Tuesday, September 30, 2008

talk about crashing.

yesterday the stock market crashed (more like plummeted) 777 points. today, i crashed (more like plummeted) 778 points. i beat the stock.

that's how i feel at any rate. yesterday i was fine, the sun was shining, everything was good. last night i got NO sleep. i don't know what it is exactly, but i think it's a cumulation of situations and issues i'm having...including the social and financial state of the country, my personal goals and dreams being put on hold, difficulty in finding decent employment (for myself), the fact that i can't move my family right now, the fact that i've been going to the gym for a month 4x a week and i feel bigger, and i'm the same weight i was a month ago (walking ALWAYS helps me lose weight--what gives), my mp3 player and my gym card got stolen ANYWAY, my husband is in prison and he's stressing...the list goes on.

i think i had the weight of the world on my shoulders when i woke up today.

so i took the girls to school, came back home and started to clean. whenever i'm stressed i either suck my thumb, clean the house, try to nap, talk to my hubby (if i can), or i listen to music. so i started cleaning, and it just so happens that before my cousin left for work today she left the CD player on. and it switched to my favorite donnie mcclurkin CD. in ten minutes i was bawling and praying for everything to just be alright with me. i apologized to God for my behaviors lately, i asked Him to please just never leave me alone. right now i feel so alone in the world. despite having family and friends that love me, i feel so alone. i also thanked Him for what i do have. there are so many people that have so much less, so many people that would love to be in my shoes. with all of my concerns and issues, there are actually people who would LOVE to be in my shoes. i thank God for what He has given me, and i pray that He helps me learn any lessons that need to be learned from my current state of affairs. after the song finished playing, i felt 100% better and relieved. i still have some residual tears in my eyes, i'm still a little stressed. but i am doing alot better...God is good.

[my] stock market plummeted, but it's not the end of the world.

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