spring is here!

so, spring is here, and i couldn't wait to get back to blogging for some odd reason. maybe it's because everything is so new and it's a time to start over, or maybe it's because the longer and sunnier days have my disposition feeling cheery, or maybe it's just because i've missed my blog. at any rate, it's spring and i am happy to be blogging lol.

this year has been a blessing as always, and even through the struggles ive been having with my family and individually, we are still immensely blessed. ecobaby is growing taller every day and now sports a headfull of soft, curly locks! she has fully benefitted from mommy's breastmilk--my only regret is that i stopped her at 1 year instead of continuing on. however, it was becoming extremely difficult for me to produce milk even with fenugreek supplements, so i'm just thankful to have been able to give her nearly a year's worth of milk. with 6 pearly whites to show with every smile, she is now beyond walking to running and getting into everything, and keeping mommy, daddy and siblings diligently on our toes.

our oldest daughter is struggling in school. she is a very social creature, and has allowed her social life override her education, which has resulted in her grades slipping and her mouth getting her in trouble more often than not. as of a few weeks ago, she was actually in danger of repeating 6th grade. due to behavioral issues that have been professionally addressed, her struggles are a bit more intense than they would be under normal circumstances, so it is pretty much a critical situation with her. i am revamping the way that i approach this situation with her, because not only was my previous way of dealing with these difficulties counterproductive to her, they were also counterproductive to my family and i. we are now in a very delicate and very difficult to navigate position, but i am learning patience and to watch what i say and do with her, and it has been helping out. step by step, day by day, and some days seem slower than others, but looking back, i do see changes happening. i am continuing to pray over the situation, and i am continuing to look for Jesus' hand to guide us through.

our ten year old daughter has also been struggling a bit in school, but that's mainly due to laziness on her behalf, and a penchant for drawing and artwork that is overtaking a penchant for listening to the teacher. she absolutely loves her drawing and artwork, and lately her masterpeices have been not only taking over her world, but they've taken over ours as well! artwork all over the bedroom, all over my kitchen table, stuffed in every pocket of her bookbag. this is a passion gone awry, one that we have spoken about, and that she has promised to reign in just a bit. but by no means am i stopping her...we have the next picasso on our hands, believe me as i type it!

our 6 year old is progressing along very well. now more than halfway through kindergarten, she is finally taking to school, and got all a's and b's this marking period, an improvement from all b's and 1 c last marking period. because this is her first full year of school, her teacher is very pleased with her progress. she was struggling with letter recognition, but with the help of outside resources and learning books gifted to us from my mother, a retired teacher, she is coming along beautifully. i am especially pleased because she had such a difficult time adjusting to prek that i not only took her out of prek, but i was dreading kindergarten. but she's taking to it like a fish to water. this serves as a lesson for me never to underestimate my parenting skills. i went against my better judgement by sending her to school before i felt she was ready; now i am relieved to see that taking her out and keeping her home was a good move on my behalf. mornings are still a struggle for her, as she's not too thrilled with waking up so early, but once we get the ball rolling, everything is all good!

my husband is also doing well. although he has not gotten a permanent position anywhere as of yet, that is something for our prayer life, something that we are trusting God about. i would be afraid for us, but fear is not of God. so i have no place for it in my life or heart. i am happy to say that my husband has completed a 21 day fast (not perfectly, but he kept getting back up and going right back on the fast, and i can say his slip ups were unintentional. one meal he ate had bread in it and he didnt know)! i am so proud of him--and i do believe we were mightily blessed by his endeavor. he was saved in may of 2011, so that was a huge step for him. we are doing better than ever on our marital journey, keeping God first and allowing everything to fall into place. i'll be blogging more about this journey as time goes on.

now for me! whew. where to begin? i am teeter tottering on everything it seems. my weight, my thyroid, my studies, everything...even my blogging. i dont want to turn this into a pity party where i kick my own back in...but i am not happy with my progress on anything. another reason for blogging. to help me keep myself on track with the goals that i have in life. my life is so packed and so busy, that i deserve this to not only share myself and what i have to offer, but to help me keep myself on track, and get encouragement. which makes me even more fully welcome the spring and be happy it's here! a new season, a new beginning, and a new attitude!

