"rich people arent getting into heaven!"

so. lately ive been having an interesting debate (one that i will admit had me in tears at one point) over Christianity and money. namely, prosperity preachers, money and the "justtrynnamakeittoheaven" Christian.

the debate started over a question about prosperity preachers, namely what's so bad about them. well most people who know me also know that i will defend those pp's that i feel really are just trying to spread the Good News of Jesus to the world (and yes, i believe some of them--who i call televised evangelicals lol--really are simply trying to get to tell the world about the love of Christ for every person). so, as usual, there was the usual brigade of Christians that hate them, their message and what they preach, and then there was lil ole me...who still hasnt yet heard an argument from a single Christian to make me ban ALL televised evangelicals from my home. the best argument i got from a Christian was "prosperity preachers advocate that if you arent a billionaire, then it's because you dont have enough faith in Jesus Christ." now i loved that argument, and i agreed, that if someone teaches that, they are indeed wrong. but i have to be honest and say...i have never one time heard any of the te's i like say this. never a single time. and i am still waiting for someone to show me proof of them saying, and insinuating this or anything like this. there are many things i HAVE heard them say, but never that. but i digress.

either way, the debate wound up going into another arena...wealth and Christianity. i did a little research and continued to debate, and was amazed with some of the mindsets Christians today have. i heard everything from, "Jesus was poor, destitute and dirty" to "we should be poor, destitute and dirty as Jesus was" to "we should just be poor people" to "all rich people serve money so can't love God" to the famous "rich people arent getting into heaven!" gotta admit, i was shocked.

seems to me, that for whatever reason, Christians seem to think many things about Christianity and money, none of them good: Jesus wants us poor, destitute and physically suffering, that money is not, and cannot, be a blessing, that anyone who is rich and says they are Christian is a liar, that having financial security equates to being a "billionaire", that being a billionaire is an automatic pass to hell, that we should NOT pray for financial security, and that not worrying about tomorrow somehow translates into not planning for tomorrow.

and ill be the one Christian to stand up and say: i do not believe that Jesus wants us to be poor, that suffering financially is not His will for us, and that money IS a blessing, and that you do not have to be a billionaire to be rich.

and after a week of debating, i still feel this way (although i will admit, i was shell shocked for a while to even see so many Christians praising being poor).

i really think the entire "it's good to be poor" argument from many Christians is just an excuse for their current financial situations. many of us (yes im including myself here--no holier than thou's from this woman) seem to think that it's ok to be in debt, not able to pay our bills or enjoy ANYTHING money can bring us, and to not have a plan for the future (because Jesus will provide). now dont get me wrong, yes Jesus will provide and as Christians, we are NOT to depend on money to meet our needs, put it above our love for God, or allow it to rule us in ANY way. but this does NOT mean having money is a sin, or a bad thing, and nowhere does the Bible say it's ok to be in debt, to owe, that continuing debt is good. as a matter of fact, the Bible teaches that we should NOT be in debt to any person:

Ecclesiastes 5:5
It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay.

Romans 13:8
Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law

Psalm 37:21
The wicked borrows and does not pay back, but the righteous is gracious and gives.

Proverbs 22:7
The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower becomes the lender’s slave.


we as Christians, should plan for the future, as well as budget our money wisely:

Proverbs 13:16
A wise man thinks ahead; a fool doesn’t, and even brags about it!

Ecclesiastes 11:2
Divide your portion to seven, or even to eight, for you do not know what misfortune may occur on the earth.

Proverbs 24:3-4
Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms shall be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

money is a blessing. it was with money that jacob was able to care for his family during the famine. it was with money that paul was able to travel the world spreading the Good News. the people of God were abundantly blessed (and financially blessed) throughout the Bible. all of their needs were met continually. moses, david, abraham, solomon, ruth, boaz, the israelites, esther...the list goes on. these people were hugely blessed by God because of their love and committment towards Him. and only when did they allow their love for their lifestyles and money to overrule their love for God, did they run into trouble.

but this is not saying that money is a bad thing, and the only good Christian is a broke Christian. the Bible tells us that it's better to give than to receive. well, that's where money comes in! how are we, as Christians, going to give when we have nothing to give? my mother used to spend her money on helping her students purchase coats, clothes, shoes and food when they didnt have (and she taught 1st grade so can you imagine)? she didn't tell the children, "i'm going to pray that you get shoes"...she BROUGHT them shoes. now how in the world was she going to get them shoes without money? beg the mall stores for free shoes? Christians can do more good with money than without. i'm not saying Christians can't do good without money. just that we can do more good with it than without. i had a friend recently tell me she had no food to feed her family. did i say, "oh child, i hope you get food to feed those children?" while i fed my family like fat rats? no. i offered her money for her family. she told me i blessed her. i told her i blessed her because Jesus blessed me...with the money to give to her.

dont get me wrong. i am not advocating that with money we dont need Jesus. just the opposite. im advocating that money is because of Jesus, and as we get that blessing called money, it's our jobs to bless others (especially Christians in need) with that money. that's the purpose of money. it's not for us to selfishly hoard, but it's for us to bless our communities and churches with. it's for us to purchase good things to help us enjoy this life while giving God the glory.

someone told me, "wanting a new car or home is idolizing!" so, me wanting a new van to safely transport my family around, have a warranty and the newest safety features, and have transportation that accomodates ALL of my family members (we have a large family and need 7 seats and seat belts) is idolizing? what should i want...to walk around in 4 feet of snow and in 98 degrees of heat with 5 children instead of driving? or, take a lemon with problems and possibly not as safe as a new van over the van just to say i denied myself? should i not ever have a new home because i'm saved? have 5 children sleeping uncomfortably in 1 bedroom with no privacy or room to grow "in Jesus' name"? someone said it perfectly, "you dont get any points for suffering needlessly". will i make it to heaven any more quickly for turning down a new car or home and instead continuing to walk or live in cramped quarters? does Jesus want us to suffer needlessly? when He tells us we will suffer in His name...i think He means we will be persecuted for following and loving Him, not for being poor and broke as all get out.

God tells us the more we give, the more we will receive (i have heard televised evangelicals preach THIS). the more we bless others, the more we will be blessed. this is truth, i am a living testament to this. for 2 years (and counting) we have not had a stable income in our home. so we do not have money. my husband was laid off, as was i, and neither of have been able to find work for a few reasons. but we have NOT lost out on ANYTHING but cable tv. in a time where people are losing everything they've ever had, my family has been well kept. we havent lost anything! to God be the glory...an unemployed family of 7 with NO income at all and we have been saved through the storm! i truly believe it's because we are a giving family. we are not hoarders, we are not selfish. we give freely what we have, time, attention, food, clothes, gifts. we bless others, and in these hard times, we have been blessed. why can't this same rule apply to the money we are given?

i read a book where the author claims that the more money she gives, the more money she gets! she said she can never seem to get rid of her money, and continues to amass more and more. she not only tithes and offers to her church, but she gives offerings to anyone that blesses her with Jesus' love. she said she gives one amount, gets double that back. that she just cannot outgive God...that He's blessing her so much it's borderline ridiculous. she said she keeps her tithing rules faithfully...and God is faithful in His promise to always meet her needs.

the key to her story is...she keeps money in it's appropriate position. and she doesnt let her become her master her or cause her to forget who comes first in her life, Christ Jesus. she gives freely, because she knows God will always keep her needs met. she has no need for money because she has Jesus' protection and Promise in every area of her life, but she also doesnt find anything wrong with living nicely because of the money she has been given, since she has it. she just knows it's only a means to an end while she's on this earth, not the end itself.

now this is what i'm talking about. money should be a blessing, and the more you get, the more you should give...especially to other believers! Jesus blesses us with money, and we should use that money to help meet the needs of others.

