a late night laugh!

while reading the field negro's blog, i came across this picture, and honestly, it had me CRACKING up. i love it! lmao. i love reverend wright too. obama is growing on me...but he still has a ways to go. i am just so questionable about politics period that ANYONE running for president or anything else would get a bunch of scrutiny from me. but man oh man...this picture just sums up everything i'm sure obama was thinking when reverend wright was giving his speeches. i'm cracking up at that fricking tape across his mouth LOL.

i just might go out and vote after all! if i do...i'll vote for obama, and think about this picture LOL.

buyer's remorse.

ugh...i am SO having buyer's remorse now. the itch to get on that stupid treadmill is bigger than ever...but *sigh* alas, i spent the money on those dumb pills!

grr. i shouldn't have done that.

"instead of complaining when there's so much to do, do it, so you can enjoy the times when there isn't much to do." ~me

the rain.

today i am super busy. as it happens to be, alot of the business that i have to take care of (mainly house chores), needs to be done outside of the house. so i'm in the laundromat drying clothes, and it's beautiful outside. suddenly, it starts to pour...no problem. it will pass.

well after 15 minutes, it didn't pass, and i was done with that load of clothing. running short on time for the other chores, i make a mad dash for the car (which isn't so mad with 3 loads of neatly folded clothes!)...i get help from a nice lady, but we both get semi soaked in the process (miraculously she threw her umbrella over my clothing so they were spared). i laughed it off, thanked her, and got into the van and pulled off. i turn the corner, and the rain stops. ok...

next stop is the hair store so i can pick up some bows and barettes for the kids. i get out the car, it's starting to rain again, i get sploshed with a few drops, not an issue...i make it in, and as i am looking through the bows to pick pretty ones, the rain comes down again...storming! fine...i just got wet, a little more water won't hurt me. so i pay for my purchase, and the cashier tells me in her heavily accented asian voice, "no get wet out! no get wet!" i laugh, tell her i won't, and make another mad dash for the car (this time it was mad). i get in, even more wet, but smiling at my mad dash. as i pull out of the lot...lo and behold...the rain stops. ok...

next stop is back home to pick up diapers for the baby. it's storming as i pull in front of the door. ok. do i want to get out, make a mad dash? or do i want to wait for it to stop? it's pouring down so hard i can't see outside of the car windows. and i have a sore throat. ok fine. i'll wait three minutes, it should stop, since it's been stopping and starting all day...and when it lightens, another mad dash to the house!

my plans were foiled as three minutes ticked by and the rain got WORSE, not better. "fine" i sighed...that mad dash will have to be a super mad dash because it is REALLY wet! fineeeeee. i jump out, keys in hand, house key ready to attack the door...and....MAD DASH! i almost trip, i can barely see, and the rain is POUNDING on my head! i make it to the door, slam the key into the lock, twist hard, and twist, drip, and pant my way over the threshold. i'm soaked!

not an issue, it's just water. my mood is surprisingly light over all of this. as i wipe off my feet to walk over the carpet, i hear the rain lighten up suddenly. i go over to the window and peek through the blind. the rain suddenly stops, and the sun blares through the clouds, a ray coming to a halt right at my chest. not even 30 seconds after that last dash, the rain stops, the sun is out.

i smile and thank God for the day, and the joke. the game the rain played with me helped me to realize...i sometimes take life WAY too seriously.

"imagination is more important than knowledge." ~albert einstein

this is one reason why i love kanye west.

Man I promise, I'm so self conscious
That's why you always see me with at least one of my watches
Rollies and Pasha's done drove me crazy
I can't even pronounce nothing, pass that versaysee!
Then I spent 400 bucks on this
Just to be like nigga you ain't up on this!
And I can't even go to the grocery store
Without some ones thats clean and a shirt with a team
It seems we living 'the american dream'
But the people highest up got the lowest self esteem
The prettiest people do the ugliest things
For the road to riches and diamond rings
We shine because they hate us, floss cause they degrade us
We trying to buy back our 40 acres
And for that paper look how low we'll stoop
Even if you in a benz, you still a nigga in a coupe

I say fuck the police, thats how I treat em
We buy our way out of jail, but we can't buy freedom
We'll buy a lot of clothes when we don't really need em
Things we buy to cover up what's inside
Cause they make us hate ourself and love they wealth
That's why shortys hollering "where the ballas' at?"
Drug dealer buy Jordans, crackhead buy crack
And a white man get paid off of all of that