"rich people arent getting into heaven!"

so. lately ive been having an interesting debate (one that i will admit had me in tears at one point) over Christianity and money. namely, prosperity preachers, money and the "justtrynnamakeittoheaven" Christian.

the debate started over a question about prosperity preachers, namely what's so bad about them. well most people who know me also know that i will defend those pp's that i feel really are just trying to spread the Good News of Jesus to the world (and yes, i believe some of them--who i call televised evangelicals lol--really are simply trying to get to tell the world about the love of Christ for every person). so, as usual, there was the usual brigade of Christians that hate them, their message and what they preach, and then there was lil ole me...who still hasnt yet heard an argument from a single Christian to make me ban ALL televised evangelicals from my home. the best argument i got from a Christian was "prosperity preachers advocate that if you arent a billionaire, then it's because you dont have enough faith in Jesus Christ." now i loved that argument, and i agreed, that if someone teaches that, they are indeed wrong. but i have to be honest and say...i have never one time heard any of the te's i like say this. never a single time. and i am still waiting for someone to show me proof of them saying, and insinuating this or anything like this. there are many things i HAVE heard them say, but never that. but i digress.

either way, the debate wound up going into another arena...wealth and Christianity. i did a little research and continued to debate, and was amazed with some of the mindsets Christians today have. i heard everything from, "Jesus was poor, destitute and dirty" to "we should be poor, destitute and dirty as Jesus was" to "we should just be poor people" to "all rich people serve money so can't love God" to the famous "rich people arent getting into heaven!" gotta admit, i was shocked.

seems to me, that for whatever reason, Christians seem to think many things about Christianity and money, none of them good: Jesus wants us poor, destitute and physically suffering, that money is not, and cannot, be a blessing, that anyone who is rich and says they are Christian is a liar, that having financial security equates to being a "billionaire", that being a billionaire is an automatic pass to hell, that we should NOT pray for financial security, and that not worrying about tomorrow somehow translates into not planning for tomorrow.

and ill be the one Christian to stand up and say: i do not believe that Jesus wants us to be poor, that suffering financially is not His will for us, and that money IS a blessing, and that you do not have to be a billionaire to be rich.

and after a week of debating, i still feel this way (although i will admit, i was shell shocked for a while to even see so many Christians praising being poor).

i really think the entire "it's good to be poor" argument from many Christians is just an excuse for their current financial situations. many of us (yes im including myself here--no holier than thou's from this woman) seem to think that it's ok to be in debt, not able to pay our bills or enjoy ANYTHING money can bring us, and to not have a plan for the future (because Jesus will provide). now dont get me wrong, yes Jesus will provide and as Christians, we are NOT to depend on money to meet our needs, put it above our love for God, or allow it to rule us in ANY way. but this does NOT mean having money is a sin, or a bad thing, and nowhere does the Bible say it's ok to be in debt, to owe, that continuing debt is good. as a matter of fact, the Bible teaches that we should NOT be in debt to any person:

Ecclesiastes 5:5
It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay.

Romans 13:8
Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law

Psalm 37:21
The wicked borrows and does not pay back, but the righteous is gracious and gives.

Proverbs 22:7
The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower becomes the lender’s slave.


we as Christians, should plan for the future, as well as budget our money wisely:

Proverbs 13:16
A wise man thinks ahead; a fool doesn’t, and even brags about it!

Ecclesiastes 11:2
Divide your portion to seven, or even to eight, for you do not know what misfortune may occur on the earth.

