the coupon.

as if i'm not already busy enough! geesh! eek. but time is money and i need all the money i can i have to do what i have to do for us to be ok until hubby comes home. then it will be alot easier on me (once he gets into the swing of things). until then, it's God and me holding everyone together lol (but the girls and hubby are doing their share too--i gotta give them their credit! they are keeping me going with their love and kisses hehe).

Monday, September 15, 2008

as a sidenote.

now i know i have alot of sidenotes lately, but i can't help it! i'm going to stop posting so many, but man oh man i can't help but to laugh everytime something new unfolds. poor john, i do feel bad for him.

finally, going to the gym.

if anyone has read...this current post is a follow-up to this post that i made a while back concerning my purchase of weight loss pills versus the gym membership card to use the treadmill.

well i got the card, thus me being able to go to the gym four times per week. oh ye of little faith in myself, because not only did i get the card and start going to the gym, but i never lost the desire to go in the first place!


even though i haven't blogged about it at all...i've started faithfully going to the gym four times per week. i walk two miles at three miles per hour and i usually don't do an incline because i don't want very muscular legs. just a slight incline at about three inches.

tonight my mom said she noticed i was losing weight. my hubby has remarked also that when he hugs me he noticed i'm getting smaller. the girls still have "mommy's belly" jokes but they usually get hit with the "you came OUT OF THIS BELLY SO IT'S your belly too!" and that quiets them down for a few seconds until they can't help but to bust out laughing as they run out of the room. so two out of five ain't bad huh. LOL.

i personally am not noticing any weight loss, but then again usually those trying to lose hardly ever do until it's substantial. i also don't feel any healthier or lighter or more's odd. i've been walking for about three weeks now...going on a month.

what i do appreciate about the time at the gym is that it's my personal time. i brought a mp3 player off ebay (for 30.00--talk about frugal!) and it has been one of my best purchases from there. it helps me relax while i walk. if i don't listen to music then i watch CNN or MSNBC while i walk, and argue with the tv for the forty-five minutes to an hour that i'm there.

all in all, i never thought i would say this, but i am REALLY enjoying going to the gym. i only have eleven months to get it together for that sexathon coming up!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

as a sidenote.

lmao. now i know this election is very serious, history making and all of that...but these youtubes are PRICELESS! watch them all and laugh as hard as i did...please? :D

Saturday, September 13, 2008

as a sidenote.

i have to admit, i have a very soft spot in my heart for john mccain. i really like him as a person, i think he is a very good man, and i pray that he is blessed continually.

why am i such a softie for him? personally, i believe that he hasn't gotten to live the way he wanted to, hasn't done the things that he truly wanted to do as a person, a son, a man, a husband, a father, a public figure. he's been a puppet for others--from his father to his wife (that plastic faced cindy) the GOP--for as long as he's been alive.

i feel bad for him because he's lived his life for everyone else, never being able to do the things that he TRULY wanted to do. no one should have to revolve their entire life around the needs of others, everyone should be able to enjoy their lives as they see fit, because it is theirs and theirs alone. i believe that he never learned how to say no to others, how to put a limit on the control he gave others over him. that more than likely developed as a result from his father's influence over him from a very young age.

so i have to admit...i really do have that soft spot in my heart for john. sometimes i wonder if he wishes things could have been different concerning his life. i hope that he is at peace with how he lived and is living, i hope that he has found peace with himself and his decisions over the course of the years...and that he has no regrets.

my locs and i...with pictures!

ravyn wanted me to show her a picture of my i had my 6 year old hold the camera, aim and click a few pictures. these two came out the best. while i think that a recent bout of stress is stunting the growth of my hair in general, i think that my hair looks more like locs now than ever and i have noticed SOME length to them. i twist them myself, and these locs were not started with totally kinky hair--the last 2 inches of each loc is relaxed *yes, RELAXED* hair, and yes that loc'ed as well :) i cut the ends of a few locs to remove the relaxed hair, thinking it would make a huge difference--but it didn't. so i don't plan on cutting them until my hair is well below my shoulders...which at this rate will take me about another four years LOL.

anyway...those are my boos...i love them so much. in the second picture in my hair is a sterling silver dogwood flower earring that i won off ebay. a famous designer handcrafted it--i forget his name though LOL. to me, it's a symbol of the cross which Christ was crucified on, so it's special to me. it's loc'ed into my hair, so i don't have to worry about it coming out. the second picture is the top of my little ponytail--i can gather up my locs now to make a little bush ponytail. i can't wait until i can wrap them around my head. patience, patience...i know i know! in the first picture you can see much better the ends of my locs...which are relaxed, but will not untwist.

as i come across little items, i'll add them to my locs. soon it'll be like my very own charm bracelet in my hair. LOL.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

looking for fleas.

^Baby during one of her better moments. the cotton rag around her neck was to protect it from the elements and the was red and raw from mange, and during that time i was exercising her more often to get rid of 15 lbs of excess puppy weight!

about three years ago as i was driving to go to the store i red nosed pit bull tied to a gate, bloody, cold and hungry. it just so happened that the gate was across the street from my front door. as i drove past, i noticed the dog looked like it was waiting--patiently--for someone to come get it. figuring it must have an owner, i kept driving, but a nagging in the back of my mind prompted me to say to myself, "if it's not gone by the time i come back, i'll have to untie it."

well as it happens to be, because God seems to want me as keeper of all things needing TLC, when i got back from the store, the dog was still there, patiently waiting. i pulled over, and 6 months pregnant and wobbling...i cautiously approached the dog, noticing that it was a she and her bloodiness was not only worse than i thought, but her attitude was better than i expected. she eagerly wagged her tail at me and tried to trot on over to me, but the rope tied around her neck prevented her from taking more than a few steps.

when i realized not only was she not going to bite me, but that she appeared grateful to have me there--it dawned on me that her owner was NOT coming back for her. so i took off my gloves (it was about 11 degrees outside) and i tried to untie the knot--but it was done tight. so after at least 5 minutes of trying, i realized i couldn't get the knot undone and it was cold and i was feeling every inch of the weather. a passerby saw me struggling and she offered to help me--and for the next 10 minutes, we both struggled in the freezing cold to untie the dog.

finally we got it undone and we reviewed her injuries. to me they looked horrible, but that probably was because i was pregnant and especially sensitive to anything that looked uncomfortable. the woman asked me if i was going to try to help the dog, because she would if she could but she had no where to take her. i told her i'd take her in my house.

that was the beginning of my and the girls relationship with Baby--a red nosed badly bred but heart of gold pit bull.

now, three years later, Baby's mange, which was the cause of her distress and more than likely her owners disposal of her--is not any better. it has it's up and down (mostly down) moments and i noticed that now, she's not as positively effected by medications that she's taking for it. it's bad enough that my already badly strained pockets can't afford another bill, but what makes it worse is that i can't afford her already marked down medications (the vet marked the prices down from 130.00 a shot 2 times a month to 50.00 a dose once a day--30 day supply for me--and that is CHEAP). so i am struggling with her, badly. i wish i had a constant supply of the medicine, but because her mange (which is demodex) is so bad, he's afraid that it will be a lifetime illness, meaning a lifetime of medication.