But I ain't even gon act holier than thou
Cause fuck it, I went to Jacob with 25 thou
Before I had a house and I'd do it again
Cause I wanna be on 106 and Park pushing a Benz
I wanna act ballerific like it's all terrific
I got a couple past due bills, I won't get specific
I got a problem with spending before I get it
We all self conscious, I'm just the first to admit it

~kanye west

well. i should have listened.

i was debating two weeks ago whether or not i wanted to take my last 100.00 and purchase a new gym card OR go to a weight loss specialist, who would prescribe me medication to lose weight.

as most people who know me know, i am, and have been, struggling to lose 30-40 pounds for a LONG time. whenever i do lose it, some life change happens (usually i get pregnant!) and i gain it back after the baby. well now, i've decided that i want to get rid of it ONCE and for ALL...which brought me to the major decision--gym membership or doctor?

i prayed on it, and asked God to lead me in the right direction. then i fell asleep. when i woke up the next day, i was having a feeling (no doubt an answer from God), that i should purchase the gym membership, and lose weight the "right" way. considering that i am clinically "obese", but it does not cause me any health problems, and with MORE determination 30 lbs is NOT alot to lose, i had been having the feeling that drugs weren't neccessary.

so i had my "answer", but me being human and deciding that i didn't want to listen to my heart, my mind, and most of all, God, but instead be human...decided to ignore all of my good judgement and prayer requests and go to the doctor.

so i took my last bit of money, and off i went to the doctor. everything went well...he gave me the prescription, a diet plan, a colon cleanser, and an appointment for next month. fine, right?

well, not quite.

the next day while going to pick up my meds, to my (not really) surprise, i found out that my insurance didn't cover one of the medications he prescribed me. that wasn't a surprise because i know my insurance HMO, have been with them for years, and i knew that they probably *weren't* going to cover any medications for weight loss *unless* the doctor confirmed with the company that the medications were a *major* neccessity to my health. well i knew this doctor probably was not going to do that for two reasons: 1. i am a brand new patient there and 2. i paid out of pocket for him, he is not even in my HMO doctor coverage area! so i'm screwed in that sense--one of the meds--phentermine--i had to purchase out of pocket.

not so bad, right? right. i've purchased meds out of pocket before.

so...i tell the pharmacist that i want to purchase the medication that wasn't covered by insurance. fine. she tells me that it would be 75.00*gawk*!! now i was NOT expecting it to be so much. already i spent 80.00 on the doctor, 15.00 getting to him, and now 75.00 on the medication that insurance didn't cover? that was a *lot* for 30 measly pounds! but...this would make my life easier, right? right.

hesitantly i tell her that i wasn't so sure if i was going to be able to continue to refill at such a high price. "well we offer a generic for adipex!" she quips. GREAT! she SO solved an issue for me. i know generics are usually up to 50% cheaper than brand names, and they work just as well! so i ask her how much it is for the generic. "34.99!" she pipes.

i LOVE it. i can afford 35.00 a month for this stuff, and from what i hear...it will only take me about 3 months to lose the weight! i might be my goal weight by the end of the summer...woohoo! i SO did the right thing by following my secular side on this one *teehee*.

fine. so i tell her i'll take that one instead. one more hour wait while they redo my prescription (lucky my doctor didn't check "no substitutions allowed" eh?? *wink*). i get my medication...at last! the fun begins!

or so i think.

i take the pill when i get home, as i am supposed to. i follow it up with the other pill, bumex...a diuretic, as i am supposed to. within 15 minutes, i'm using the bathroom and i feel like i've released a bucket of sea water into a huge ocean. great...it's working already! another 15 minutes, i go again...another...i go again! by that afternoon, i KNOW i've lost 4 pounds in water weight alone! i don't feel any negative side effects, i'm good, i'm gonna lose weight, life is grand...

the next day, i wake up and do my little routine...two pills and lots of water...then a bit of breakfast. i notice that i am not very hungry...blah! so i nibble here and there. even better. the meds are working.

by that afternoon, i'm peeing and not hungry at all...gooooood. but i notice when i run up the stairs...i'm tired. i mean. TIRED. and shaky. ugh. and out of breath...like i really did something. so i go on with my day. i reach up to get some tuna for the kids from the cabinet...i'm out of breath. i bend over to pick up a toy...i'm out of breath. *sigh* ok. this stuff...maybe it's a first few days use side effect?