Proverbs 24:3-4
Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms shall be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

money is a blessing. it was with money that jacob was able to care for his family during the famine. it was with money that paul was able to travel the world spreading the Good News. the people of God were abundantly blessed (and financially blessed) throughout the Bible. all of their needs were met continually. moses, david, abraham, solomon, ruth, boaz, the israelites, esther...the list goes on. these people were hugely blessed by God because of their love and committment towards Him. and only when did they allow their love for their lifestyles and money to overrule their love for God, did they run into trouble.

but this is not saying that money is a bad thing, and the only good Christian is a broke Christian. the Bible tells us that it's better to give than to receive. well, that's where money comes in! how are we, as Christians, going to give when we have nothing to give? my mother used to spend her money on helping her students purchase coats, clothes, shoes and food when they didnt have (and she taught 1st grade so can you imagine)? she didn't tell the children, "i'm going to pray that you get shoes"...she BROUGHT them shoes. now how in the world was she going to get them shoes without money? beg the mall stores for free shoes? Christians can do more good with money than without. i'm not saying Christians can't do good without money. just that we can do more good with it than without. i had a friend recently tell me she had no food to feed her family. did i say, "oh child, i hope you get food to feed those children?" while i fed my family like fat rats? no. i offered her money for her family. she told me i blessed her. i told her i blessed her because Jesus blessed me...with the money to give to her.

dont get me wrong. i am not advocating that with money we dont need Jesus. just the opposite. im advocating that money is because of Jesus, and as we get that blessing called money, it's our jobs to bless others (especially Christians in need) with that money. that's the purpose of money. it's not for us to selfishly hoard, but it's for us to bless our communities and churches with. it's for us to purchase good things to help us enjoy this life while giving God the glory.

someone told me, "wanting a new car or home is idolizing!" so, me wanting a new van to safely transport my family around, have a warranty and the newest safety features, and have transportation that accomodates ALL of my family members (we have a large family and need 7 seats and seat belts) is idolizing? what should i want...to walk around in 4 feet of snow and in 98 degrees of heat with 5 children instead of driving? or, take a lemon with problems and possibly not as safe as a new van over the van just to say i denied myself? should i not ever have a new home because i'm saved? have 5 children sleeping uncomfortably in 1 bedroom with no privacy or room to grow "in Jesus' name"? someone said it perfectly, "you dont get any points for suffering needlessly". will i make it to heaven any more quickly for turning down a new car or home and instead continuing to walk or live in cramped quarters? does Jesus want us to suffer needlessly? when He tells us we will suffer in His name...i think He means we will be persecuted for following and loving Him, not for being poor and broke as all get out.

God tells us the more we give, the more we will receive (i have heard televised evangelicals preach THIS). the more we bless others, the more we will be blessed. this is truth, i am a living testament to this. for 2 years (and counting) we have not had a stable income in our home. so we do not have money. my husband was laid off, as was i, and neither of have been able to find work for a few reasons. but we have NOT lost out on ANYTHING but cable tv. in a time where people are losing everything they've ever had, my family has been well kept. we havent lost anything! to God be the glory...an unemployed family of 7 with NO income at all and we have been saved through the storm! i truly believe it's because we are a giving family. we are not hoarders, we are not selfish. we give freely what we have, time, attention, food, clothes, gifts. we bless others, and in these hard times, we have been blessed. why can't this same rule apply to the money we are given?

i read a book where the author claims that the more money she gives, the more money she gets! she said she can never seem to get rid of her money, and continues to amass more and more. she not only tithes and offers to her church, but she gives offerings to anyone that blesses her with Jesus' love. she said she gives one amount, gets double that back. that she just cannot outgive God...that He's blessing her so much it's borderline ridiculous. she said she keeps her tithing rules faithfully...and God is faithful in His promise to always meet her needs.

the key to her story is...she keeps money in it's appropriate position. and she doesnt let her become her master her or cause her to forget who comes first in her life, Christ Jesus. she gives freely, because she knows God will always keep her needs met. she has no need for money because she has Jesus' protection and Promise in every area of her life, but she also doesnt find anything wrong with living nicely because of the money she has been given, since she has it. she just knows it's only a means to an end while she's on this earth, not the end itself.

now this is what i'm talking about. money should be a blessing, and the more you get, the more you should give...especially to other believers! Jesus blesses us with money, and we should use that money to help meet the needs of others.