Proverbs 3:9-10
Honor the Lord from your wealth and from the first of all your produce; So your barns will be filled with plenty and your vats will overflow with new wine.

to have the narrow minded view that people who have money aren't saved, or that Christ said rich people won't go to heaven (He didnt say this. He said that it will be difficult for them to make it into heaven, NOT because they had money, but because they tend to serve money and not God) is so old an antiquated i can't even believe people are still teaching it. to paint a picture of Jesus wanting us destitute, hungry, sitting up at night worrying how our needs will be met--is such a blatant misrepresentation of Jesus it's blaspehmous! but when we teach ourselves and others that Jesus wants us "poor", we are saying just this, that the God we serve doesn't want us to enjoy life (who can enjoy life having their most basic needs NOT met??) i couldnt believe it when a well known website i frequent said "we should strive to be [financially] poor like Jesus was". wow. why should we strive to be poor? what are we hoping to accomplish as Christians by being poor, that we absolutely cannot accomplish being financially stable? Jesus was poor for a reason-- to show us that money is not what gets us to heaven, but leaning wholly on Him is. He wasn't poor just for poorness' sake, being poor just to suffer and set example that poor is where it's at. and there are disagreements in the Christian community over how poor Jesus really was. at any rate, ALL of His needs were met, whether or not He had an excess of money He didn't have a place to lay his head, but He slept soundly every night. He didnt have a bank account, but when it was time to pay taxes, Jesus had His coinage! Jesus didnt say "dont have money, it's a sin to have money!" if it was a sin, no one in the Bible wouldve been blessed with it. He just commanded that we use it wisely and remember it's purpose in the grand scheme of things. one of my family members made an excellent observation, "have you ever seen anyone destitute gather souls for Jesus?" and my honest to goodness answer is "no". when i see the poor downtrodden in the streets, people around them tend to be trying to get as far away from them as possible, not squating around listening to them while they preach about Jesus (and many of them do). i am even sure that there have been the occasional nonbeliever walking around thinking, "well if that's what believing in Jesus will get me...i'm better off without Him!" as they either drop a nickel in a cup, or run the other way.

as far as the televised evangelicals go...while many of them do improperly use money, i think it's silly to say they all do. i sense a tinge of jealousy in those Christians who are damning other wealthy Christians. ive heard people say some wealthy Christians dress too nicely to be true Christians, and live lifestyles that are too lavish. it's beyond crazy to think that anyone bringing in a decent amount of money will look like a pauper all the time. even bill gates, who shops at walmart, wears nice clothes to work! lil ole justin beiber has his own tour bus. i suppose he should sell it and walk to his tours, all around the world! if i were to attain a certain level of wealth, i would spend money on nice clothing as well, because there is nothing sinful about dressing in quality garments.

Jesus made the world and everything in it, including money. so it cant be a bad thing. satan didnt make anything but sin, and that includes the sinful use of money. God uses money to elevate some for His purposes, and He keeps money from some for His purposes. not having money has been one of the most difficult, yet one of the most spiritually rewarding times of my life! i am with Jesus all the way and i am growing an understanding and appreciation for money that i've never had before. when it's time for me to reap my harvest and sew seeds so others may reap, i pray i will always let Jesus lead the way, and keep me financially conditioned.

i believe as long as our mindsets for money are right--we will have enough to meet our needs. why? because i dont think we are supposed to live with lack, but we must have a healthy mindset for money. if we obtain more money than for just our needs, there is nothing wrong with that, so long as we share the wealth.

something's gotta give.

my brain is 100% fried. i mean...totally.

ive been experiencing a series of spiritual attacks lately, stemming from i believe a debate with a few atheists i had about a month ago on a website that, ironically, has nothing to do with religion (or lack thereof).

for me, having an attack is a mixture of events. sometimes i get bad migraines, misplace things, find myself easily agitated at everything the children do, have bad dreams, forget important events or details...

this time around, its all of that and then some. today i forgot the passwords to EVERY website i visit on the internet. its taken me more than a few hours to either remember them or reset the passwords because i just forgot totally. i also have a huge migraine and my brain is just on overload. ive been having these odd dreams and im having trouble remembering names, ideas, and even words i want to use when conveying ideas. at random times ive experienced utter and complete sadness at certain events or happenings in society. i will also admit, ive been struck with bouts of what i call faith doubt. wondering if what i believe is accurate, true, or sensible.

for me, this is nothing unexperienced before. as a naturally emotional, intuitive person, i rarely allow myself to "experience" society because i tend to internalize everything. because i dont like to bring attacks of the spirit on myself, i try to limit my interactions with certain personalities as well as social media outlets.

these attacks when i engage heavily in theological debate, as i said before. and it's what i've been doing alot lately.

but something new is happening this time. out of every spiritual attack, i have a huge amount of spiritual growth it seems. ideas and thoughts just come bursting forth, and i obtain more courage to speak exactly whats on my mind. ive never experienced this before.

im also "feeling something in the air". i cant put it any other way, but around the internet and in my personal life, im hearing other Christians speaking of the same thing--so it cant just be me going through this. i feel like something is going on, and honestly, in a way ive never experienced before, i am looking forward to the return of Christ. it is almost shocking to even myself because i never thought id be excited for the events of the world to unfold as they are. i used to laugh at those in Christ who expressed excitement at the future, thinking they were a little less than sane. now i find myself in the boat with them!

add to this all that my mind is overrun with the desire to learn new things and start ideas ive been harboring for a long time, and i honestly feel a bit like im going crazy. ive been reading books like a mad person, trying to soak up all of the earthly knowledge that i can. im thinking of new ideas and its really like a part of my brain has been opened up, and im really out of sorts with the whole thing.

something's gotta give.

my senses are on overload.

am i the only one??? or are there other people going through the same thing i am going through???

"but you don't believe in God!"

today i was perusing my facebook friend's status messages, and came across someone who is on my list that was lamenting that someone "supposedly close" to her remarked that she "didn't believe in God" during a conversation, and how that really made her feel worse than she's already feeling.



well, my first thought was, "well you don't believe in God as far as i know." but because the topic was sensitive and people were swarming around her post like bees, bobbing their heads in agreement with her lamentations and telling her that "God loves us all and you too, and you'll be fine" and the usual hodgepodge of politically correct garbage, i simply didn't say anything...but moved on to another status update.



now, i may be a bitch here because i've been just mean these past few days, but for the life of me, i can't see why she was so hurt over someone telling her that truth when in fact, as i said before...she indeed does not believe in God.



a little background to make this story clearer. the woman in question lost her mom about a month ago pretty unexpectedly, and she's been struggling with her mother's death. so now, i suppose to help her sort out her feelings, she suddenly believes in God wholeheartedly, or is needing God to believe in because she feels like she has lost a good portion of her life with the death of her mother, or something along those lines.