the next day, i take my pills as usual, and drink the colon cleanser. i'm not too hungry, but i could eat. i noticed that although the meds don't get rid of my apetite completely because i am hungry normally, i am not AS hungry and i get full quickly. that's great. i go outside. it's especially hot. after a few minutes in the heat, i notice my heart is POUNDING against my rib cage like it wants to run away from me! i go back in and sit in the cool air. my heart calms down. i go back out into the heat...a few minutes later, sure enough...my heart is marathon running, i can feel my ribs moving out of the way! ok...not cool. i go back in, sit down, my heart beat returns to normal. i go upstairs...out of breath. go take a shower...out of breath while i'm washing up! this isn't cool. not only that...but i notice now a LUMP in my throat. that dang colon stuff. ugh. fine...tomorrow i won't take it, i decide. that night...the lump in my throat dissipates, and my sleep is good.

so the next day...NO colon cleanser, but i have a good poo! that's great because i haven't gone since taking that phentermine pills i noticed. i take my pills, and say i'll give it one more chance. maybe i was just having some flukie side effects. after a few minutes, i realize i don't have to peepee like the last few days. maybe my body is getting to it's excess water limit? who knows. but i notice that my throat lump is back after about an hour. and it's bigger than it was yesterday. ugh. now i'm getting agitated. i look at the side effects on my pill information phamplets. nowhere does it say, "lumpy throat" or "rapid heart beat". so...what gives? i look online...nowhere can i find any of those side effects either for the medicines!

this is gonna take some sleuthing! i go to my sleuth partner in crime, and together we decide to get to the bottom of this. by now, the lump in my throat is so large i can barely swallow. i can breathe, but i can't swallow. and it's starting to ache.

i come to a site called phentermine.com, and i flip vigorously throught the forums until i come across another woman who is having the same issues as me. come to find out...it's an allergic reaction. my throat is swelling shut because i am allergic to phentermine, or a compound IN it. *sigh* great, just fricking great. not only that, but my heart beat is racing because of it. ugh.

now i am looking at these pills...all of that money and work, BLOWN. *sigh*...almost 150.00 for nothing. i could have spent half of that and gotten my new gym card, and lost the same amount of weight in a week...2 lbs (what i lost on the phentermine)...by exercising. so my money, time, energy, hopes...wasted. i can't take the medicines because i am allergic to them. i have to pay out of pocket for some of them, and that specialist isn't covered under my insurance. i still have the lump in my throat. it's considerably smaller, but it's there still. i also haven't had a decent poo in days.

my hubby says it's ok...we all learn what we should know SOME way or another. he also tells me that i better not swallow another pill until i get to a doctor...which i had better be getting to in the morning.

i guess He let me learn my lesson the hard way.

i SO should have listened the first time around. next time i will.

a new take on circumcision (pt. 2).

after reading a comment posted in my blog from a man who is against circumcision, i decided to do some research (as always)...and this is what i have found to be the most ACCURATE, UNBIASED research from the federal government, not from yay or naysayers either way...and i am going to follow this. it was stated in the comment that 97% of Christians are not circumcised...i have not found proof for or against that data, but it doesn't sound accurate to me. in another blog i also read that only 15% of men in the world are now circumcised. i also find that hard to believe. so...this is what the federal government has to say about it:

"Circumcision is the surgical removal of foreskin from the penis of an infant boy. The operation is usually performed for cultural, religious, or cosmetic reasons rather than for medical reasons. Some organizations, including the American Academy of Pediatrics, maintain there is insufficient evidence that routine circumcision is medically necessary. However, there is research suggesting that some health benefits may be gained, including a slightly decreased risk of developing penile cancer, a lower chance of urinary tract infections in newborns, and a potentially lessened risk of HIV transmission.
AHRQ's new report is an analysis of hospital-based circumcisions in 2005. Among its findings:

-- In the West, only 31 percent of newborn boys were circumcised in hospitals in 2005. That compares with 75 percent in the Midwest, 65 percent in the Northeast, and 56 percent in the South. Factors influencing circumcision rates may include insurance coverage and immigration from Latin America and other areas where circumcision is less common.

-- Nationwide, about 56 percent of newborn boys—1.2 million infants—were circumcised. The national rate has remained relatively stable for a decade. It peaked at 65 percent in 1980.