Proverbs 3:9-10
Honor the Lord from your wealth and from the first of all your produce; So your barns will be filled with plenty and your vats will overflow with new wine.

to have the narrow minded view that people who have money aren't saved, or that Christ said rich people won't go to heaven (He didnt say this. He said that it will be difficult for them to make it into heaven, NOT because they had money, but because they tend to serve money and not God) is so old an antiquated i can't even believe people are still teaching it. to paint a picture of Jesus wanting us destitute, hungry, sitting up at night worrying how our needs will be met--is such a blatant misrepresentation of Jesus it's blaspehmous! but when we teach ourselves and others that Jesus wants us "poor", we are saying just this, that the God we serve doesn't want us to enjoy life (who can enjoy life having their most basic needs NOT met??) i couldnt believe it when a well known website i frequent said "we should strive to be [financially] poor like Jesus was". wow. why should we strive to be poor? what are we hoping to accomplish as Christians by being poor, that we absolutely cannot accomplish being financially stable? Jesus was poor for a reason-- to show us that money is not what gets us to heaven, but leaning wholly on Him is. He wasn't poor just for poorness' sake, being poor just to suffer and set example that poor is where it's at. and there are disagreements in the Christian community over how poor Jesus really was. at any rate, ALL of His needs were met, whether or not He had an excess of money He didn't have a place to lay his head, but He slept soundly every night. He didnt have a bank account, but when it was time to pay taxes, Jesus had His coinage! Jesus didnt say "dont have money, it's a sin to have money!" if it was a sin, no one in the Bible wouldve been blessed with it. He just commanded that we use it wisely and remember it's purpose in the grand scheme of things. one of my family members made an excellent observation, "have you ever seen anyone destitute gather souls for Jesus?" and my honest to goodness answer is "no". when i see the poor downtrodden in the streets, people around them tend to be trying to get as far away from them as possible, not squating around listening to them while they preach about Jesus (and many of them do). i am even sure that there have been the occasional nonbeliever walking around thinking, "well if that's what believing in Jesus will get me...i'm better off without Him!" as they either drop a nickel in a cup, or run the other way.

as far as the televised evangelicals go...while many of them do improperly use money, i think it's silly to say they all do. i sense a tinge of jealousy in those Christians who are damning other wealthy Christians. ive heard people say some wealthy Christians dress too nicely to be true Christians, and live lifestyles that are too lavish. it's beyond crazy to think that anyone bringing in a decent amount of money will look like a pauper all the time. even bill gates, who shops at walmart, wears nice clothes to work! lil ole justin beiber has his own tour bus. i suppose he should sell it and walk to his tours, all around the world! if i were to attain a certain level of wealth, i would spend money on nice clothing as well, because there is nothing sinful about dressing in quality garments.

Jesus made the world and everything in it, including money. so it cant be a bad thing. satan didnt make anything but sin, and that includes the sinful use of money. God uses money to elevate some for His purposes, and He keeps money from some for His purposes. not having money has been one of the most difficult, yet one of the most spiritually rewarding times of my life! i am with Jesus all the way and i am growing an understanding and appreciation for money that i've never had before. when it's time for me to reap my harvest and sew seeds so others may reap, i pray i will always let Jesus lead the way, and keep me financially conditioned.

i believe as long as our mindsets for money are right--we will have enough to meet our needs. why? because i dont think we are supposed to live with lack, but we must have a healthy mindset for money. if we obtain more money than for just our needs, there is nothing wrong with that, so long as we share the wealth.

Leah, Rachel and the slave ship Trouvadore.

i was reading my Bible yesterday because i had to do some research for work...and i decided to use Leah and Rachel in my work.

for anyone that doesn't know about these two awesome yet very human sisters, you can check out their story in Genesis 29-30ish. but as a quick rundown...Leah and Rachel were sisters--Leah the oldest. Jacob (Issacs son, Abrahams grandson) fell in love with Rachel. as they were to be married, Rachel's father switched Rachel with her older sister Leah (the reasons for this could be many--Laban their father was a nasty man. and some say that the tradition was for the oldest to be married first) and Jacob accidentally married Leah. but because he was in love with Rachel, he married her too. now he wound up with two wives.

before i continue, let me interject that God has a funny sense of humor about Himself, and He never does anything for one reason. i was reading this story for my business, but wound up applying it to myself.

so anyway...now Jacob has two wives who were sisters. sibling rivalry is a terror because these two constantly fought for Jacob's love. Jacob, although in love with Rachel, still knew that Leah was his wife. Leah was not very beautiful but she had a good heart and she was in absolute love with Jacob. Rachel was angry and frustrated and unhappy because she had a nasty father who basically ruined her life and she also had to compete for her husband Jacob, whom she loved.