that has me stressed.

last summer was one of Baby's better moments--she actually had about 17 fleas that nested on her. now while most pet owners despise the little nasty buggers that sap the life and blood from animals worldwide, for Baby, the presence of fleas was a great thing! she was so sick and so bad off that neither fleas nor ticks would come close to was a mixture of the medication and the sickness and the stinch probably...but last summer 17 very brave little fleas decided that they would land on her and suck her blood. this summer, not a single flea is in sight...letting me know that they just don't find her appealing. letting me know that she's having a bad turn of events.

i'm still struggling with her illness--it's very bad. but it has humbled her and made her into one of the most loyal and loving dogs i have ever seen. she has a heart of gold and she smiles at the camera for pictures, despite being in pain. her vet said, "she's more even tempered than even the best pits i've seen. to be in so much pain and not so much as growl--wow what a dog!"

at one time i tried to put her down, but i couldn't bring it in my heart to do it. that was two years ago, and i still haven't done it, because of how much the kids love her, how much i love her, how much it would break us up inside to put her to sleep.

i've been through so much with this dog, i've had to pray over and for her because sometimes she gets so sick she'll stop eating and peeing...and then i feel guilty for even keeping her alive. but even if i wanted to--i can't afford the cost of putting her down. and i don't know if i could ever do that. so right now, yes i am being stingy and selfish in keeping her alive...but it's my only option as far as i can see.

she just had a bath and she's feeling much better. her skin isn't doing too good and we have no medication. when she dries completely i'll take her for a short stroll (she gets exhausted super easily and i don't like to add any extra stress on her), and i'll try to scrape her up a bone for her good attitude.

but unfortunately, there are no fleas this summer.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

as a sidenote.

am i the only one who thinks sarah palin's RNC speech was just ugh? i mean...i did not, nor do i see now--what everyone else sees in the speech. i personally thought she looked like she was reading from a script, she spoke about her personal issues WAY too much, and she did not seem sincere. nor did she actually TALK about any of the issues we're facing as americans (other than energy issues but uh--ok).

maybe it's just me. but i just don't see what the big whoopti doo about sarah is? *confused*

partying with chuck e. cheese!

it's been about 5 years since i've gone to chuck e. cheese with the kids--and today we went to celebrate the oldest baby's birthday. my ex'es daughters and their families, the oldest's two friends (brother and sister), my cousin and her son, and my sister and her son were all there. we had the best time ever.

the best part about the day (besides the fact that my baby had fun) was that my family made it there with me despite the weather being HORRIBLE (and i mean it's bad outside). and my kids (all of them hehe) were there with their own families--which made it even better. we had so much fun, and i have alot of pictures. we even got the sketches from chuck e. cheese for a token each--we have like 20 of them!

overall it was a beautiful day. despite the weather being so super crummy, we had fun. i'm happy we went. i got to spend time with my family altogether and it was perfect with just us.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

a blogger must have.

i just couldn't let this one slide--it's a keeper for sure. while i wasn't going to get out of bed on November 4th, 2008--i just might have to put on my flip flops and head on down to the polls--because i'll have a FIT if the republicans win this election AGAIN.

like i said--this one is classic and goes down in blogger history haha.

sarah needs to just go back home to Alaska and do what she does best!

Attacks, praise stretch truth at GOP convention

ST. PAUL, Minn. - Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and her Republican supporters held back little Wednesday as they issued dismissive attacks on Barack Obama and flattering praise on her credentials to be vice president. In some cases, the reproach and the praise stretched the truth.

Some examples:

PALIN: "I have protected the taxpayers by vetoing wasteful spending ... and championed reform to end the abuses of earmark spending by Congress. I told the Congress 'thanks but no thanks' for that Bridge to Nowhere."

THE FACTS: As mayor of Wasilla, Palin hired a lobbyist and traveled to Washington annually to support earmarks for the town totaling $27 million. In her two years as governor, Alaska has requested nearly $750 million in special federal spending, by far the largest per-capita request in the nation. While Palin notes she rejected plans to build a $398 million bridge from Ketchikan to an island with 50 residents and an airport, that opposition came only after the plan was ridiculed nationally as a "bridge to nowhere."

PALIN: "There is much to like and admire about our opponent. But listening to him speak, it's easy to forget that this is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or reform — not even in the state senate."

THE FACTS: Compared to McCain and his two decades in the Senate, Obama does have a more meager record. But he has worked with Republicans to pass legislation that expanded efforts to intercept illegal shipments of weapons of mass destruction and to help destroy conventional weapons stockpiles. The legislation became law last year. To demean that accomplishment would be to also demean the work of Republican Sen. Richard Lugar of Indiana, a respected foreign policy voice in the Senate. In Illinois, he was the leader on two big, contentious measures in Illinois: studying racial profiling by police and requiring recordings of interrogations in potential death penalty cases. He also successfully co-sponsored major ethics reform legislation.

PALIN: "The Democratic nominee for president supports plans to raise income taxes, raise payroll taxes, raise investment income taxes, raise the death tax, raise business taxes, and increase the tax burden on the American people by hundreds of billions of dollars."

THE FACTS: The Tax Policy Center, a think tank run jointly by the Brookings Institution and the Urban Institute, concluded that Obama's plan would increase after-tax income for middle-income taxpayers by about 5 percent by 2012, or nearly $2,200 annually. McCain's plan, which cuts taxes across all income levels, would raise after tax-income for middle-income taxpayers by 3 percent, the center concluded.

Obama would provide $80 billion in tax breaks, mainly for poor workers and the elderly, including tripling the Earned Income Tax Credit for minimum-wage workers and higher credits for larger families.

He also would raise income taxes, capital gains and dividend taxes on the wealthiest. He would raise payroll taxes on taxpayers with incomes above $250,000, and he would raise corporate taxes. Small businesses that make more than $250,000 a year would see taxes rise.

MCCAIN: "She's been governor of our largest state, in charge of 20 percent of America's energy supply ... She's responsible for 20 percent of the nation's energy supply. I'm entertained by the comparison and I hope we can keep making that comparison that running a political campaign is somehow comparable to being the executive of the largest state in America," he said in an interview with ABC News' Charles Gibson.

THE FACTS: McCain's phrasing exaggerates both claims. Palin is governor of a state that ranks second nationally in crude oil production, but she's no more "responsible" for that resource than President Bush was when he was governor of Texas, another oil-producing state. In fact, her primary power is the ability to tax oil, which she did in concert with the Alaska Legislature. And where Alaska is the largest state in America, McCain could as easily have called it the 47th largest state — by population.

MCCAIN: "She's the commander of the Alaska National Guard. ... She has been in charge, and she has had national security as one of her primary responsibilities," he said on ABC.