but i still can't understand why she was so upset at the comment that she received. i mean, especially since this is the same woman who has mocked the worship of Christians, the philosophy of true Christians, and our goals in this life. i distinctly remember 2 discussions i had with her in which she used secular logic to compare worshipping God and believing in Jesus to "worshipping an apple or whatever your heart desires" and another where she mocked those who forgave others for trangressions, and the words of Jesus on forgiveness concerning forgiveness, saying it's basically a copout from facing our weaknesses, and that any person who truly forgave is a weak minded being.



now that her mother is passed and moved on, she is suddenly trying to read the Bible and "get clarity and peace" concerning her loss. typically human, and typically secular. mean? i'm not so sure. true? definitely.



this reminds me of the addage, "no one needs God until He's all that they have left."



for some odd reason, i cannot wrap my head around her anguish at that comment the friend told her, that she doesn't believe in God. i must be missing a point here? why was it such a low blow to say that? sounds like the truth to me. i mean, should Christians not speak the truth in every situation? she didn't say that the other woman was rude or condenscending when she said it, so i can't assume that she was. i don't know what her tone/intent was with the words, or even the whole situation surrounding and leading up to and beyond those words that were spoken. but given what i do know, i am absolutely stumped.



now this is the daughter of my mother's best friend who died. she and i are the same age and as far as i know, played in the same playpen as little girls...but because we are so fundamentally different as adults, i don't converse with her much. she is no stranger to me however, my older sisters and mom consider her and her family to be our family. granted, i am not that close to them as a family unit, but i do have a knowledge there that goes a bit beyond facebook statuses. and usually her words would just roll off my back, but this is something that for some reason has stuck itself into my brain and i can't shake it loose, as i just can't understand it.



i am going through the responses she's given and received since that inital comment, looking for a straw to grasp to understand this situation better, but so far i am honestly confused. this woman is really emitting a believable pained response to what she was told it seems. and the more i read, the more i am prompted to break up the pity party by asking, "well DO you believe in God?" but then that would seem to cause a bigger problem.



now i am in no way, shape or form downplaying the pain she must be going through because of her mother's death...i can't fathom it and i cannot relate to it as i have not lost my own mother. so i don't want to give that impression. but i just don't understand that how a basically self proclaimed atheist can feel pain at being reminded that they don't believe in God when they are in a painful/helpless situation? i would think they wouldn't even turn to God, since to them, He doesn't exist? it makes me wonder, were they discussing how God can help her get through the pain, and the convo went wrong?



this also makes me wonder, in however long from now, when her healing over her mother's death has begun, will she once again mock those of us who truly do believe in God?

what does a baby need?

when i found out i was expecting my fourth daughter, i was excited and humbled, thankful and hopeful, but i also was a tad bit anxious. the economy is rough and my husband lost his steady work for unsteady work as he was laid off. being frugal, it was a no brainer that i would take that route with the baby...i mean we have a small home anyway so going overboard would only add to the stress of our situation, not make me feel like i've amassed a bunch of great baby items.

so frugal i decided that i would be, and frugal i was.

into about my 3rd week of making up my mind how i would supply the baby with what she needs, i came across a woman in my freecycle group who shared with me the story of how her daughter was going to give her own baby up for adoption because "she didnt have what a baby needs". now it was no coincidence that i ran into this woman on my list, who's daughter i also knew. the year before the daughter had given me 2 huge trashbags full of baby boy clothes that she had collected from her local church for my nephews pending birth...and also shared with me that she was pregnant but had decided to adopt her baby out to a family (sans any explination and i didn't ask). now the story was complete, and as i went back into my home, happy that the mom convinced her daughter to keep her baby and that God would supply the baby's needs (and that He did), i was also distraught that a mother would give her baby up for adoption SIMPLY because she didn't have "what a baby needs", whatever that is. it prompted me to ask myself...what does a baby need anyway?

i even googled the question. and the most basic answer i got went something like, "most infants need a safe place to sleep, adequate clothing, diapers, and food upon coming home from the hospital as well as a carseat for the ride home in a car." it didn't mention anything about swings, diaper genies, baby walkers, high chairs...those glossy extras that most of us seem to equate with being effective, "good" parents deserving of keeping our own blessings from God. after thinking about it some more, i decided to be the first parent i know of to get everything my baby needs (or as much as possible) without purchasing a single item. i mean, not even purchasing through a consignment shop, thrift store, or my all favorite place to purchase items, ebay. i said to myself, "i am going to see just how hard it is to get what a baby needs on a tiny, basically non-existent income, which means spending as little as possible, and nothing if possible at all."

so started my 5 month long project. using freecycle, craigslist, word of mouth, the people i knew and facebook, i went on my quest to find everything my baby needs without spending money.

i'll admit, sometimes i was tempted to go out and purchase items because i felt that i wouldn't get them before the baby was born, but each time, right before i could actually gather up my pennies to purchase the item, someone was put in my path who gave me the item for free. i wound up with ALOT of free baby items, each one in EXCELLENT/GENTLY USED or NEW condition. not a single thing was given to me looking like it had been regularly used or even used at all:

this bassinet is #1 of 1 and was a piece that i absolutely abhorred, but it was listed on craigslist, and i figured i'd need SOMETHING safe and clean for baby to sleep in, so i took it. it's made of real cherry wood and the mattress is a great quality. it came with rockers (pictured), but one broke and i decided to junk them both because they weren't sturdy or safe, thus effectively turning this into a very large, very roomy moses basket of sorts, without all the wicker lol. it's propped up on a large, sturdy coffee table that we don't use, and our bed is right next to it so i can reach over and pick her up easily. i must admit, it has since grown on me. i don't have a retail value, but i am sure it was over 150.00, as the wood is real cherry and i was told it's a designer piece (something was imprinted on the rockers but they're gone--i didn't pay much attention).

this is a gap pocketbook, which i have turned into a gap baby bag. it's perfect for putting baby things in, is stylish and sturdy, and has pockets that will fit bottles perfectly! it was given to me brand new and unused by a freecycler, the price tag said 40.00.

this is the exact same safety 1st tub i wanted to get for the baby, given to me by a great freecycler (the one who gave me bassinet #2 of 2). i had one long ago with my oldest daughter and it really is a neat, comfortable and safe baby tub. i recommend it. retail value is 20.00 new.

this mobile was given to me from a freecyler (the pillow too)...it hangs from the ceiling! how adorable. i believe the retail value was 30.00, there was a pricetag on the box that was hard to read...and it's an item that was sold in a different country, everything on the box was written in what looked to be chinese.

these bottles were purchased with a free gift card from target for creating a baby registry with them. retail value is 20.00 for everything you see here. i am breastfeeding and these bottles are great transitions from breast to bottle and back again. and since breastmilk is free, that's one less thing i'll have to purchase for baby (formula). all i do not have to date is a breastpump, but i bet i come across one...right now a pump is not mandatory, as it's not advised to use one until 4-6 weeks after milk has regulated and baby has latched on and is feeding well.

this stroller actually came to me in two parts that "just happened" to match perfectly! a freecycler gave me the frame part, retail 69.00 new. the carseat itself was being washed so that's why the whole thing isn't assembled. it's a safe seat too, retail value between 84.00 and 130.00 new, given to me by my sister-in law.

this carseat was a gift to me, brand new. i only included it because it also fits the stroller frame pictured above! so i got 2 carseats...this seat's purchase price was 83.00, brand new.