--About 60 percent of circumcisions were billed to private insurance, 31 percent were billed to Medicaid, nearly 3 percent were charged to other public programs, and about 4 percent were uninsured. " ~ Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality (a division of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)

now, i am all for every parent making their own decision about the matter. just thought that i would clear up a few questions for myself. i have read repeatedly that circumcision results in more protection from HIV. it undoubtedly looks better according to many, i read that about 65% of women prefer uncircumcised penises (i know i do...read about women and sexual preference concerning circumcision here), and there is the penile cancer issue. i know that my father had to be circumcised in his mid 60's for medical neccessity. we had to take turns going to his house to make sure that he had help completing certain tasks. this is also a pretty cool article, which gives reasons why circumcision may be a favorable choice in males.

my decision still remains the same for my unborn child, and the reasons for it are still the same. just thought that i would note what i found while looking for ACCURATE information on the subject.

a new take on circumcision.

today i was on one of my favorite sites, gotquestions.org, and i was randomly reading questions and answers, and i came across this:

"Question: "What does the Bible say about circumcision? What is the Christian view of circumcision?"

Answer: There are different issues that are wrapped up in the question of whether males should be circumcised or not. One issue is that of religious teaching: what does the Bible, God’s Word, say? Another issue is: as a matter of health, should males be circumcised?Concerning the first issue, since we are no longer under the Old Testament Law as Christians, circumcision is no longer required. This is brought out in a number of New Testament passages, among which are the following: Acts 15; Galatians 2:1-3; 5:1-11; 6:11-16; 1 Corinthians 7:17-20; Colossians 2:8-12; Philippians 3:1-3. As these passages bring out, being saved from our sins is received through trusting in Christ to save us from our sins, and it is this act of turning from our sin and self-righteousness and turning instead to reliance upon Christ’s finished work on the cross that makes us “circumcised of heart” and that the works of the flesh accomplish nothing.In Acts 16:3, Paul had a missionary helper, Timothy, circumcised so that his being uncircumcised would not be a hindrance to them as they sought to reach out to the unsaved Jews on their missionary journeys. Thus, although the Bible gives Gentile (non-Jewish) believers the liberty of not being circumcised, it was a liberty that Timothy was willing to give up for the sake of reaching out to unsaved Jews. However, as the passages in Galatians bring out, Paul refused to compromise the issue with those who said that one must be circumcised in order to be either saved or sanctified in Christ.There are practical issues involved with circumcision as well. Some parents have their sons circumcised so that they will look like all the other males in their culture. Some parents are concerned that their son would someday be in a locker room and find themselves different from everyone else. In some cultures, though, males are not commonly circumcised. There is also the issue of health. Doctors debate back and forth in regard to whether there are any health benefits to circumcision. Any couple with such concerns should definitely speak with a doctor in regards to this issue." ~gotquestions.org

now, with the circumcision issue, i am all for whatever parents want to do, but i have to admit, i get irked by the "anti circumcising parents" that try to force their beliefs of how cruel and unusual circumcision is to a child down the throat anyone willing to listen (it reminds me of those picketers that line the front of abortion clinics with building size images of mutilated fetuses). in my opinion, it is no more cruel or unusual to circumcise a child than it is to get immunizations, or put an infant to sleep in a room across the house in a cold crib and then paddle back to a warm bed with the comfort and closeness of another, or allow a toddler to scream herself to sleep for days, sometimes weeks straight in an attempt to get her to sleep alone. and at the end of the day, the decision of whether or not to circumcise is as unique as the decision of naming the baby.

with that being said, my husband and i have always decided that if we were to have a son, we would have him circumcised. for me, once again, it was a religious belief that i had never updated myself on, for him, it was a health issue. he decided that he did not want our son to go through the issues with hygeine that he saw the youngsters in his family go through with being uncircumcised, and he also wants our son to "look" like him, and i decided that it would be symbolic of our religion to circumcise our son. when we thought that our youngest was a boy, i thought about us performing a ceremony much like a brit, but more in tune with our religious beliefs (we wouldn't have used a Rabbi or Jewish doctor neccessarily--but would have picked another Christian doctor to perform the circumcision). since we had a daughter, that was unneccessary (but i am still hanging onto that idea as we have decided that we would like to try for a son before our youngest one's fifth birthday). we have still maintained that if we have a son, he will be circumcised, even though i have learned (and will share with him) that it is no longer "neccessary" to circumcise him as a symbol of keeping our covenant with God.