THE FACTS: While governors are in charge of their state guard units, that authority ends whenever those units are called to actual military service. When guard units are deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan, for example, they assume those duties under "federal status," which means they report to the Defense Department, not their governors. Alaska's national guard units have a total of about 4,200 personnel, among the smallest of state guard organizations.

FORMER ARKANSAS GOV. MIKE HUCKABEE: Palin "got more votes running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska than Joe Biden got running for president of the United States."

THE FACTS: A whopper. Palin got 616 votes in the 1996 mayor's election, and got 909 in her 1999 re-election race, for a total of 1,525. Biden dropped out of the race after the Iowa caucuses, but he still got 76,165 votes in 23 states and the District of Columbia where he was on the ballot during the 2008 presidential primaries.

FORMER MASSACHUSETTS GOV. MITT ROMNEY: "We need change, all right — change from a liberal Washington to a conservative Washington! We have a prescription for every American who wants change in Washington — throw out the big-government liberals, and elect John McCain and Sarah Palin."

THE FACTS: A Back-to-the-Future moment. George W. Bush, a conservative Republican, has been president for nearly eight years. And until last year, Republicans controlled Congress. Only since January 2007 have Democrats have been in charge of the House and Senate.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

school's a-startin'!

the summer has gone by way too fast (which is bittersweet for me in so many ways) and now school starts officially in just two tiny days. that's also bittersweet for means my girls are growing up and getting even bigger than they were, but it also means that now i get some much needed privacy and space and time to work on the business and my personal health (i've been gym-ing--will blog about that later). it means that the girls get back to their social lives with their friends, and that i can get back business with the things that need to be done.

man oh man...i am so proud of my girls, watching them grow up. and i am charging the camera so of course we can take those first day of school pictures! haha! and i have to go and purchase their lunches (awwwwwwwww). yes yes yes...i am so siked about this.

gee i love my family.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

paranormal romance.

ok, anyone who knows me knows that i am a romance novel freak. so i recently joined eharlequin to purchase novels, and i have to admit, it's my newest obsession.

they sent me two free books from their nocturne lineup...and i enjoyed them. so i went off and purchased 7 more.

now WHY did i do that?

i don't know if it's just me being so stressed out and cranky from my aunt flo visiting, or if i'm already wanting my own romance novel to commence from HOMECOMING on with my husband, or if i just find these novels lackluster because the plots are so corny or overworked...but i cannot stand this new wave of romance authors.

the novels aren't holding my attention. maybe i'm just not into paranormal romance. ugh. and now, i'm stuck with basically 7 books that i purchased that i don't even want to read. but they are MY books--which means i'm stuck with them! *sigh* that's fine.

for my next order, i'm keeping it sweet and simple, with what i like. contemporary romance or historical.

they also have that athena force lineup that sounds so good and the nascar lineup...which has covers that i just love to look at. definitely gonna have to purchase a few of those bad boys, even if they are like 5.00 each.

yes, i judge books by the cover--especially romance novels.

yeah, i'm sticking to what i know. if i read one more overdone, overdramatic, crickety, poorly written plot paranormal romance, i'm going to have to bust harlequin in the head to the white meat.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

of things related and unrelated - 8/26/08

i have decided to start blogging more often because i tend to lose myself in the blogosphere and then have a difficult time gaining myself back.

i am really loving my hair these days. it's growing out and longer, and now it's starting to look defined.

school starts in one week. and i am so not ready.

my hubby and i have decided that we can pull these last 11 months, but it is going to break our behinds. we are tired and want prison to be over with already. but today, we have decided that this time is nothing compared to what we've done.

i paid off my subscription to figure magazine. I LOVE FIGURE MAGAZINE! yay--another year of beauty--full figure style!

i got a 10.00 off coupon for my kid's school clothes--2 days after i brought them. i am going to see if i can get my 10.00 back by going to the store to present the coupon.

i really missed reading some of my favorite blogs. having a life outside of the i-net can so suck at times.

the business is coming along beautifully. i am basically ready to start. now time to learn about marketing techniques for the small business world!

it's already 2:30 pm. where does the time fly?

Monday, August 11, 2008

mrs officer.

lol. i love this song. in so many ways, it reminds me of my hubby and i. because i am so the good girl, and he is so the bad boy...and our history is very "good side of the law/bad side of the law".

everytime i hear it, it makes me snicker.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

it seems i'm always sick.

hmm. i wonder how is it that i'm the only person i know that gets one type of sickness right after another, back to back.

i've always been a *sickly* child, but as i got older, my immune system seemed to be getting stronger--or so i thought.

here i am tonight, feeling a cold coming on! and i am JUST getting over an ear canal infection in my right ear and what felt like the beginning of an ear canal infection in my left ear. i actually can't lay on my right side still because it's still achy and draining. and here i getting a sore throat, stuffy nose, and all around *achy* feeling.

hubby told me, "you are the only person i know that honestly gets more than 20 colds per year". it's no fun i tell ya--because it does happen often, but only for like 1-2 days. i don't know how long the average cold lasts, but i know mine seem pretty short, albeit severe.

so i'm still sick. this is hindering business progress, as i'm doing everything myself, and well...if i'm in the bed aching i can't be up like a mad scientist creating new breakthroughs in my business!


it's always something.

Thursday, July 31, 2008


tonight, i am SO frustrated. it's one of those nights where i just WISH...i just wish SO much...that i had everything i wanted, when i wanted it. i don't want to wait for anything. i don't want to wait for anyone. i want what i want and i want it now. today was such a great day, but suddenly, like a sudden thunderstorm, my whole mood changed. i went from just fine--to just not fine. nothing provoked it, nothing out of the ordinary happened. i was i'm not.

i want my friend to pay me attention NOW.

i want my husband to be home NOW.

i want my business to be successful NOW.

i want 1,000,000.00 NOW (i'm not greedy).

i want sex NOW.

i want a huge home in a quiet area NOW.

i am mad. i feel like a child in a toy store who can't have the toys she wants MOST.

i feel like kicking, screaming, and crying on the floor.

i am just FRUSTRATED. and i am having trouble releasing it in a healthy, sane, and safe way.

maybe tomorrow will be better.