this is a baby bjorn city baby carrier, original in black. it was given to me by a freecycler, retail value 80.00 new.

this boppy pillow was given to me by the same freecyler, who really was happy that i am breastfeeding lol. the slipcovers can be replaced for 13.00 each. this item retails new for 35.00.

this bassinet was #2 of 2 that i received from a freecycler. she also gave me a bag of little girl items, brand new. this bassinet retails for 129.00 new. the only thing that's missing is the mobile piece, which doesn't matter. what newborn looks at mobiles? plus, i got the mobile above anyway from great freecycler (who also gave me baby's bunting and about 7 sleepers for free):

these items weren't all that i received. i had a small get together in which people brought items for the baby. i don't label it a baby shower because it was just supposed to be a party where the hubby and i met with some friends and enjoyed dinner before the baby came, but after much prompting that we just "turn it into" a baby shower, we told people they could bring a gift IF THEY'D LIKE. from that party, we got diapers, baby wipes, more clothing, and socks, hats and booties. most of the clothing booty i received is pictured in my first picture, but that isn't all that i received. and everything you see in any picture i have on this post was given to me for free...no goods or money was exchanged for me to get the items. not shown that i received for free also are:

a graco baby swing, excellent condition

a seashell pregnancy body pillow (has saved me many a night)

baskets for storing baby items/essentials

more diapers

buntings

breastmilk storage totes

binky holders

toys

so with all of the efforts combined from myself and generous people around me, i was blessed abundantly with everything a baby needs (God is AWESOME)...and my total cost out of pocket was 15.00. and the only reason i even spent 15.00 was because i came across a cute little set that i "had to have", but i didn't NEED it. i had everything she needed way before i purchased the items i purchased.

so my conclusion: it is indeed possible to get everything a baby needs to come home and have a very comfortable, healthy and safe first year of life, even if finances and this economy seem to dictate otherwise.

me, cook?!

anyone who knows me knows automatically that cooking was always my vice. i mean, it was more than a vice. it was my archenemy, my archnemesis. i just could not stand to coook. i mean, all that measuring, patience, watching the food, making sure it doesn't burn, heat, timing, all of those odd ingredients and let's not forget the fact that you MUST season to perfection or the whole thing is botched.

i'da rather get locked in a barn full of dirty laundry with only a mini washer and dryer.

but oddly enough, as much as i can't stand cooking, i love to eat.

it "just so happens" that over these past few weeks, i have been going through some health changes that need my immediate attention if i don't want them to worsen. namely, my thyroid and my blood pressure, which has been steadily rising.

in addition to all of this, i have been also struggling with anxiety brought on by a worsening economy, my lack of a regular income, and the ill treatment of people towards each other in general. i have been praying over this, and some days are better than others in my journey towards peace over it all.

so a few weeks ago, when my anxiety was way worse, it led me to ask my mom, "what are we going to do when there is absolutely no way to work and take care of our families?" and she, in turn, brought the question to God.

to which He gave her an answer, and she reported it back to me. "Go back to the land", she says He told her.

now my next question obviously was, "well what land do we go back to?! we don't own any land! or any farm animals! or anything natural that can sustain us!" *and by now i was talking in clipped sentences and more than a bit agitated at God for giving me that answer. i had wanted this earth shattering, profound answer that would set all my doubt free, not an answer that actually seemed to be worse than the question*.

but, me being diligent in knowing that God makes no mistakes, decided to take that answer and work with it as best i could. which meant praying over it, mediatating over it, and letting God clarify it for me *which He has no issues doing for most things i believe*.

fast forward to a few days later. i realized that my blood pressure isn't doing well, and this is during a time when i NEED it to do well. so as i was praying over my health, God told me..."take your health back to the land, because you're going to have to do that anyway!" and like a LIGHTBULB, i understood. in my mind i saw the huge garden that we had when i was smaller, the garden that served many purposes. not only did that garden feed us because we couldn't afford to buy food, but it helped my mom develop a relationship with God, it helped to relax her during difficult times, and it helped to foster my love for animals and insects, as well as a healthy respect for nature. and as much as i never thought it'd be me, my heart's desire quickly became to do the same for my kids. to show them that there is more to living than what we have out here commercially, what the secular world feeds us, both literally and figuratively.

as God continued to work with me, i realized also that i had to learn to like to eat good food, cook good food, and eventually grow good food. and not worry about the literal land, because God would provide it. what i need to work on doing right now is actually LIKING food, LIKING cooking, and LIKING to eat right. because let's be honest, it's not exactly the most fun for me to pick out some corny old vegetables, put them in a pot and boil them down to crapola that i'm then forced to suck down with a straw. but maybe if i put in the effort, and allow God to show me what Goodness He has in the world in the form of food, i will actually grow to not only like cooking, but maybe even to love it.

today, just a few short weeks later, i wholeheartedly understand BETTER what God has in store for me in the future of an uncertain world. i won't say that i understand it all, because i don't, but i trust His way. and i also know that doing this *the whole food thing* will not only help me to have better health, but it may just be what saves my children from feeling the FULL effects of a crashing america later on in life, something that has really provoked my anxiety. and knowing this is actually enough to not only ebb my anxiety, but to make me INTERESTED in cooking GOOD food without SALT and CHEMICALS in it to the point that i'm actually flipping through recipe books. so don't be surprised when you see me blabbing off about how i actually cooked such and such from scratch, and how economically savvy i was while doing it, and what great blessings and revelations were revealed from the whole activity, haha.

leave it up to God to work out the messes in my life for His glory and my good! i am feeling better.

church issues.

so, i've decided to leave my church. this decision came after much prayer and meditation, and an experience that only the Holy Spirit Himself could have taken me through.

i am a non-denominational Christian, and i like that just fine. however, because there are almost no non-denominational churches in my community *and NO orthodox Christian churches*, i have to take my pick from what i have to choose from...the typical conglomerate of church choices: baptist, catholic, COGIC, episcopalian, methodist, pentecostal, reformation, etc. so of the choices i had, i decided to attend an AME church, or african methodist episcopal church. one of the deciding factors in my choice was the fact that the church is literally around the corner and one day while going past i saw a few of it's members chatting outside and they seemed really friendly. after about 3 months of visiting i decided to join the church because well...God hadn't told me NOT to join the church.

i don't think.

now i'll admit, i don't always have the best ears when it comes down to listening to The Father. if i did, i wouldn't be in half of the crap i'm in, and always praying and thanking Him crazily when He throws one down *while rolling His eyes at me no doubt* for me to catch and hold on to. so it wouldn't be a surprise to me if God had said, "don't join that church!" and i totally brushed His Voice off as a figment of my imagination.

so let's just say that either way it goes, i didn't get the message NOT to join the church. but two sunday's ago i was preparing to go to Sunday Service and as i walked towards the front door to go to the car, something told me to leave the children home. so i told them they weren't going *to which they actually were bummed about*. after taking off their clothing and settling them down *my bf was there to watch them because we all go to church together*, i decided to head back out the door. as i neared the door, a sudden depression came over me. like a huge wave, it just washed down my entire body, and i heard my heart tell me "don't go to church today!". me, ignoring the feeling *which i now believe was God*, went towards the car anyway. i got in, and i was feeling so sad and down, out of nowhere, that i started to cry. i pulled out of the parking spot and as i neared the church, my chest felt compressed, and i had to catch my breath! i was having an anxiety attack over going to church. i tried to look for a parking spot next to the church, but my body wouldn't even let me park the car...i just couldn't bring myself to stop and look for a space to park! after about a minute of this i was so flustered and upset i drove straight to my mom's house, in tears, shaking and praying. she calmed me down and suggested we visit another church, to which i readily agreed. immediately my spirit calmed down, my anxiety went away and i felt better.