Congratulations, mama's baby!

today my middle baby graduated from kindergarten! i am so proud of her...she graduated with the highest honors in her class. yes, yes, yes...i am the gloating mommy!

whoa.

well, i did it. i finally redid my resume for posting up for small part time jobs. i am going to continue on with my body care business, but i am running out of money pretty quickly and will need to supplement my income soon, because i can't continue to support the entire household, including the animals and hubby AND do a business of this small income, which is actually nearing it's end within the next 90 days.

so here i am. looking for a small part time job. the minimum i can afford to take is 12.00 an hour, my last job paid almost 20.00 an hour...so for me to go down to like 10.00 an hour for the same work won't happen. i am just looking for a part time gig that is paying me at least 15.00 an hour if it is a degree required job. because of the way my lifestyle and household is set up, making over 25k but under 45k per year will be disasterous for me. i need to make either under 25k or over 45k to really be alright. wierd i know, but true.

i will continue to tweak my resume for potential job offers as neccessary. i am also forwarding my resume to an old coworker as she is the director of a daycare center in town that may seek to hire soon. either way, she's a great person and contact to have on my side.

we'll see how this works out. i am soooooooooo not wanting to go back to work. but 4 hours out of my day, i can do. i don't mind that at all.

my old job.

i've always likened myself to the old fashioned housewife: i am perfectly happy barefoot, pregnant, and nursing twins while my husband works to bring home the bacon so i can fry it up in a pan. i love catering to him, love being the woman that he knows will have his food ready, his bath hot, his bed made, and his twat clean. i am not a feminist and i believe that beyond being treated with respect, most women need to shut the hell up and get back into their homes so they can raise their kids properly.

BUT, i have to say...i miss my old job. i miss it with a passion. i only worked 15 hours a week (which was beyond enough for me), but i made 20.00 an hour, so it sort of worked out pretty well...i had enough money to pay the monthly bills with (surprisingly -- yes i did. i am THAT frugal). and i had coworkers (all female), that i could actually not only stand, but wouldn't mind going out with after work. i never would have thought i'd ever say "i miss working" (because i despise working 40 hours a week for anyone else, i dread waking up in the mornings to leave the comfort of my home and family to stare someone else in the face, and i hate work clothes...i'd much rather be making my children breakfast, ironing my hubby's clothing, and vacuuming the carpets), but here i am saying it. i miss my old job, i miss my old clients, i miss my boss. i miss my sunny office and my printer. i miss it all. i even miss my sickening supervisor, who was miserable and did her very best to make us all miserable at every waking chance she got. i wish i could give her a hug.

i wish i could go back to work. just for those 15 hours a week.

a few small comparisons.

i've decided to keep a list of some purchases that i've made over the last year, and the cost of the item brand new when it first came out, or currently. this will hopefully encourage others to bargain shop and i know it will encourage me to continue. the new price is what i have googled and it's current cost. the price in parenthesis is the retail value of the product when it first hit the market. my price is the actual amount i paid for it (including any shipping and handling):

kodak easyshare c340 5.0 megapixel digital camera - new: 85.00 (250.00). my price: 37.00.

bissel proheat carpet cleaner - new: 199.00 (199.00). my price: 110.00.

brother mfc210 4 in 1 printer - new: 122.00 (250.00). my price: 50.00.

skin of color: a comprehensive guide to african american...(book) - new: 24.00 (24.00). my price: 1.00

huggies baby wipes - 80 ct. 2.99 (2.99). my price: 0.75

lady speed stick 24/7 deodorant - 3.49 (3.49). my price: 0.03

colgate toothpaste - 3.49 (3.49). my price: 0.03

colgate manual toothbrush - 1.25 (3.00). my price: 0.03

dell inspiron e1505 - 600.00 (1,700.00). my price: 500.00 (this was when it was valued at 1,700.00--i got it at 2 months old).

my entertainment center - 275.00 (450.00). my price: 150.00

my recliner - ?? (875.00 new) my price: 200.00 (it was brand new when i got it)

my loveseat - ?? (900.00 new) my price: 100.00 (it was nearly brand new when i got it).

these are just some of the things i got or get on a daily basis...i know there's a ton of other things. i am currently eyeing the brand new 1,900.00 kirby on ebay for 399.00...i may go on and splurge. that thing is truly worth it!

of things related and unrelated - 6/12/08

today was a much better day overall than yesterday. it was cooler, my attitude was better, and i was calmer. i thank God for answering my prayer for more patience. today i seemed to be full of it.