Monday, July 7, 2008

my locs today.

today i really enjoyed my locs. i mean, i really enjoyed them.

i think this is due partly because they are finally starting to loc, without me needing to retwist them constantly. july 10th will make my locs exactly 3 months old, and yes, they ALL are quite indeed either loc'ed or well on their way to being loc'ed. as i mentioned in a previous post, my locs are now all very difficult to get out, and it's safe to say that the back is fully loc'ed up.

they are still only about 4-6 inches long, depending on the loc. some of them i have cut mercilessly because the ends are still relaxed (but can you believe that some of the relaxed parts are knotted too?!). they are really growing out nicely, finally, but my roots are super frizzy. so i am always twisting still, but it's good to be able to twist by choice, instead of HAVING to. now, i only have about 3 or so locs that are still giving me trouble (aka they are loc'ed in the middle but not on the ends nor towards the root). every other one is basically a go.

i am also starting to become more comfortable with my locs. i don't mind letting them hang or clipping them up, or putting on a pretty headscarf with them twisted into it.
i also have to admit, water in my hair is now my best friend! i LOVE to take showers and let my hair get drenched. when i wore chemicalized styles or weaves, it was my worst nightmare to have my hair get wet! now...i love, and encourage, water to get all in my hair. it feels so good, it cleanses my hair naturally, AND on top of it all, it keeps my hair soft! who woulda knew?!

well i'm off to play in my hair and get some sleep.!

i am so addicted to the website i LOVE it. i can never get enough of it.

my mailbox is always overrunning with freebies, 75% of which come in GOOD use. one time, i was super bloated and got free gas x strips...they helped. then the free snacks go on trips with the kids and i. i love the free pads, because i can stash them in my purse on the go. not to mention free bookbags, shirts, sunvisors, magnets (which hold up visit pictures from the prison beautifully on our fridge), diapers...i love it!

i suggest always using a great virus program whenever you click on the links, some sites have adware and spyware that follow you to collect information on how you like to shop online. i have never had much of a problem, but in the past had to clear one or two off my system.

also, to do this you need patience. i just spent the last 2 hours ordering about 20 new items! some sites are so cool, you wind up reviewing the entire site and you get sidetracked!

i signed up for their free email, which i love, because the guy james is so supercool, and the email has lots of useful info in it.


an easy rice recipe.

i made this haphazardly and it came out great...the kids and i ate the whole pot (my cousin helped us). i also liked it because it reminds me of my hubby and his family as well (his aunt made this for me first).

1 part rice

2 parts water

2 tablespoons margarine or butter

salt to taste

2 packets of goya adobo (the orange packet that seasons and colors food--this is to make the rice yellow)

if you prefer, you can just buy yellow rice already packaged and ready to cook. that's more expensive than just making your own yellow rice from scratch.

next comes the veggies and meats. i just cut up whatever i had on hand, like my hubby's aunt told me to do.

1/2 large bell pepper

1/2 large red onion

1/4 lb of salami cubes (ham also works, so does pepperoni. yesterday i used chiorzio (sp)...a type of spanish meat)

2 large eggs, scrambled

cook the rice as you normally would, and when it is done, mix in all of the above ingredients, cover it tightly, and allow the steam to cook the extra ingredients for 10 minutes. it will soften the veggies and meat, and bring out the flavor in the eggs.

you can serve the rice with another meat or vegetable or eat it plain (that's how we do!).

you can add or subtract as much of the ingredients as you like to suit your taste. you can also experiment with different ingredients, such as yellow onions, bean sprouts, luncheon meats, peas, garlic, red peppers, etc.).

pondering blogs.

i wonder, if you post continuously about the same thing on your blog, day in and day out, does that make you obsessive about that topic? does it make it so if some of your readers feel that you obsess over that topic, because it's all you talk about? does it change things if your blog is a "diary" type blog versus a "category specific" type blog?

i wonder, if you have a blog like mine, one with no rhyme or reason, just saying what you feel at that particular time about what's on your mind or happening in your life at that particular time, is it safe to say that your life is like that? no real rhyme or reason, just going through the days as they come, and reacting to your experiences according to the way you feel at that moment? no real "planning" or "organizing" what you're going to say? because you don't plan on your blog, is that indicative that you don't plan adequately in real life?

should you post on your blog for the pleasure of others, or yourself? if you are posting a "diary" type blog, but it has the "feel" of being more created to attract the audiences' eye, does that make your blog a sham? not authentic? does it mean that you "ramble" to cater to everyone else, versus yourself?

if you read a blog full of fancy vocabulary that's not saying a dang on thing really when all is said and done, is it safe to say the blog author is the same way? what about if a blog is relatively simple reading but it says alot? is the author like that? is it safe to say that a blogs wording is reflective of it's author? is this always the case, or just sometimes, depending on the blog/author mood? do some people make their blogs super fancily written, only to "dumb down" when they are no longer writing on their blog? do some people do the opposite? write their blogs simply enough, easy reading, but in real life are really complex people that are more complex than the most complex words and thoughts? is my blog a "baby blog" or a "big reader" blog? do i care? should i care, since this blog is my "diary" of sorts? should i want more readers, or should i just be here in my own little space, marveling that i only get about 10 hits per day, which would make my blog basically a nothing in bloggerspace?

these are just some random questions that i always think about as i read through some blogs. sometimes, i have to stay away for a few days from certain blogs (and i am not saying my blog doesn't deserve to be stayed away from--but it's MY blog so i'm here as often as i like to be) because it just seems that the message, while not always negative or positive, is always redundant, and sometimes too much of one thing isn't good. and i have to wonder about the author of those blogs. is this just an outlet to release steam built up by that particular topic, or does this topic engulf their every fiber? then in the same breath, sometimes i go to certain blogs all the time because the message IS redundant, and i feel that those blogs keep me on my toes about certain things that should be redundant in my life. they teach me alot about the same subject. i am often drawn to these blogs because i see that my real life is sorely lacking some good knowledge about the area. now the odd thing is, two blogs on the exact same topic, saying the exact same thing, can elicit totally different responses from me. one blog i can be glued to like a bee to honey, the other one, like a roach to a can of raid. and i find that odd myself, especially if the blog is talking about the same thing.

i also find it odd how some blogs emulate each other. i even asked myself, "is there some secret blogger society that i don't know about?" because some blogs seem to post about the exact same topic on the exact same days for the exact same length of time. odd. i then wonder about blogs that post daily and get no hits, and the blogs that post sometimes once every two weeks, if that, but never dissuade a pretty large reading group. i wonder about alot concerning blogs, i don't know why. should i care why? hehe. i dunno. but i do think about it. i am certain that as i become more accustomed to blogging, and am not so new to the scene, these questions will eventually dwindle.

but for now, whatever the reason (or lack of), i am always pondering blogs it seems.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

a post 4th walk down memory lane.

well, the holiday is over and i am exhausted still. and i am still at my sister's house--two full hours away from home. it's already 1, if we leave by 3, we'll be home by 5. that's good enough...because i still have to go home, clean up, get some rest for tomorrow--we are driving to see hubby tomorrow...back down this way (he's only about an hour away, depending on how you drive lol).

i enjoyed the holidays, and caught up with an old friend, that used to be the Godparent of my oldest daughter. i say "used to be" because i am not sure if she still is. how do you find out? the reason i say this, is because we were really close when she moved next to me, but when moved away, it became difficult for us to keep in touch. little money to visit, i used to call her phone but she's always been a busy bee and never around to answer...and things just sort of drifted off. but i still love her, and i do miss her. she's my sister's neighbor now, and like i said, it is 2 hours away from me. i would love to move down here when my hubby gets out of prison, but the fact that it takes money to do that, and i am struggling to get my own business down pat--*sigh*. it sounds like only wishful thinking for now. but anyway.