now, i'm trying to pinpoint where things went wrong in my church life, but it's very hard to find out when, where, and most importantly, what happened.

all was going well for a year, until i decided to be the director of the children's ministry, or the ypd department. now taking on this leadership role seemed easy enough, i'm pretty good with children and my teaching skills, while not the best, aren't the worst.

let's just say that i was NOT a happy camper within 3 months of taking on the role as ypd director.

being in this position requires the director to meet with "sister" churches for "connectional" purposes. the idea is that these historically black churches will keep their power and stay in alignment with the will of God by keeping in touch with each other and supporting each other. so in essence the ame is a network of sister churches that is run in an hierarchal manner by higher ups, preachers, elders, and at the highest rank is the bishops and council of bishops or whatever.

the ame church, in my opinion, has developed over the years into nothing more than a scam, with a group of testa-liars as it's head. it is only a matter of time before the breakdown of this particualar church system becomes universal in my honest to goodness opinion.

now i know every church has a bit of satan in it, and many churches have a lot o' satan in them. but the ame church is a hotbed for what i call subtle satanic activity (you know how satan isn't always in your face with it, sometimes that lil nukka likes to be so subtle that you have to wonder is it even him)...mainly because it's system is set up more like a secular system than any other church system i have ever run into.

the ame's are a very "social" people--there is a social scale of importance, and if you aren't at the top of the food chain, what's your name again??

the ame's are very ehh..."adamant" about "their" way. they tend to try and "brainwash" the younger generations by "teaching" them that the ame is "the way to go". now i wouldn't have a problem with this, except that i am not into teaching my children that any particualar denomination is better than another for the simple fact that i am a non-denominational Christian and i believe that denominations as a whole add to the breakdown that we see in the church community and much of our walk with God.

the ame's are a very...financially "savvy" people. aka they take from the smaller churches to take care of the larger churches. so your church can be direlectic and absolutely falling apart, but if you want to be a part of the larger connectional ame community--well then you'd better get out a checkbook. and guess what? the bishop drives a 100,000.00 car and will charge you 2,000.00 to "grace" your church with his presence.

the ame's are also a very...flashy people. never before have i ever seen so many electronic Bibles, fur coats and high heels on 80 year olds at a service, and i'd be flabbergasted *if i expected any better of them* at the fact that very few ame's actually carry bonafide book-form Bibles to services and events.

now don't get me wrong...there are quite a few God fearing and loving Christians within the ame community, the pastor of my ame is definitely a man of God, and he is really asking me to at least attend the Sunday Services because he doesn't want me to be without the Word of God. i am thinking he is right, and i do want to attend, but i really don't want anything to do with the ame church as a whole. but it's a shame how black people in today's society have taken a very honest and well meaning idea for the black church and turned it into the devil's stomping ground with a bunch of riff raff and foolishness, money focusing and social ladder climbing.

so, with all of that being said, i am left back at square one of finding a church. for now i am going to continue at my church as a "guest", mainly because the pastor has personally asked me to return as well as the congregation it seems. but i don't believe it's a permanent choice, mainly because of my experience two Sundays ago and after constant prayer, i do believe God has told me i'm released from that particular place.

on another note: it is very hard for most of us Christians who don't have a church home to find one in these times, it seems. i am not the only Christian i know looking for a church home--there are at least 3 other Christians i talk to on a daily basis that have the same problem that i'm having. what is a Christian to do without a church home?!

finding my divine purpose.

i had a conversation with hubby last night in which i asked him to pray for me to find my divine purpose on this earth. lately i have been hearing the word preached and taught and spoken about on this subject. and for about a year now, i have been asking God to reveal to me what my divine purpose is--what is it that He wishes me to do to advance His Kingdom.

while i believe i am there, i am now feeling pretty stumped about how to go about it. i know that it is in the realm of women, health, self-improvement...that area...but i am not sure exactly what it is i should be doing, it doesn't seem to be gelling together.

or maybe it is and i'm blind to it? i've started my own business, and it's on spiritual hold, and i believe it's a part of my divine gift...and i am starting a women's group as well. it all feels so right but it looks so wrong.

so i asked my hubby to please pray for me, that i hear His voice concerning this matter and that i make no mistake about it.

it seems that it's so easy for some people to find their purpose and they just "do" it. in the Bible there are the stories of Tabitha and Rahab, and Ruth and Hannah and all of the other women who just seemed to "do it". i know it wasn't that easy for them, but it just seems that way. i don't want to compare or complain so i won't...

for now, i said maybe i could gift away my great abigail sea salt sachets to those who could really use a break. i have enough for about 10 bags or so, they don't have to be fancied up, but just bagged in a brown paper bag and handed out to those who need them *and who doesn't?! lol*. they are the perfect end to a crazy day, and i love the way they smell. by far they are my favorite sachets and i love Abigail's story *which can be found in 1 Samuel 25*.

maybe this isn't the right approach, but i feel like i'm not giving enough, my divine purpose is being sorted out, and it's making me crazy! i never thought i'd say that, "i feel like i'm not giving enough", but most certainly, it is how i feel. :(

maybe i'll feel better about this once my volunteer opportunity starts up, which should be within the next 2 weeks or so.

i hope i get my purpose down pat soon. *sigh*

my favorite Psalm.

here's my very favorite Psalm, written by King David, Psalm 139. the first time i ever heard this Psalm it was read to my church congregation by our previous minister. when she read it to us, it touched my heart in a way that i still can't fully explain. it was God speaking straight to me concerning what i hold most important and closest to me, in the innermost parts of who i am. i really love this song, it's so beautiful and true, i cry when i study it.

anyway, i just thought i'd share it on my blog, since today i was sharing it with someone else. it can be found here along with other Biblical passages.


Psalm 139 (New Living Translation)

For the choir director: A psalm of David.

1 O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.

2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

3 You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.

4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.

5 You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!

7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!

8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.

9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.

11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—

12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.

13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!

18 I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!

19 O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!

20 They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.

21 O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?

22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

this Christian woman's view on abortion.

now i know this is a difficult pill for some believers and non-believers alike to swallow, but this is my blog so i'm going to give my opinion re: Christians and their problems with legalized abortion.

legalized abortion is a very touchy subject and it's one of those damned-if-ya-do damned-if-ya-don't type situations. however, after alot of soul searching myself, i have simplified the trillions of facets of abortion into two basic sentences: abortion is allowed under governmental law and therefore is the law. and there is nothing wrong with abortion being legal.

any studious Christian knows that governments are a secular concept, not a spiritual one. any country that deems to make abortion legal has the absolute right to do so imo under it's government. bottom line, there's nothing to argue there. now to go a bit deeper.

the reason i even started this entry is simple. it irks me to see Christians get upset at the government, each other and whomever else is in earshot because the government (i suppose mr. president in particular according to some) refused to take away the right to abort.

one Christian i heard on the television today *my back was turned so i didn't see him* had the nerve to say that president obama is "allowing" abortion and "encouraging" it. how exactly, pray tell, is barack obama "allowing" or "encouraging" abortions to take place? as far as i can tell abortions were legal in many places before the man was born himself and the secular society we live in encourages abortions, not one person. no one person has the power to encourage thousands of abortions per year across a country. i have never heard mr. president say to someone, "please, go out and get an abortion. and if you can't find a clinic that will safely abort, please, please PLEASE stick a hanger way up there and tug hard."

there is nothing worse than a Christian that makes me look bad. as if i don't do things that make me look bad enough being my own Christian. but that Christian made me as a Christian look very bad. not only that, but he added yet another log to the political fire by outright lying on mr. president. i can hear the masses now, "that wasn't very God-like!!!"