Leah's story is one that we hear of so much today--she became pregnant, not once--but six times--to hope to win her husband's love and affection. and it never worked...because no matter how many children she had by Jacob, he always loved Rachel more.

yanno the saying, "a baby don't keep a man?" well the women of today--those same women who get pregnant in hopes of keeping their man--are the Leah's of today.

but that's not why i read the story, or why i applied it to myself. God has blessed me with a man that i don't have to fight over.

now Leah had the babies, but didn't have Jacob.

Rachel was the exact opposite. Rachel had Jacob, but she was infertile. and that was ruining her life even moreso than fighting over him with Leah was. Rachel believed that Leah was 10x better than she because Leah had Jacob's children, while she could not. Although Rachel had the love of her life and was content in every area, she still was basically a miserable little wench...because she wanted the man and his babies (this is where God taught me a lesson...but i'll get to that in a moment).

Now finally, God allowed Rachel to conceive. She had her son Joseph (who eventually became the ruler of Egypt)...and her words of joy were, "God has taken away my disgrace. May the Lord add to me another son!" so Rachel's thankfulness didn't come from having a healthy child, but "winning" the "war" between her sister and herself. because see, Leah had the babies, but not Jacob. and now Rachel had the baby AND Jacob...so she felt that she was the winner.

to make a long story short...Rachel's happiness didn't come until she had it all. But she was so miserable with her life because she was hurt and angry at her father and her sister that she missed out on her life. instead of enjoying what she was blessed with, Rachel complained her life away. not only that, but she was also a liar and a deciever herself--she let her anger and emotions get the best of her and basically ruin who she was, and that directly lead to her death. Leah remained faithful and loyal despite not having her hearts content...and guess what? Leah lived the longest life, had the most children AND she was buried with Abraham and Sarah. and rumor has it that Jacob eventually began to notice and become affectionate with Leah. Leah worked with what she had and thanked God for it, even if she had to share, even if she got the short end of the stick. Rachel only had two children, died at a young age while delivering the second baby, and was buried on the side of a road...away from her ancestors. she was miserable and unhappy because she didn't have it all. she was in constant competition with her sister (even though a man having multiple wives during this time was normal), always bickering, and at one time she and Jacob weren't on speaking terms because she was so miserable acting.

for a minute there, i was Rachel. instead of being happy with what i have and working with it, i complained and groped. i saw myself in Rachel...having love, having health, having this and that--but still being miserable because of what i don't have. for Rachel it was children and her husband to herself. for me, it's not having money and time to myself. but there are so many things i do have. i need to be grateful like Leah was...take what i have and work with it. because there are so many people that don't have it.

so i thank God for taking me to that story of Rachel and Leah...because i see that i do have alot and it could be worse.

i won't complain. and i feel like a heel for complaining as much as i did. my children, God, my extended family--really didn't deserve it. and i apologize to them.

and as a sidenote--check out this link:

http://www.slaveshiptrouvadore.com/

this is an amazing story. i am big on history and culture in my older age--especially multicultural relationships, slavery and spanish culture. so this is right up my alley. how amazing a find they have...and what a story. enjoy!

looking for fleas.