how do you rekindle a relationship with a friend that's "longlost", especially if this friend has a very special position in your children's lives (or at least should)? when my youngest was born, hubby was already a year into his prison sentence and had about 10 months worth of credits built up so 2 years technically almost, so i didn't have him there to help me deliver her. but i had my friend, who at that time, outside of my hubby, was my best friend. SHE saw my baby delivered, SHE caught her, and SHE helped to cut her umbilical cord. how do you top that?

just sitting here, my eyes are a bit watery thinking about it. i do miss my friend. our relationship wasn't perfect, but i do miss her. i am going to search her out for a few minutes before we leave, but for now i am wondering...exactly how do you get that back? should i write her more often (only 42 cents a letter), call her more often, even when she's busy? coming down more often is out of the question, as my van has 212,000 miles on it as is and gas is 4.00 a gallon (gotta love those honda's and hate those middle eastern oil agreements with our political powers), but there has to be a way. should i even pursue becoming her friend again? and what about the Godparent issue? is she still my children's Godparent (and i believe children can have more than one and my youngest has her aunt as her Godparent)?

i am not sure how to tackle this issue. i am going to speak to my hubby about it whenever we get talk time again (which may not be until next week thursday as it is--we are out of phone money for the week), but i would like to ponder it before then.

Friday, July 4, 2008

happy 4th of july.

happy 4th of july :) i'm off to take my girls to the 4th of july party we're having at my sister's!

ok...very bad, but i HAVE heard worse.

now, while the story is crazy and saddening, i think the worst part of the story is the last part. placed into foster care? those poor kids will never be the same...worse off than they were with their dad probably.

Father accused of caging kids in his truck
Man's explanation: He didn't have a baby sitter

POSEN, Ill. - A suburban Chicago man locked his two young daughters in a wire cage hidden in the back of his pickup truck because he didn't have a baby sitter, officials said Thursday.
Ricardo Gonzalez, 35, of Midlothian, was arrested Monday after a woman at a gas station in Posen heard a crying child and spotted him pushing small hands back into a cage, police said.

He had a wire cage behind the front seats of his truck, police said. Black-tinted windows and a large plywood board in the back window concealed it.Gonzalez told police he used the cage because he didn't have a baby sitter. He also said he wanted to control the girls, ages 2 and 5, so they wouldn't run away. Police said the girls did not live in the cage.

Gonzalez will appear in court July 31 on charges of misdemeanor child endangerment. Cook County prosecutors were exploring Thursday whether the charge could be upgraded to a felony.
A telephone listing for Gonzalez could not be found, and it was not clear whether he had an attorney.

The children were turned over to the state child welfare agency and placed in foster care Monday.

Agency spokesman Kendall Marlowe said the department was investigating abuse allegations against the father. It had previously found the mother neglectful and provided unspecified "supportive services" to the family.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

mission: complete.

well, today the kids wound up waking up before 11:30, so we went on to the science center. it was super nice and we spent 4.5 hours there, taking it all in. since our passes are free for the entire summer, we'll be going back there again next week, probably tuesdayish or so. they really enjoyed themselves, and imagine the baby's surprise when she saw a fish bigger than her staring her straight in the face! she jumped up and ran to his tank and slapped on it, so excited she could hardly contain herself! the fish, on the other hand, seemed only mildly interested in her, and lazily scooted to the other side of his tank.

off to bed now, tomorrow is the 4th and we have a pool party/crab fest to attend! yay! i'm gonna get good sleep now hehe :)

what you miss out on when you don't get good sleep.

well, the kids and i were supposed to head on out to the science center today, but uh...well...they're still sleeping! and because i wanted to catch up on my home-based business idea...i am sort of wanting them to stay sleeping. i told them that if they weren't in the bed by a certain time last night, and didn't wake up early, that i was NOT waking them up. well instead of going to bed, they wanted to play alllllllll night long until i had to MAKE them go to bed...hence it being a quarter to eleven and they are still KNOCKED out!

well i am going to dry some laundry, and if they wake up before twelve thirty, we'll slide in 4 hours of science center experience. if not...we can always go on monday, because tomorrow is one of my very favorite holidays--the fourth of july! yay!

the best thing about this trip is that it's free! we get free passes for the entire summer from the science center, so admission for up to twelve of us is free everyday except for special events. we WILL be making good use of these passes--frugal momming at her best!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

broadening my circle.

it's been two days since i've decided to "broaden my circle" of knowledge, information, social life, conversation, etc. etc. and so far, i don't like the results i'm getting.

granted, it is not safe to be so boxed in your own little world that you don't have a CLUE about the real world or other people's little worlds. but i can honestly say, that only after 48 hours, i am already remembering why i narrowed my world so much in the first place.

i am a very sensitive person, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. and honestly, this whole "circle widening" thing has me stressing already. last night i fell asleep worrying about issues that i wouldn't have ever worried about had i not read the latest headline news. questions like, "am i too hard on barack obama?" "will they ever lower inmate calls in america so we can afford to talk to our loved ones?" "will gas prices ever go lower" "God help those who lost their homes today" "is the stock market crashing lower than my momma's basement?" "will my momma's basement be ok if some weather catastrophe should befall us?" "can i get water and rice in my momma's basement anyway?" "is my husband living in at least somewhat sanitary conditions in the prisons (he'll tell me ANYTHING to keep me from stressing)?" "what good are all these coalitions and organizations and committees doing for blacks, latinos, even whites who are in need of help?" "where are all these little kids getting these damn guns from?" "when my husband is released from prison, will we be able to live without fear from police or old ways coming back to haunt him?" "is there anything i can do about all of this?" "what the hell am I going to do about all of this?!"

honestly, the news and broadening my circle causes anxiety to build deep inside the pit of my stomach. now as a Christian, i'm not supposed to be afraid. i know this. but sometimes, i have to just take a deep breath and try to calm my own nerves because if i don't, i'll lose it. i look at my children, i look at my husband, i look at myself, i even look at my pets. they all depend on me. i need to know how to be strong in the face of adversity for them. i stress about my husband coming home to this world. i stress about the police harassing him, i stress about the streets inviting him, i stress about his own weaknesses taking over. sometimes i do this even when i KNOW God is here for us. i don't know why. i don't know if it's the humanness in me taking over, i don't know what it is. but i feel the world is starting to spin wildly out of control, and sometimes i feel like we are all going in different directions with no real unity anywhere. and that--is stressful.

this is why i prefer the four walls of my home as opposed to the outside world. this is why i am content never watching tv--EVER. this is why i am so "out of the loop" politically, socially, and even mentally i suppose. because it stresses me out to take a chance and put my feet onto a different soil in an effort to explore.

it doesn't SCARE me. it STRESSES me. there's a difference. but either way, the results that i get when i broaden my circle are not good.

but then again, maybe that stress is something that i need to be able to get off my hiney and do more than just care for my family and household. maybe i need to be stressed, because a certain amount of stress is good, right? maybe i can take this stress and do something MORE for the world and not just my immediate concerns. and as long as i know God has my back, i can handle whatever comes my way.

i'm going to keep broadening my circle. even if it's just one news headline, group discussion, or google search (instead of 10) at a time.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

that daggone treadmill

i am SO wishing i would have brought that gym membership. *sigh*. i keep revisiting this topic because UGH! i want to get some exercise. hmph! and it's really on my mind. now wait until i get the card--i'm probably never gonna get on the treadmill.