what goes around comes around. my sister took me to fredericks of hollywood and brought me 2 bras for 30.00 (they are having a huge sale). i have been eyeing these bras for about three days now but didn't have the money. God is good for small blessings, one of the reasons i love Him so much.

i feel that i need to be sterner on my children. they get away with things they shouldn't. when i questioned my parenting skills however, my hubby was sure to let me know in no uncertain terms that i am not a bad mother.

i am REALLY feeling lil wayne's songs lately. i am not into the whole "hard rap" thing, but he really has my head bopping and my fingers snapping. he's also making me laugh. i am really considering buying his cd. i love everything he's coming out with thus far.

my friend had an accident and crashed her van, which gets us 80 miles round trip to and from visitation using less than 1/4 of a tank of gas (a miracle). just when i think that we have a "set routine" for this prison lifestyle, it changes.

i really cannot afford 20.00 for this chinese food that we ordered. but what the hey. my kids and i deserve a treat every now and then. i hope it is as good as it sounds.

i have to buy diapers, overnight underwear, and carpet cleaner tomorrow. that should run me about 35.00. i also have to buy the dog her medication, which also will run me 35.00. that is 70.00 right there. money goes so quickly, it makes no sense.

i really love donnie mcclurkin. his songs speak right to my heart. i so love him. i thank God for him. he has gotten me through some days where i honestly thought i couldn't go any further.

i am feeling sprint. i got four free ringtones today, just for browsing the site. how cool is that? i downloaded mary j. blige, lil wayne, plies, and rick ross. yay.

i am considering investing 70.00 that i do not have for an entire body girdle that is supposed to help you lose 2 full dress sizes as soon as you put it on. i met a woman today who says they actually work. i wonder if anyone else has had experience with this.

i really do love my life. despite all it's bumps and ups and downs, God is so good to me. thank You Jesus.

argh.

i was having a pretty good day until the kids (and my nephew) came home...and now i feel overwhelmed. my hubby has been calling me, and ugh. i screwed up with that. he wouldn't call, i would have the phone by me. he would call, for some odd reason or another, the phone wouldn't be by me. i know he is pissed. the dog is sick, she is really having a bad episode of the itches. her skin is raw and her face looks like she got into a horrible fight. it is so hard to get her medicine and it is so hard for me to put her to sleep. i am still struggling with that. the kids are downstairs arguing over a hot dog. i gave everyone one...but...seems like one apiece wasn't enough. the baby is in tears, my oldest daughter is extremely loud, the middle girl is begging for everything she sees, and my nephew is just being a boy. i had a great day with a friend that i met online, and it just seems like everything came crashing down at once.

i want to go to sleep. i am so upset, i just want to sleep away the rest of this day. but something is telling me that if i close my eyes, the house will probably go up in flames.

my locs and me.

while playing in my own short, kinky, and oh-so-growing-on-me (both literally and figuratively) dreds, i came across some super cool sites with pictures and stories about other people and their dreds! some that really caught my eye are this one, this one, and this one.

some of the things that surprised me the most since i have started to let my hair loc is:

1. how SOFT my hair is. my hubby will run his hands through it, and i'll follow him, and we'll both smile at how soft, pliable, and bouncy my hair is. growing up, i always viewed my hair as abrasive, rough, and akin to a metal scouring pad. but growing it out and keeping it oiled has taught me that it's simply strong, thick, and soft! i LOVE playing in my hair (which is probably why they constantly untwist at the roots -- ugh!).

2. how strong it is. i can give my hair a nice hard TUG now (good for when Papi comes home!) and i am not worried about losing a single strand.

3. how much i love my hair. i NEVER would have thought in a million years that i would have loc'ed, and loved, my hair! my mom had been trying for YEARS to get me to loc my hair, but i just was not having it. now i am kicking myself in the butt because i should have let her do it then! on the flipside to that, growing my locs thus far has been a liberating, educating, and enjoyable experience...one that i probably would have missed out on had my hair been loc'ed from a very young age.

