Sunday, September 27, 2009

telling children some of the truths about life.

well of course, telling children the truth about life is a conversation that every parent should take seriously and should take careful consideration about before actually doing it. and one thing i've noticed about the conversation is that, although it is inevitable, it's almost certainly easier when you consult with God about it before you actually do it. another thing i've noticed is that, when your heart is right and the truth is in it, the words flow more easily than you can imagine, almost like it's not even you speaking.

and this is great because sometimes the conversation comes up without you really planning or expecting it.

today my oldest daughter had to be told repeatedly to clean her room. and when i was speaking to her about it, the conversation took a decidedly abrupt twist.

now it could be that i'm feeling especially blessed today after church, or that i'm simply a sensitive to the world around me type sould, but whatever the case may be, the conversation turned into a discussion on the truth about life. and i am happy that we had it.

some basic truths about life that i shared with my daughter are:

we get older every day, and we cannot regain lost time, so we must make the best of what we have

without the proper amount of education, be it formal or informal, we are doomed to live a difficult life full of ignorance and missed opportunity

even with education,l formal or informal, life is still difficult

growing up is difficult, especially during the tween and teen years (which she is entering)

peer pressure is real, and she will need to make important decisions about her friends

there are people in the world who are worse off than you are on your most worse off day

there are some people who mean you well and some people who mean you ill

you cannot let the people who mean you ill prevent you from accepting the good from poeople who mean you well

some personal truths that i shared with my daughter are (based on what i want to instill in her):

God loves each human being on this earth, even those who don't behave in the best ways

God expects us to love each other the way we love Him

God expects her to do, be and show her very best self

it is our obligation to love ourselves, each other and our planet

a woman of strength is one who is smart, generous and orderly, among other things

it is her responsibility to take care of and appreciate what she gets, regardless of the difficulty or ease it took to get it

times are becoming increasingly difficult, and the world is going through many changes

she must use what she knows in her mind to help her navigate this life

she is beautiful, smart and has the same rights as anyone else

having a right to do something does not neccessarily mean it should be done

i suppose i could go on, but some things were private mommy/daughter things that i don't have to list, as every mommy/daughter team does or will know soon enough exactly what i'm talking about (sorry daddies hehe--although many daddies do know anyway i'm sure).

the most amazing thing to me about the conversation is how easily the words flowed for me. when i was a younger parent rearing my girls i used to have small panic attacks about how i would explain certain things to them, or discuss certain topics, and to be quite honest at one point i decided that i would get others to *handle* these important parental matters for me. but as i matured more and watched them grow i realized that it was my responsibility to discuss these matters with my children because they are my children and no one else's, and what i say to them more than likely will shape the rest of their lives. i also realized that God would provide me with the voice i needed to share with them what needed to be shared, and i wouldn't be embarassed, at a loss for words, or confused. how did i know this? i could feel it inside myself, budding like a flower. i would be hit with the urge to discuss certain topics with her, or i would say to myself, "i know exactly what i'm going to tell her when she asks me this or that". it seemed like i was almost welcoming the opportunity to talk to her about life,and i was becoming excited about it! this is how i know i was changing and the voice i needed to talk to my daughter was forming within me.

every single question my oldest daughter has asked me about life thus far has been met with a sure answer from me. i haven't been afraid to share with her the truths about various things, death, friends, marriage, hurt...and the biggest obstacle for me...SEX! it never ceases to amaze me how my heart didn't jump out of my chest a single time in all of the conversations we've had, how well my words were received, and how easy it was for me to share with her my heart's desires for her. this is how i know i wasn't alone when talking to my daughter about these things.

i have never been adept at verbal communication. when i was a little girl i used to share my emotions and opinions by writing letters because it was 100% easier, an opinion that i still hold to this day. so to be able to share with her verbally and do it so fully and openly and clearly is actually a first for me as well.

i never thought i'd be thankful to God for allowing me the opportunity to share with my daughter the way my mother shared with me, but i am. i am thankful to give her these bricks for her use, and it is my prayer that with God's help she lays them in the path He wants her to follow.

i am honored to be the one He chose to hand them to her.


Elizabeth Mahlou said...

It sounds like you had a very blessed day. This is why I loved the teenage years -- the opportunities for conversations that go into human values and the big questions of life.

As for the sex question, I seemed to have waited too long with my older son. When he was eight, he told me that I had to find another library for him to spend his after-school time at because he had read all the books in the local public library. Only then did I take a look at ALL the sections, and sure enough, there was an adult section. I pointed out this section to him, pulling out The Joy of Sex, and asked him if he had read all those books. When he said he had, I told him, "Well, let me know when you are ready to talk about technique -- since you probably know more than I do know!" We have laughed about that a lot since. Sheesh! Who would have thought an 8-year-old would have delved into THOSE books!

Myowne said...

This was such a great post.

I am currently raising my 16-year-old niece and will have temporary custody of her little sisters in a week or so. It has not been easy conveying to her the truths she needs for a successful life, but it has been very refreshing to be able to tell her the truth. But as you did with your daughter so I do with mine (biologically or not). Thank you for offering this for others to think about - particularly me as I jump feet first with no life jacket into the deep end of raising children. By the way, I had no children before these precious ones entered my being a parent is ALL new to me.

a Proverbs wife said...


yes that day was so blessed for me, i still actually feel the good vibes :D

children know SO much more than we ever could give them credit for...this is why it's best to just suck it up and DO IT! have "the talk". for me, it was just 1000% easier when i asked God for guidance and a voice to talk to my daughter. since my husband is in prison, he couldn't have the talk with her face to face *although he is EXCELLENT with this sort of thing*. i was actually trying to wait until HE got out so HE could talk to her about sex and life and other things but...obviously my daughter, the talk and God had different plans.

we as parents HAVE to prepare our children with the truth about this world or they will make many needless mistakes and falls along the way!


i say the best way to do is like i did *of course im partial to my own advice lmao* and be honest to God about your nerves and fears with raising your babies, and wait for His response. trust me He won't let you go without the help you need to make it through rearing them properly.

i was in my living room praying and crying over this topic--a mother wants the best for her children, and sometimes with the way this world is moving i am afraid for my girls. but then i remember that fear is not of God yanno and i trudge forward.

but like i said...He is helping me with the girls SO much, by far the BEST and most VALUABLE asset i have is God. i believe that's true for any parent!