"if i am not good to myself, how can i expect anyone else to be good to me?" ~maya angelou

of things related and unrelated - 7/1/08

i have a really bad cold, and now i'm getting an earache. i am going to force myself to go to the's been literally years since i've had an ear infection.

in an effort to expand my horizons/borders/mindset more, i've decided to add a google newsreel to my blog. that way, when i view it, i can also view current stories. i am doing this because i don't watch tv nor do i ever read the news. one time there was a main water break in the city and i didn't find out until a week after it happened. people went without water for five days--i had NO clue. not good.

advil pm really, REALLY works. i use my coupons of course and get a bottle worth 5.00 for about 0.80, so of COURSE it's worth it to me! but it really works...and if i say that, it's good! because i have an extremely high pain tolerance, so most regular medicines and doses don't work well for me.

adopt a soldier! i adopted one, and he hasn't written me back. it's a little wierd writing and mailing off letters when you aren't sure that they reach their destination. in my mind, i imagine them going on a journey and winding up in some far off land that i'll never get to see. a little bit wierd, but hey. the instructions say to keep writing, even if you don't recieve a respons. and they aren't coming back to they are going somewhere.

blogs on racial justice and racism and american politics really have me questioning some of my prior beliefs. i guess you can say that i grew up pretty sheltered or something because i have yet to experience racism on some of the both subtle and grand scales that i am reading about, despite being a black woman. my mom says that i probably had no clue when it was staring me in the face. at this time, i am not sure if that is a good or a bad thing.

i've decided to get a dyson, and not a kirby. i've also decided to hold off on replacing the carpet in the living room until i see how well (or not well) the dyson works for us. whatever i can do to save money, i'm all for.

lately we've been cooking, and cooking good meals at home. i might be the next emeril.

i am still feeling lil' wayne. i heard his entire CD, and i love it. of course i have no real clue about "hip hop" and what not, i am really commercial in a sense...but i still am snapping my fingers and clicking my heels to the beat (he is my guilty pleasure).

for some odd reason, our pit-bull isn't reacting as well to the ivermectin drops this time around as she usually does. i'm not sure if it's the humidity, or the being in the house so much, or what. but i expected a way better improvement than i've been getting from the medicine.

Monday, June 30, 2008

a late night laugh!

while reading the field negro's blog, i came across this picture, and honestly, it had me CRACKING up. i love it! lmao. i love reverend wright too. obama is growing on me...but he still has a ways to go. i am just so questionable about politics period that ANYONE running for president or anything else would get a bunch of scrutiny from me. but man oh man...this picture just sums up everything i'm sure obama was thinking when reverend wright was giving his speeches. i'm cracking up at that fricking tape across his mouth LOL.
i just might go out and vote after all! if i do...i'll vote for obama, and think about this picture LOL.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

buyer's remorse.

ugh...i am SO having buyer's remorse now. the itch to get on that stupid treadmill is bigger than ever...but *sigh* alas, i spent the money on those dumb pills!

grr. i shouldn't have done that.

"instead of complaining when there's so much to do, do it, so you can enjoy the times when there isn't much to do." ~me

the rain.

today i am super busy. as it happens to be, alot of the business that i have to take care of (mainly house chores), needs to be done outside of the house. so i'm in the laundromat drying clothes, and it's beautiful outside. suddenly, it starts to problem. it will pass.

well after 15 minutes, it didn't pass, and i was done with that load of clothing. running short on time for the other chores, i make a mad dash for the car (which isn't so mad with 3 loads of neatly folded clothes!)...i get help from a nice lady, but we both get semi soaked in the process (miraculously she threw her umbrella over my clothing so they were spared). i laughed it off, thanked her, and got into the van and pulled off. i turn the corner, and the rain stops. ok...

next stop is the hair store so i can pick up some bows and barettes for the kids. i get out the car, it's starting to rain again, i get sploshed with a few drops, not an issue...i make it in, and as i am looking through the bows to pick pretty ones, the rain comes down again...storming! fine...i just got wet, a little more water won't hurt me. so i pay for my purchase, and the cashier tells me in her heavily accented asian voice, "no get wet out! no get wet!" i laugh, tell her i won't, and make another mad dash for the car (this time it was mad). i get in, even more wet, but smiling at my mad dash. as i pull out of the lot...lo and behold...the rain stops. ok...

next stop is back home to pick up diapers for the baby. it's storming as i pull in front of the door. ok. do i want to get out, make a mad dash? or do i want to wait for it to stop? it's pouring down so hard i can't see outside of the car windows. and i have a sore throat. ok fine. i'll wait three minutes, it should stop, since it's been stopping and starting all day...and when it lightens, another mad dash to the house!

my plans were foiled as three minutes ticked by and the rain got WORSE, not better. "fine" i sighed...that mad dash will have to be a super mad dash because it is REALLY wet! fineeeeee. i jump out, keys in hand, house key ready to attack the door...and....MAD DASH! i almost trip, i can barely see, and the rain is POUNDING on my head! i make it to the door, slam the key into the lock, twist hard, and twist, drip, and pant my way over the threshold. i'm soaked!

not an issue, it's just water. my mood is surprisingly light over all of this. as i wipe off my feet to walk over the carpet, i hear the rain lighten up suddenly. i go over to the window and peek through the blind. the rain suddenly stops, and the sun blares through the clouds, a ray coming to a halt right at my chest. not even 30 seconds after that last dash, the rain stops, the sun is out.

i smile and thank God for the day, and the joke. the game the rain played with me helped me to realize...i sometimes take life WAY too seriously.

Friday, June 27, 2008

"imagination is more important than knowledge." ~albert einstein

this is one reason why i love kanye west.

Man I promise, I'm so self conscious
That's why you always see me with at least one of my watches
Rollies and Pasha's done drove me crazy
I can't even pronounce nothing, pass that versaysee!
Then I spent 400 bucks on this
Just to be like nigga you ain't up on this!
And I can't even go to the grocery store
Without some ones thats clean and a shirt with a team
It seems we living 'the american dream'
But the people highest up got the lowest self esteem
The prettiest people do the ugliest things
For the road to riches and diamond rings
We shine because they hate us, floss cause they degrade us
We trying to buy back our 40 acres
And for that paper look how low we'll stoop
Even if you in a benz, you still a nigga in a coupe

I say fuck the police, thats how I treat em
We buy our way out of jail, but we can't buy freedom
We'll buy a lot of clothes when we don't really need em
Things we buy to cover up what's inside
Cause they make us hate ourself and love they wealth
That's why shortys hollering "where the ballas' at?"
Drug dealer buy Jordans, crackhead buy crack
And a white man get paid off of all of that