*sigh*

i am pro-life. period. this fact about me will never change. it took me six long years to admit that i was pro-life and not pro-choice. as a matter of fact, i believe that any pro-choicer who says, "i'm only pro-choice because i can't tell another person what to do with their body" is a pro-lifer without the guts to admit their true feelings. that used to be me. but today i will matter-of-factly state that i am pro-life. i do not believe in abortion as legitimate, fine, acceptable or "the removal of an unwanted growth". i believe abortion is the killing of a human being, bottom line. now some will say this is very callous of an attitude to have, but i digress. whatever. i am not saying i can't stand those who abort, i've had an abortion myself. so i do not stand in the face of people being mightier-than-thou. that's not my steelo, and someone having an abortion would not make me love, like or care for them any less than i love myself. things happen and people make decisions that they believe are best when they make them, and without sounding *too* preachy, God still loves us all.

but i'm not here to argue that point.

my point here *right now anyway* is, in this world you cannot force the hand of any individual. so what is the problem? why are Christians *SO* very upset over the fact that abortion is legal and that mr. president refuses to take away choice in the matter? abortion should be legal, because it's going to happen one way or another, legal or illegal. making it legal does not mean one has to have an abortion. if this was true it would be making abortion mandatory that would be the more important problem, and i believe true pro-choicers would have have just as much issue with mandatory abortion as they do with taking the abortion option away *or at least that's my "rose-colored glasses" hope*. if a woman wants an abortion then i would rather her to be able to have one legally and in a clean, safe medical setting versus doing it the underground way, or worse yet by doing it herself, as i've heard many a story about. i believe many more people would die from illegal abortion than would from legal abortion, since many would-be mothers would probably kill themselves accidentally having bootlegged abortions done.

imo, understanding a moral law does not mean that one must FOLLOW said law. what's moral to the goose may be immoral to the gander. the only law a person is MANDATED to follow is the legal law. i know that sometimes the lines that draw the difference between legal and moral seem murky, but i am pretty sure that there is a line there somewhere. when a person wants something, truly and deeply, there is no amount of persuasion concerning morals and legalities that's going to get them to change their mind. this goes for both sides of the argument. those of us who are against abortion will be against it no matter how legal it becomes and no matter how many people do it. those of us who are not against abortion won't be against it no matter how illegal it becomes or how many people don't do it. this is the way life is when people stand firmly in their beliefs.

when this world ends the only person's behaviors we will be responsible for are our own. yes, we can and should encourage those around us to follow the law of God and not abort for their own sake and the sake of their unborn child(ren) because that is Christian duty. however, in the end whatever decision they make is truly their choice and legal right to make. the Bible says *yes i'm preaching here* that each man will be responsible only for his own actions in this world, not those of anyone else. our final judgement will be solely our own. so we cannot force our judgement on another person nor will we be able to blame our decisions on another person. those who are truly Christian know that they are in this world and not of it. so why does it anger so many people that this world is just doing what it's supposed to do--being the world? if the world agreed with God, Jesus wouldn't have had to say "ye are in the world not of it"because it wouldn't have been the truth. if God and the world were on the same accord then the world would be in us, and we would be in the world, and sin wouldn't exist and neither would the choice to sin or not to sin. we'd all be following God's Word and Law to the letter because well it would be all we had to follow *since sin wouldn't exist*. we would be taking it back to the Garden pre-serpent days.

yes, it's what's in the heart that counts. if someone has it in their heart to abort, well then hey. that is their RIGHT to abort as written by the legal law. and Jesus was the first to say, "Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s” (Mathew 22:21). sure, the specific meaning of this verse was concerning taxes, but i believe the broader meaning of this verse is to follow the law and obey it, so long as the law of man does not conflict with the law of God. if the law of man conflicts with the law of God, you follow God. this law about *legalized abortion* does NOT conflict with the Word of God. why not you ask? it doesn't conflict with God's Word because this law is a choice, not a mandate. we have the choice to abort or not to abort. the law is simply, "abortion is legal and a woman has the right to an abortion if she so chooses to have one in this country". no more, no less. heck, i'm wondering if its even a law moreso than it is a choice. if no one in the world aborted, then God would certainly be happy i believe, and the law wouldn't matter one way or another now would it? but the government would still have the right to keep the wording and meaning of the law. the government's laws are not God's laws, and they were given the right not to be. so long as we Christians have the choice NOT to abort *and verily i tell you if you are Christian then you ought to be pro-life*, who is it bothering and why is it really bothering them?

if a person is under God, then they will know abortion is spiritually illegal and they will not abort. it's up to each person to decide which law he or she is going to follow. and God wants us to have the choice to do right more than He wants us to be forced to do what's right, believe me.

telling children some of the truths about life.

well of course, telling children the truth about life is a conversation that every parent should take seriously and should take careful consideration about before actually doing it. and one thing i've noticed about the conversation is that, although it is inevitable, it's almost certainly easier when you consult with God about it before you actually do it. another thing i've noticed is that, when your heart is right and the truth is in it, the words flow more easily than you can imagine, almost like it's not even you speaking.

and this is great because sometimes the conversation comes up without you really planning or expecting it.

today my oldest daughter had to be told repeatedly to clean her room. and when i was speaking to her about it, the conversation took a decidedly abrupt twist.

now it could be that i'm feeling especially blessed today after church, or that i'm simply a sensitive to the world around me type sould, but whatever the case may be, the conversation turned into a discussion on the truth about life. and i am happy that we had it.

some basic truths about life that i shared with my daughter are:

we get older every day, and we cannot regain lost time, so we must make the best of what we have

without the proper amount of education, be it formal or informal, we are doomed to live a difficult life full of ignorance and missed opportunity

even with education,l formal or informal, life is still difficult

growing up is difficult, especially during the tween and teen years (which she is entering)

peer pressure is real, and she will need to make important decisions about her friends

there are people in the world who are worse off than you are on your most worse off day

there are some people who mean you well and some people who mean you ill

you cannot let the people who mean you ill prevent you from accepting the good from poeople who mean you well

some personal truths that i shared with my daughter are (based on what i want to instill in her):

God loves each human being on this earth, even those who don't behave in the best ways

God expects us to love each other the way we love Him

God expects her to do, be and show her very best self

it is our obligation to love ourselves, each other and our planet

a woman of strength is one who is smart, generous and orderly, among other things

it is her responsibility to take care of and appreciate what she gets, regardless of the difficulty or ease it took to get it

times are becoming increasingly difficult, and the world is going through many changes

she must use what she knows in her mind to help her navigate this life

she is beautiful, smart and has the same rights as anyone else

having a right to do something does not neccessarily mean it should be done

i suppose i could go on, but some things were private mommy/daughter things that i don't have to list, as every mommy/daughter team does or will know soon enough exactly what i'm talking about (sorry daddies hehe--although many daddies do know anyway i'm sure).