starting my locs was almost as enjoyable as it is to have them. they are only two months old (today, as a matter of fact), but already about 35-40% of my hair is knotted in the middle of each twist, meaning that either they will not untwist now or i would have to rip out much of my hair to get them to untwist. in the very back, where the hair is the shortest, i have already grown about 4-5 locs :).
instead of going the professional route and having something so personal to me done by a complete stranger (and i am NOT saying that it is wrong to go to a professional to begin or maintain locs--as a matter of fact i believe that the pros make some of the prettiest locs out there!), i opted to go the personal route and have my mother start my locs. to me, even though there is no definite size and shape to my locs (they are various sizes and the parts are every which way--some locs are square parted, some are triangular, some are rectangular, and there are a few that don't even HAVE definite parts), they are beautiful. i know that long from now, when i am older and my children have children, i will be able to say that my mother started my locs. thus meaning, i will always have something very personal and from my mother attached to my body, literally.
i am so happy that my husband has grown not only to accept, but to love my hair too. when my mom first started them, they were messy and puffy and hmm...just everywhere. she explained to me that everyone's locs go through an "ugly stage", where for a time, you just want to cut the things out because they are butt ugly. well, thank goodness my ugly stage (to me) was short lived (for about two weeks i thought they were just oogly and it was NOT gonna work but i held on), because in two short months i am learning what they like and do not like, and i am actually taming them :) my husband, because he loves me, accepted that i wanted locs, but he was VERY ignorant to what locs are, how they are maintained, and how they grow and what they symbolize for some people. he actually believed that only gang members and marajuana smokers got locs, that they held dirt and stunk to high heaven when they got wet, that they were nasty and felt like a thick mat on the head, and that they would not be cute on me. i attribute his ignorance to the many things, including the facts that he has not spent enough time around people with locs to know any better, his past history with prison and the fact that many of his "enemies" just happened to be black with locs, and his culture (most white and latino people do not loc their hair). but as i said, because he loves me, he just rolled with the punches and said, "baby, i don't care if you cut your hair ALL off, i will love you just the same." and i was silently praying that loc'ing my hair was a good idea because God knows that although i am an individual, i want to please my husband as well. well...two months later my prayers were answered because i went to visit last week and my hubby tugged gently on my hair and said, "i am growing to love your hair baby."
so, that's it for the day about my locs and me. just wanted to share :)

"i am too blessed to be stressed and too annointed to be disappointed!"

thank you Ravyn, for that wonderful quote (i was reading your blog) :) amen sister!

momming is not easy.

it is eight o'clock in the morning and my daughters just came in from an "extended" vacation to their aunts house. now i have been very concious of being a bit more gentle with my oldest daughter, who has a slight learning disability i believe (i am also trying to get her tested, but that is proving to be VERY difficult, even with her regular pediatricians!). i have been praying over this, because i want to be remembered by my children as being a good mother, not a horrible one. sometimes it is SO difficult though when i have to repeat things to her five times in a row, or when she deliberately disobeys me simply because she doesn't want to be bothered, or when i hear her sucking in her breath and muttering little smart phrases under her tongue. she is eight years old and i am just NOT having that. and the physical absence of their dad proves to be even more difficult, as he is very gentle with the kids but stern and they follow his command like a sunflower turning to the sun. i can admit that i have been getting better with her but not better enough, and it is my fear that she will grow up thinking i love her sisters more than her. so as i mentioned, i have been more concious about this effort and i have been paying my own emotional responses to her alot more attention.

this morning they came home from their extended vacation, my eight year old banging on the door so hard she scared me and my six year old frowned up because she wanted to stay with her aunt for one more day. so i went to open the door and i DID snap, "d WHY are you banging on the door like that?!" to which she just sat there, angry and the look of sleep clouding her face. talk about a thunder cloud over the head. so for the next twenty minutes, i fussed with her because she wanted to go to school but didn't want to bathe, wanted to go to school but didn't want to eat breakfast, wanted to go to school but didn't want to put on the proper shoes.

finally, something happened. God knows my heart, so i suppose He just came on down and intervened. right before she left for school, both of our attitudes changed. i told her that i loved her, and she smiled a bright smile. she went down and ate breakfast and came back up, washed her face without having to be told, and straightened herself out for me to see. usually the huge water stain on the middle of her shirt would have bugged me, but today, it didn't matter. it's 98 degrees outside -- the stain would dry in no time. i was at peace with my baby girl, and with myself. as we drove her and the smallest baby to school (my middle baby has a day off to spend at home and with me), my heart was smiling. d jumped out the car, and i called, "i love you!" to her...she turned and smiled back and ran off to catch up with her friends.

for now, i AM playing mom and dad, in many instances, and it's very hard. but i love my kids with all my heart, and they are worth every drop of blood, sweat, and tears that seem to be sucked from me at every waking chance. i'm just trying to be a better mother and person...day by day. today, God has forgiven me for what i did wrong as a mother yesterday and the day before, and let me know that i'm not the worst mom to grace the earth, not at all.