But I ain't even gon act holier than thou
Cause fuck it, I went to Jacob with 25 thou
Before I had a house and I'd do it again
Cause I wanna be on 106 and Park pushing a Benz
I wanna act ballerific like it's all terrific
I got a couple past due bills, I won't get specific
I got a problem with spending before I get it
We all self conscious, I'm just the first to admit it

~kanye west

Thursday, June 26, 2008

well. i should have listened.

i was debating two weeks ago whether or not i wanted to take my last 100.00 and purchase a new gym card OR go to a weight loss specialist, who would prescribe me medication to lose weight.

as most people who know me know, i am, and have been, struggling to lose 30-40 pounds for a LONG time. whenever i do lose it, some life change happens (usually i get pregnant!) and i gain it back after the baby. well now, i've decided that i want to get rid of it ONCE and for ALL...which brought me to the major decision--gym membership or doctor?

i prayed on it, and asked God to lead me in the right direction. then i fell asleep. when i woke up the next day, i was having a feeling (no doubt an answer from God), that i should purchase the gym membership, and lose weight the "right" way. considering that i am clinically "obese", but it does not cause me any health problems, and with MORE determination 30 lbs is NOT alot to lose, i had been having the feeling that drugs weren't neccessary.

so i had my "answer", but me being human and deciding that i didn't want to listen to my heart, my mind, and most of all, God, but instead be human...decided to ignore all of my good judgement and prayer requests and go to the doctor.

so i took my last bit of money, and off i went to the doctor. everything went well...he gave me the prescription, a diet plan, a colon cleanser, and an appointment for next month. fine, right?

well, not quite.

the next day while going to pick up my meds, to my (not really) surprise, i found out that my insurance didn't cover one of the medications he prescribed me. that wasn't a surprise because i know my insurance HMO, have been with them for years, and i knew that they probably *weren't* going to cover any medications for weight loss *unless* the doctor confirmed with the company that the medications were a *major* neccessity to my health. well i knew this doctor probably was not going to do that for two reasons: 1. i am a brand new patient there and 2. i paid out of pocket for him, he is not even in my HMO doctor coverage area! so i'm screwed in that sense--one of the meds--phentermine--i had to purchase out of pocket.

not so bad, right? right. i've purchased meds out of pocket before.

so...i tell the pharmacist that i want to purchase the medication that wasn't covered by insurance. fine. she tells me that it would be 75.00*gawk*!! now i was NOT expecting it to be so much. already i spent 80.00 on the doctor, 15.00 getting to him, and now 75.00 on the medication that insurance didn't cover? that was a *lot* for 30 measly pounds! but...this would make my life easier, right? right.

hesitantly i tell her that i wasn't so sure if i was going to be able to continue to refill at such a high price. "well we offer a generic for adipex!" she quips. GREAT! she SO solved an issue for me. i know generics are usually up to 50% cheaper than brand names, and they work just as well! so i ask her how much it is for the generic. "34.99!" she pipes.

i LOVE it. i can afford 35.00 a month for this stuff, and from what i will only take me about 3 months to lose the weight! i might be my goal weight by the end of the summer...woohoo! i SO did the right thing by following my secular side on this one *teehee*.

fine. so i tell her i'll take that one instead. one more hour wait while they redo my prescription (lucky my doctor didn't check "no substitutions allowed" eh?? *wink*). i get my last! the fun begins!

or so i think.

i take the pill when i get home, as i am supposed to. i follow it up with the other pill, bumex...a diuretic, as i am supposed to. within 15 minutes, i'm using the bathroom and i feel like i've released a bucket of sea water into a huge ocean.'s working already! another 15 minutes, i go again...another...i go again! by that afternoon, i KNOW i've lost 4 pounds in water weight alone! i don't feel any negative side effects, i'm good, i'm gonna lose weight, life is grand...

the next day, i wake up and do my little routine...two pills and lots of water...then a bit of breakfast. i notice that i am not very hungry...blah! so i nibble here and there. even better. the meds are working.

by that afternoon, i'm peeing and not hungry at all...gooooood. but i notice when i run up the stairs...i'm tired. i mean. TIRED. and shaky. ugh. and out of i really did something. so i go on with my day. i reach up to get some tuna for the kids from the cabinet...i'm out of breath. i bend over to pick up a toy...i'm out of breath. *sigh* ok. this stuff...maybe it's a first few days use side effect?

the next day, i take my pills as usual, and drink the colon cleanser. i'm not too hungry, but i could eat. i noticed that although the meds don't get rid of my apetite completely because i am hungry normally, i am not AS hungry and i get full quickly. that's great. i go outside. it's especially hot. after a few minutes in the heat, i notice my heart is POUNDING against my rib cage like it wants to run away from me! i go back in and sit in the cool air. my heart calms down. i go back out into the heat...a few minutes later, sure heart is marathon running, i can feel my ribs moving out of the way! ok...not cool. i go back in, sit down, my heart beat returns to normal. i go upstairs...out of breath. go take a shower...out of breath while i'm washing up! this isn't cool. not only that...but i notice now a LUMP in my throat. that dang colon stuff. ugh. fine...tomorrow i won't take it, i decide. that night...the lump in my throat dissipates, and my sleep is good.

so the next day...NO colon cleanser, but i have a good poo! that's great because i haven't gone since taking that phentermine pills i noticed. i take my pills, and say i'll give it one more chance. maybe i was just having some flukie side effects. after a few minutes, i realize i don't have to peepee like the last few days. maybe my body is getting to it's excess water limit? who knows. but i notice that my throat lump is back after about an hour. and it's bigger than it was yesterday. ugh. now i'm getting agitated. i look at the side effects on my pill information phamplets. nowhere does it say, "lumpy throat" or "rapid heart beat". so...what gives? i look online...nowhere can i find any of those side effects either for the medicines!

this is gonna take some sleuthing! i go to my sleuth partner in crime, and together we decide to get to the bottom of this. by now, the lump in my throat is so large i can barely swallow. i can breathe, but i can't swallow. and it's starting to ache.

i come to a site called, and i flip vigorously throught the forums until i come across another woman who is having the same issues as me. come to find's an allergic reaction. my throat is swelling shut because i am allergic to phentermine, or a compound IN it. *sigh* great, just fricking great. not only that, but my heart beat is racing because of it. ugh.

now i am looking at these pills...all of that money and work, BLOWN. *sigh*...almost 150.00 for nothing. i could have spent half of that and gotten my new gym card, and lost the same amount of weight in a week...2 lbs (what i lost on the phentermine) exercising. so my money, time, energy, hopes...wasted. i can't take the medicines because i am allergic to them. i have to pay out of pocket for some of them, and that specialist isn't covered under my insurance. i still have the lump in my throat. it's considerably smaller, but it's there still. i also haven't had a decent poo in days.

my hubby says it's ok...we all learn what we should know SOME way or another. he also tells me that i better not swallow another pill until i get to a doctor...which i had better be getting to in the morning.

i guess He let me learn my lesson the hard way.

i SO should have listened the first time around. next time i will.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

a new take on circumcision (pt. 2).