the most amazing thing to me about the conversation is how easily the words flowed for me. when i was a younger parent rearing my girls i used to have small panic attacks about how i would explain certain things to them, or discuss certain topics, and to be quite honest at one point i decided that i would get others to *handle* these important parental matters for me. but as i matured more and watched them grow i realized that it was my responsibility to discuss these matters with my children because they are my children and no one else's, and what i say to them more than likely will shape the rest of their lives. i also realized that God would provide me with the voice i needed to share with them what needed to be shared, and i wouldn't be embarassed, at a loss for words, or confused. how did i know this? i could feel it inside myself, budding like a flower. i would be hit with the urge to discuss certain topics with her, or i would say to myself, "i know exactly what i'm going to tell her when she asks me this or that". it seemed like i was almost welcoming the opportunity to talk to her about life,and i was becoming excited about it! this is how i know i was changing and the voice i needed to talk to my daughter was forming within me.

every single question my oldest daughter has asked me about life thus far has been met with a sure answer from me. i haven't been afraid to share with her the truths about various things, death, friends, marriage, hurt...and the biggest obstacle for me...SEX! it never ceases to amaze me how my heart didn't jump out of my chest a single time in all of the conversations we've had, how well my words were received, and how easy it was for me to share with her my heart's desires for her. this is how i know i wasn't alone when talking to my daughter about these things.

i have never been adept at verbal communication. when i was a little girl i used to share my emotions and opinions by writing letters because it was 100% easier, an opinion that i still hold to this day. so to be able to share with her verbally and do it so fully and openly and clearly is actually a first for me as well.

i never thought i'd be thankful to God for allowing me the opportunity to share with my daughter the way my mother shared with me, but i am. i am thankful to give her these bricks for her use, and it is my prayer that with God's help she lays them in the path He wants her to follow.

i am honored to be the one He chose to hand them to her.

Jesus loves ALL of His creations, even the imperfect ones.

yes it's true. i love my american pit bull terrier, and she loves me. not only that, but Jesus loves her too. i suppose it's safe to say that Jesus loves her so much because i love her so much, although He loves all of His creation. so maybe i'm being a little siddity in saying that He loves her as much as He does because i love her as much as i do.

but at any rate, the point is, we Both love our pit bull terrier, baby. a while back i posted about her struggling with mange, and the stresses it brought to the table. well, we were still struggling so much and badly that for the first time i had considered seriously, seriously putting her down. it really came as a final decision after i got my carpets replaced, which needed to be done very badly. because of the cost (1,500.00) and the amount of physical labor it took me by myself to have them put in, i really couldn't stand to have her ruin them again.

but my heart just couldn't say yes to euthanizing my dog. so i prayed.

now some people think it's silly to pray over certain seemingly small things, but as my mom says, "if it's important enough to pray over, then it's not small." so i swallowed my anxiety and i spoke to Jesus about my problem. i prayed for a solution, and moreso than that, i prayed that He help me accept putting her down, because my heart just couldn't take it. it was probably the most emotional prayer i've had all year--i cried before, during and after my prayer. i felt like i was choosing to euthanize my best friend or a family member.

i still can't really express the pain i felt praying that prayer.

but i know Jesus heard it. and what else did He send but an answer?

two days before my carpets got done, my mother called me up. now take note that after i had said my prayer few days earlier i texted my mom and asked her to pray for me concerning the situation as well, to pray for me to have enough strength to do what was best for all parties involved.

so anywh0, my mom calls me up. and she blurts out that she'll take my dog! now i'm confused because i've had this dog for x amount of years and no one save my sister has offered to help me by actually taking her. unfortunately soon after that my sister lost her job and her apartment so that offer fell through the floor.

but i certainly was floored. my mom told me she'd take my dog and help me with her. all i had to do was buy her medicine and continue to make her meals...which i agreed to do without fail.

when i asked her what made her decide to help me she said, "i don't know. i just have been having these dreams about her and my heart is telling me not to let her get put to sleep."

funny, but that's the same exact thing both hubby and i have experienced with this dog. dreams and our hearts/intuitions/feelings telling us to keep her around. almost like God Himself is demanding she be kept alive. i pretty much listen to my heart, i don't ignore my feelings. and this dog evokes such a strong response from me emotionally--it's hard to explain but for some reason i cant let her go. she's blessed--there's a reason she's on this earth i've decided.

so my prayers were heard and answered. i was spared the pain of putting down literally the sweetest dog i've ever owned, and my carpets were spared the pain of being totally destroyed again. what a blessing huh!

to make matters better, my dog seems to be healing up super quickly. hard to explain, but i think she is allergic to carpeting. her fur is growing back in and she no longer needs to wear a tshirt around her neck *as you can see she has on in the above picture too*. this dog has been delivered from death more times than i care to count. i believe i explained her story in my last post about her so i won't repeat it, but she's a special dog. she misses me sure, but since i'm right around the c0rner from my mom i'm always in her face anyway. my sister helps me out too, so i guess it's safe to say baby has become a family dog.

and i know it's safe to say that she's loved and that Jesus loves all of His creations, even the imperfect ones.

a busy day today!

the kids and i are just coming in from a concert that we had at our church, it was very enjoyable. we stuffed our faces with food afterward and now i'm good and tired. it was really enjoyable to be able to just sing and clap and praise the Lord with my church family and immediate family. i really love my new church--it's like home. :D

i'm off to bed--we have to get up pretty early to be at church on time.

look what i "stumbled" upon!

during a time when i've been debating alot with other religions over who Jesus truly was, i found this passage by the apostle John to say everything i need to say. it gave me the confirmation i needed to have to continue debating the good debate.

1 John 2:20-27 (New International Version)

20But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and all of you know the truth.[a] 21I do not write to you because you do not know the truth, but because you do know it and because no lie comes from the truth. 22Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist—he denies the Father and the Son. 23No one who denies the Son has the Father; whoever acknowledges the Son has the Father also.
24See that what you have heard from the beginning remains in you. If it does, you also will remain in the Son and in the Father. 25And this is what he promised us—even eternal life.
26I am writing these things to you about those who are trying to lead you astray. 27As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit—just as it has taught you, remain in him.

a blessed day!

whomever said that God will take our obstacles and turn them into stepping stones, that our difficulties are opportunities for Him to work miracles in our lives never lied! today i was having a rough day, debating with a few people on matters of religion, and as always, it seemed as if i was the underdog. eventually when people saw that they could not change my mind about my faith, the accusations came pouring in that i was rude, disrespectful, stubborn, etc.

now anyone who knows me knows that i may be stubborn and i can be rude, but disrespectful i am not. i just don't turn my beliefs for anyone, not only because this is who i am, but also because this is my life and the lives of my family. so i am set in my belief system. that still doesn't equate to disrespectful, but you can't tell an angry person that.

so anyway, i decided to pray over it, because i had to question myself...maybe i am disrespectful. and if i was, i wanted God to let me know and to show me how to work on that, because paul says to be bold in love.

so while i was praying, God just came on along and crept into my heart, and told me that the battle is not an easy one, but it is one to press on in and to remain steadfast in my beliefs and my presentation, because it shows others that i am not joking around.