God and meat, an age old argument.

well, today i was writing hubby a letter and i came across the question, "what kind of meats should we refrain from eating, what kind are acceptable in a healthy diet that follows Biblical principles?"

i grew up always thinking that you shouldn't eat pork, any domestic animals, or anything that crawls on the ground and scavenges (i.e. crabs, lobster, shrimp), as eating these animals was against "the commandments of God". let's just say these thoughts stuck with me throughout the years and i always held steadfast to my beliefs that bacon was of the devil, beef stayed in the intestines for years, and seafood was out of the question if it wasn't fish because all sea creatures that were not fish were the wastebaskets of the ocean. now hubby and i often have Bible studies via letter, and one of my favorite websites to answer questions of the world Bible style is http://www.gotquestions.org/. so i went there and typed in, "meat and the Bible" and voila...this is one of the question and answer sessions that i got:

"Question: "Was Jesus a vegetarian? Should a Christian be a vegetarian?"

Answer: First, no, Jesus was not a vegetarian. The Bible records Jesus eating fish (Luke 24:42-43) and lamb (Luke 22:8-15). Jesus miraculously fed the crowds fish and bread, a strange thing for Him to do if He was a vegetarian (Matthew 14:17-21). In a vision to the Apostle Peter Jesus declared all foods to be clean, including animals (Acts 10:10-15). After the Flood in Noah's time, God gave humanity permission to eat meat (Genesis 9:2-3). God has never taken this permission back.With all that said, there is nothing wrong with being a vegetarian. The Bible does not command us to eat meat. There is nothing wrong with eating meat. There is nothing wrong with abstaining from eating meat. What the Bible tells us is that we should not force our convictions on this issue onto other people. Romans 14:2-3 tells us, "One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him."Again, God gave humanity permission to eat meat after the Flood (Genesis 9:3). In the Old Testament law, the nation of Israel was commanded to not eat certain foods (Leviticus 11:1-47), but never commanded against eating meat. Jesus declared all foods, including all kinds of meat, to be clean (Mark 7:19). As with anything, each and every Christian should pray for guidance as to what God would have them eat. Whatever a person decides to eat is acceptable to God as long as we thank Him for providing (1 Thessalonians 5:18). 1 Corinthians 10:31 declares, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." ~gotquestions.org

i am happy with this answer. i do not have to banish pork, seafood, or any other animal from our diets to be healthy and following along in the Word of God (i think we'll keep away from domestic animals though). i think moderation is key. so...we will try to limit, instead of eliminate, the amount of meat that we eat in our diets. i am also thinking of limiting certain meats to no more than say 4 times per month, such as beef and pork.

i am learning how to cook fish. i am not a domestic goddess in the kitchen, and thank God my hubby is...or we would starve when he comes home. i am barely getting by cooking 1,2,3 minute meals as it is! but i am practicing cooking fish, and so far i do really well with whiting. other fish is way too expensive for me to ruin trying to cook. but i did buy an entire uhm...karp, carp, (sp) to try to and cook next week. it's in the freezer just waiting to be experimented on. the girls seem to like the whiting i make, and my hubby never fails to coo, "aw baby, i'm gonna eat your fish even if it's as black as the bottom of my SHOE!" into the phone reciever in a well recieved attempt to make me beam from ear to ear (it never fails), despite the fire alarm blaring in the background, as i am trying NOT to burn the thin and fragile fillets to a crisp.

well, now i can back off the fish since it's ok to eat ALL other types of meat. thank God i can keep my crabs, lobster, and pork chops LOL. hubby will be happy to know that when he comes home, he can continue on with his quest to be the world's greatest chef, and not be limited to WHAT he should cook.

*deep inhale and exhale* ah yes, the beauty of moving from a world of ignorance to one of knowledge, one step at a time.

here we go.

finally. i'm here, completed account setup and all. after reading about 1,000 other blogs, clicking links that led to blogs, and accidentally running into blogs, i've decided that it's time for me to blog. heaven's knows i have enough to blog about. it is probably going to take me some time to navigate this site, but that's just as well, i have time on my hands. my children and i have lots of time on our hands. so i've decided to make mine a little bit more constructive by writing and blogging about my days and nights as a Christian, wife, mother, and sensitive, yet surprisingly strong woman.