^Baby during one of her better moments. the cotton rag around her neck was to protect it from the elements and the collar...it was red and raw from mange, and during that time i was exercising her more often to get rid of 15 lbs of excess puppy weight!

about three years ago as i was driving to go to the store i red nosed pit bull tied to a gate, bloody, cold and hungry. it just so happened that the gate was across the street from my front door. as i drove past, i noticed the dog looked like it was waiting--patiently--for someone to come get it. figuring it must have an owner, i kept driving, but a nagging in the back of my mind prompted me to say to myself, "if it's not gone by the time i come back, i'll have to untie it."

well as it happens to be, because God seems to want me as keeper of all things needing TLC, when i got back from the store, the dog was still there, patiently waiting. i pulled over, and 6 months pregnant and wobbling...i cautiously approached the dog, noticing that it was a she and her bloodiness was not only worse than i thought, but her attitude was better than i expected. she eagerly wagged her tail at me and tried to trot on over to me, but the rope tied around her neck prevented her from taking more than a few steps.

when i realized not only was she not going to bite me, but that she appeared grateful to have me there--it dawned on me that her owner was NOT coming back for her. so i took off my gloves (it was about 11 degrees outside) and i tried to untie the knot--but it was done tight. so after at least 5 minutes of trying, i realized i couldn't get the knot undone and it was cold and i was feeling every inch of the weather. a passerby saw me struggling and she offered to help me--and for the next 10 minutes, we both struggled in the freezing cold to untie the dog.

finally we got it undone and we reviewed her injuries. to me they looked horrible, but that probably was because i was pregnant and especially sensitive to anything that looked uncomfortable. the woman asked me if i was going to try to help the dog, because she would if she could but she had no where to take her. i told her i'd take her in my house.

that was the beginning of my and the girls relationship with Baby--a red nosed badly bred but heart of gold pit bull.

now, three years later, Baby's mange, which was the cause of her distress and more than likely her owners disposal of her--is not any better. it has it's up and down (mostly down) moments and i noticed that now, she's not as positively effected by medications that she's taking for it. it's bad enough that my already badly strained pockets can't afford another bill, but what makes it worse is that i can't afford her already marked down medications (the vet marked the prices down from 130.00 a shot 2 times a month to 50.00 a dose once a day--30 day supply for me--and that is CHEAP). so i am struggling with her, badly. i wish i had a constant supply of the medicine, but because her mange (which is demodex) is so bad, he's afraid that it will be a lifetime illness, meaning a lifetime of medication.

that has me stressed.

last summer was one of Baby's better moments--she actually had about 17 fleas that nested on her. now while most pet owners despise the little nasty buggers that sap the life and blood from animals worldwide, for Baby, the presence of fleas was a great thing! she was so sick and so bad off that neither fleas nor ticks would come close to her...it was a mixture of the medication and the sickness and the stinch probably...but last summer 17 very brave little fleas decided that they would land on her and suck her blood. this summer, not a single flea is in sight...letting me know that they just don't find her appealing. letting me know that she's having a bad turn of events.

i'm still struggling with her illness--it's very bad. but it has humbled her and made her into one of the most loyal and loving dogs i have ever seen. she has a heart of gold and she smiles at the camera for pictures, despite being in pain. her vet said, "she's more even tempered than even the best pits i've seen. to be in so much pain and not so much as growl--wow what a dog!"

at one time i tried to put her down, but i couldn't bring it in my heart to do it. that was two years ago, and i still haven't done it, because of how much the kids love her, how much i love her, how much it would break us up inside to put her to sleep.

i've been through so much with this dog, i've had to pray over and for her because sometimes she gets so sick she'll stop eating and peeing...and then i feel guilty for even keeping her alive. but even if i wanted to--i can't afford the cost of putting her down. and i don't know if i could ever do that. so right now, yes i am being stingy and selfish in keeping her alive...but it's my only option as far as i can see.

she just had a bath and she's feeling much better. her skin isn't doing too good and we have no medication. when she dries completely i'll take her for a short stroll (she gets exhausted super easily and i don't like to add any extra stress on her), and i'll try to scrape her up a bone for her good attitude.

but unfortunately, there are no fleas this summer.

whoa.

well, i did it. i finally redid my resume for posting up for small part time jobs. i am going to continue on with my body care business, but i am running out of money pretty quickly and will need to supplement my income soon, because i can't continue to support the entire household, including the animals and hubby AND do a business of this small income, which is actually nearing it's end within the next 90 days.