after reading a comment posted in my blog from a man who is against circumcision, i decided to do some research (as always)...and this is what i have found to be the most ACCURATE, UNBIASED research from the federal government, not from yay or naysayers either way...and i am going to follow this. it was stated in the comment that 97% of Christians are not circumcised...i have not found proof for or against that data, but it doesn't sound accurate to me. in another blog i also read that only 15% of men in the world are now circumcised. i also find that hard to believe. so...this is what the federal government has to say about it:

"Circumcision is the surgical removal of foreskin from the penis of an infant boy. The operation is usually performed for cultural, religious, or cosmetic reasons rather than for medical reasons. Some organizations, including the American Academy of Pediatrics, maintain there is insufficient evidence that routine circumcision is medically necessary. However, there is research suggesting that some health benefits may be gained, including a slightly decreased risk of developing penile cancer, a lower chance of urinary tract infections in newborns, and a potentially lessened risk of HIV transmission.
AHRQ's new report is an analysis of hospital-based circumcisions in 2005. Among its findings:

-- In the West, only 31 percent of newborn boys were circumcised in hospitals in 2005. That compares with 75 percent in the Midwest, 65 percent in the Northeast, and 56 percent in the South. Factors influencing circumcision rates may include insurance coverage and immigration from Latin America and other areas where circumcision is less common.

-- Nationwide, about 56 percent of newborn boys—1.2 million infants—were circumcised. The national rate has remained relatively stable for a decade. It peaked at 65 percent in 1980.

--About 60 percent of circumcisions were billed to private insurance, 31 percent were billed to Medicaid, nearly 3 percent were charged to other public programs, and about 4 percent were uninsured. " ~ Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality (a division of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)

now, i am all for every parent making their own decision about the matter. just thought that i would clear up a few questions for myself. i have read repeatedly that circumcision results in more protection from HIV. it undoubtedly looks better according to many, i read that about 65% of women prefer uncircumcised penises (i know i about women and sexual preference concerning circumcision here), and there is the penile cancer issue. i know that my father had to be circumcised in his mid 60's for medical neccessity. we had to take turns going to his house to make sure that he had help completing certain tasks. this is also a pretty cool article, which gives reasons why circumcision may be a favorable choice in males.

my decision still remains the same for my unborn child, and the reasons for it are still the same. just thought that i would note what i found while looking for ACCURATE information on the subject.

Monday, June 23, 2008

a new take on circumcision.

today i was on one of my favorite sites,, and i was randomly reading questions and answers, and i came across this:

"Question: "What does the Bible say about circumcision? What is the Christian view of circumcision?"

Answer: There are different issues that are wrapped up in the question of whether males should be circumcised or not. One issue is that of religious teaching: what does the Bible, God’s Word, say? Another issue is: as a matter of health, should males be circumcised?Concerning the first issue, since we are no longer under the Old Testament Law as Christians, circumcision is no longer required. This is brought out in a number of New Testament passages, among which are the following: Acts 15; Galatians 2:1-3; 5:1-11; 6:11-16; 1 Corinthians 7:17-20; Colossians 2:8-12; Philippians 3:1-3. As these passages bring out, being saved from our sins is received through trusting in Christ to save us from our sins, and it is this act of turning from our sin and self-righteousness and turning instead to reliance upon Christ’s finished work on the cross that makes us “circumcised of heart” and that the works of the flesh accomplish nothing.In Acts 16:3, Paul had a missionary helper, Timothy, circumcised so that his being uncircumcised would not be a hindrance to them as they sought to reach out to the unsaved Jews on their missionary journeys. Thus, although the Bible gives Gentile (non-Jewish) believers the liberty of not being circumcised, it was a liberty that Timothy was willing to give up for the sake of reaching out to unsaved Jews. However, as the passages in Galatians bring out, Paul refused to compromise the issue with those who said that one must be circumcised in order to be either saved or sanctified in Christ.There are practical issues involved with circumcision as well. Some parents have their sons circumcised so that they will look like all the other males in their culture. Some parents are concerned that their son would someday be in a locker room and find themselves different from everyone else. In some cultures, though, males are not commonly circumcised. There is also the issue of health. Doctors debate back and forth in regard to whether there are any health benefits to circumcision. Any couple with such concerns should definitely speak with a doctor in regards to this issue."

now, with the circumcision issue, i am all for whatever parents want to do, but i have to admit, i get irked by the "anti circumcising parents" that try to force their beliefs of how cruel and unusual circumcision is to a child down the throat anyone willing to listen (it reminds me of those picketers that line the front of abortion clinics with building size images of mutilated fetuses). in my opinion, it is no more cruel or unusual to circumcise a child than it is to get immunizations, or put an infant to sleep in a room across the house in a cold crib and then paddle back to a warm bed with the comfort and closeness of another, or allow a toddler to scream herself to sleep for days, sometimes weeks straight in an attempt to get her to sleep alone. and at the end of the day, the decision of whether or not to circumcise is as unique as the decision of naming the baby.

with that being said, my husband and i have always decided that if we were to have a son, we would have him circumcised. for me, once again, it was a religious belief that i had never updated myself on, for him, it was a health issue. he decided that he did not want our son to go through the issues with hygeine that he saw the youngsters in his family go through with being uncircumcised, and he also wants our son to "look" like him, and i decided that it would be symbolic of our religion to circumcise our son. when we thought that our youngest was a boy, i thought about us performing a ceremony much like a brit, but more in tune with our religious beliefs (we wouldn't have used a Rabbi or Jewish doctor neccessarily--but would have picked another Christian doctor to perform the circumcision). since we had a daughter, that was unneccessary (but i am still hanging onto that idea as we have decided that we would like to try for a son before our youngest one's fifth birthday). we have still maintained that if we have a son, he will be circumcised, even though i have learned (and will share with him) that it is no longer "neccessary" to circumcise him as a symbol of keeping our covenant with God.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Congratulations, mama's baby!

today my middle baby graduated from kindergarten! i am so proud of her...she graduated with the highest honors in her class. yes, yes, yes...i am the gloating mommy!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


well, i did it. i finally redid my resume for posting up for small part time jobs. i am going to continue on with my body care business, but i am running out of money pretty quickly and will need to supplement my income soon, because i can't continue to support the entire household, including the animals and hubby AND do a business of this small income, which is actually nearing it's end within the next 90 days.

so here i am. looking for a small part time job. the minimum i can afford to take is 12.00 an hour, my last job paid almost 20.00 an for me to go down to like 10.00 an hour for the same work won't happen. i am just looking for a part time gig that is paying me at least 15.00 an hour if it is a degree required job. because of the way my lifestyle and household is set up, making over 25k but under 45k per year will be disasterous for me. i need to make either under 25k or over 45k to really be alright. wierd i know, but true.

i will continue to tweak my resume for potential job offers as neccessary. i am also forwarding my resume to an old coworker as she is the director of a daycare center in town that may seek to hire soon. either way, she's a great person and contact to have on my side.

we'll see how this works out. i am soooooooooo not wanting to go back to work. but 4 hours out of my day, i can do. i don't mind that at all.