my heart became so light and happy that i decided to play my music, and i felt brand new and rejuvinated. the night before i had been so weary and worn down from the debate and when i woke up this morning i just sighed and said, "a continuation. oh boy." so i wasn't exactly elated to be caught up in the whirlwind of an emotional spiritual debate, but then out of the battle came a blessing, so i wound up being happy to have engaged in it at all.

an additional blessing also came from this debate. for the past 3 months i have been diligently and excitedly studying the Word of God and engaging in fellowship, and it felt so good and so intense that i had gotten to the point where i was dreaming daily dreams of God, Jesus, heaven and peace. and i would pray and pray for God to allow me to retain in that state of spiritual highnesses, just let me wake up every day as blessed and elated as i had been.

but life set in and eventually my strict study regimine waned, my study group went back to work and living, and i found myself studying only half diligently and listening to my music only on most days.

well engaging in that argument has spiked up my study habits again and has opened up an entirely new world to me--the world of monotheistic religion study.

now i have to scratch together another barnes and noble money bank because i am itching to get my hands on some more prominent works by scholars who study the Christianity/Judaism/islam relationship.

it's funny how God uses what we deem as discouraging situations to bless us, open up our minds and broaden our horizons. before this day i had no real interest in learning about the big 3 religions in relationship to each other, and now i'm so interested i've been researching for the past 6 hours. i feel that my prayers to remain committed to my Christian beliefs have been answered.

and that's a blessed day.

smooth sailing.

I can honestly say that since I've become more serious about church, tithing,giving, helping others, Biblical studies and coming closer to God in general, a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and the quality of my life has improved tenfold. I no longer feel drudged down by the weight and worries of this world.

Some may have heard me say it but some may not have--this summer has been a spiritual breakthrough for me. I say this truly and sincerely. I suppose God believed that it was time for me to go to the next level in my spirituality, well I've made it there with flying colors! I can't believe how much I was missing out on concerning my relationship with Him before!

Now that I have this new relationship I pray that it doesn't dissolve, that I have the strength and faith and determination to continually walk with Him without letting the secularness of this world hold me back or cause me to second guess myself and God's love for me. Because while some people are absolutely positive there is nothing that makes them waiver in God--i've been angry with Him to the point of not even talking to Him, I've lost faith before and sometimes I've even understood the rationings of non-believers and have been struck with what I call the "What Ifs"--a period in which I question the reality of God. But I find that while the stronger I get in God the stronger the opposition gets, the easier it is for me to tackle my own doubts and insecurities and tap them down to resume my walk in, through and with Him.

I've found such a peace in my increased spirituality that I no longer get all wound up when problems come my way. I'm curbing a lot of the words coming out of my mouth and ideas coming out of my mind and I'm no longer feeling like I'm going against my own grain or what seems to be ingrained in me to the point that its simply who I am. I find that working on myself is becoming easier than ever. Its not EASY but its easier than it has ever been before for me.

I'm on my way...I am reaping the goodness of God in my life and I am bringing that goodness to and encouraging my family to find their own goodness in Him moreso than ever before. My children are developing a stronger relationship in Him as well. I can see such a marked difference in all of us in only a month, I wouldn't believe it if I wasn't experiencing it myself.

I am blessed with smooth sailing!

why...

do atheists seem to love to attack Christians (both overtly and subtly), yet they seem to be docile around believers of other religions? it just seems so one sided and lopsided.

lately i've been dealing with some atheist conversation, and although it's civil for the most part, there are alot of subtle attacks towards Christians, even when the Christians aren't attacking the atheists (not even subtly). now i could be wrong, being as i'm Christian, and biased. but i've stepped away from the conversation and went back to it, only to realize that no...we are not attacking them.

i've been to forums where there are a wide variety of religions, and in every debate, the ones who get trashed the most are the Christians. the ones who get the least respect for their beliefs are the Christians. i have to ask, is this because Christians make up a majority of the group, is it because atheists have a thing for Christians moreso than any other religion, or is it for a reason totally unrelated?

i also notice that atheists dig up more "ammo" to use against Christians than any other group. i don't see them digging around for the most minute details of other religions to use in debate. i don't see them picking apart the Koran as much as the Bible, i don't see them taking issue with Buddah as much as Jesus.

not that i am overly concerned with this, but it's just something I'VE noticed. again, i could be wrong and i make no claims to a scientific study about this.

just wondering what IS it about us Christians that rubs them so badly?

The Maker's Diet.

this book is an excellent read, even for those who are not neccessarily religious but want to change the way they view their food and eating habits, and for those who want to change their way of life and eat healther, get in shape and be better for it.

i got so excited towards the end of The Maker's Diet that i went on a binge and threw away half of my kitchen. i don't really regret it--one read and you'll feel bad for eating non-organic, and feeding it to your kids, if you have any.

this book also made me revamp my mindset that i had about food before, as viewed in this post. not that i was wrong before, but i'd say more ignorant. there was a response given also to my post that i didn't quite "get" back then, but i get it now--thanks to the person that wrote me that post! now i see why pork is bad for you as well as other foods, and i understand that God's rules concerning food did not change. the only thing that did change is that now, eating whatever you want isn't a sin, but the bad for you foods still remain bad for you. you just won't go to hell for eating them.

i've decided to switch us over to a 50% minimum organic diet. this includes all dairy, fruits and vegetables. i'm aiming for all organic meats, but thus far those are expensive. for now i just try to get meats raised and prepared in the most natural, humane ways.

but what an excellent read it is...i got my copy for 99 cents off ebay *now you really didn't think i'd purchase this sucker for 15.00 new right?!* however, i've read in various places online that the author of this book, Jordan Rubin, offers free copies to those who are in financial straights but wish to obtain the information he provides.

i personally love the book. it's not gimmicky or weird and the rules really are simple and common sensical. of course those who aren't spiritually inclined will scoff at the more spiritual side of the book. and that's just fine. the rest of us appreciate his words and his relationship with God--i personally cried during a few pages.

we are making the transition to a naturally healthy lifestyle with this book and a few other resources i've obtained over time, and to be honest it's much easier than i imagined it'd be. i'm happy i'm doing it--my kids love organic 1% milk just as much as regular whole milk and the prices (which i'll blog about after my first full organic shopping experience coming up) thus far don't seem to be abnormally out of range. i paid 4.19-4.59 for a gallon of hormone/antibiotic laced milk, and now i pay 4.99 for a gallon of certified organic milk. well worth the extra few cents for the better health and piece of mind. now i feel guilty if i even think about getting my kids non-organic milk--like i'm purposefully giving them hormones and antibiotics in every cup of milk. we've even started on organic sugar (2.50 for 1.5 pounds). and that's not any fault at all of The Maker's Diet, i've been feeling this guilt trip rising in the back of my throat for a few weeks now!

i'm going to complete the book again and then just start the diet (which comes in three different phases and levels), but i'm already eating better after the first read. now i know that there's a possibility that what we eat isn't as organic as it could be, even if it's stamped by the usda as organic, but i can taste the difference in the milk that we drink now, and i can taste the difference in the sugar and the vegetables. the flavors are smoother, more robust. i noticed the milk tastes creamier and lighter. the vegetables have a sweeter, stronger taste. so i don't know if it's psychological or what, but so far we're enjoying it and i figure it has to have LESS chemicals in it than non-organic, which is always a start.