so here i am. looking for a small part time job. the minimum i can afford to take is 12.00 an hour, my last job paid almost 20.00 an hour...so for me to go down to like 10.00 an hour for the same work won't happen. i am just looking for a part time gig that is paying me at least 15.00 an hour if it is a degree required job. because of the way my lifestyle and household is set up, making over 25k but under 45k per year will be disasterous for me. i need to make either under 25k or over 45k to really be alright. wierd i know, but true.

i will continue to tweak my resume for potential job offers as neccessary. i am also forwarding my resume to an old coworker as she is the director of a daycare center in town that may seek to hire soon. either way, she's a great person and contact to have on my side.

we'll see how this works out. i am soooooooooo not wanting to go back to work. but 4 hours out of my day, i can do. i don't mind that at all.

my old job.

i've always likened myself to the old fashioned housewife: i am perfectly happy barefoot, pregnant, and nursing twins while my husband works to bring home the bacon so i can fry it up in a pan. i love catering to him, love being the woman that he knows will have his food ready, his bath hot, his bed made, and his twat clean. i am not a feminist and i believe that beyond being treated with respect, most women need to shut the hell up and get back into their homes so they can raise their kids properly.

BUT, i have to say...i miss my old job. i miss it with a passion. i only worked 15 hours a week (which was beyond enough for me), but i made 20.00 an hour, so it sort of worked out pretty well...i had enough money to pay the monthly bills with (surprisingly -- yes i did. i am THAT frugal). and i had coworkers (all female), that i could actually not only stand, but wouldn't mind going out with after work. i never would have thought i'd ever say "i miss working" (because i despise working 40 hours a week for anyone else, i dread waking up in the mornings to leave the comfort of my home and family to stare someone else in the face, and i hate work clothes...i'd much rather be making my children breakfast, ironing my hubby's clothing, and vacuuming the carpets), but here i am saying it. i miss my old job, i miss my old clients, i miss my boss. i miss my sunny office and my printer. i miss it all. i even miss my sickening supervisor, who was miserable and did her very best to make us all miserable at every waking chance she got. i wish i could give her a hug.

i wish i could go back to work. just for those 15 hours a week.

of things related and unrelated - 6/12/08

today was a much better day overall than yesterday. it was cooler, my attitude was better, and i was calmer. i thank God for answering my prayer for more patience. today i seemed to be full of it.

what goes around comes around. my sister took me to fredericks of hollywood and brought me 2 bras for 30.00 (they are having a huge sale). i have been eyeing these bras for about three days now but didn't have the money. God is good for small blessings, one of the reasons i love Him so much.

i feel that i need to be sterner on my children. they get away with things they shouldn't. when i questioned my parenting skills however, my hubby was sure to let me know in no uncertain terms that i am not a bad mother.

i am REALLY feeling lil wayne's songs lately. i am not into the whole "hard rap" thing, but he really has my head bopping and my fingers snapping. he's also making me laugh. i am really considering buying his cd. i love everything he's coming out with thus far.

my friend had an accident and crashed her van, which gets us 80 miles round trip to and from visitation using less than 1/4 of a tank of gas (a miracle). just when i think that we have a "set routine" for this prison lifestyle, it changes.

i really cannot afford 20.00 for this chinese food that we ordered. but what the hey. my kids and i deserve a treat every now and then. i hope it is as good as it sounds.

i have to buy diapers, overnight underwear, and carpet cleaner tomorrow. that should run me about 35.00. i also have to buy the dog her medication, which also will run me 35.00. that is 70.00 right there. money goes so quickly, it makes no sense.

i really love donnie mcclurkin. his songs speak right to my heart. i so love him. i thank God for him. he has gotten me through some days where i honestly thought i couldn't go any further.

i am feeling sprint. i got four free ringtones today, just for browsing the site. how cool is that? i downloaded mary j. blige, lil wayne, plies, and rick ross. yay.

i am considering investing 70.00 that i do not have for an entire body girdle that is supposed to help you lose 2 full dress sizes as soon as you put it on. i met a woman today who says they actually work. i wonder if anyone else has had experience with this.

i really do love my life. despite all it's bumps and ups and downs, God is so good to me. thank You Jesus.