Jesus loves ALL of His creations, even the imperfect ones.

yes it's true. i love my american pit bull terrier, and she loves me. not only that, but Jesus loves her too. i suppose it's safe to say that Jesus loves her so much because i love her so much, although He loves all of His creation. so maybe i'm being a little siddity in saying that He loves her as much as He does because i love her as much as i do.

but at any rate, the point is, we Both love our pit bull terrier, baby. a while back i posted about her struggling with mange, and the stresses it brought to the table. well, we were still struggling so much and badly that for the first time i had considered seriously, seriously putting her down. it really came as a final decision after i got my carpets replaced, which needed to be done very badly. because of the cost (1,500.00) and the amount of physical labor it took me by myself to have them put in, i really couldn't stand to have her ruin them again.

but my heart just couldn't say yes to euthanizing my dog. so i prayed.

now some people think it's silly to pray over certain seemingly small things, but as my mom says, "if it's important enough to pray over, then it's not small." so i swallowed my anxiety and i spoke to Jesus about my problem. i prayed for a solution, and moreso than that, i prayed that He help me accept putting her down, because my heart just couldn't take it. it was probably the most emotional prayer i've had all year--i cried before, during and after my prayer. i felt like i was choosing to euthanize my best friend or a family member.

i still can't really express the pain i felt praying that prayer.

but i know Jesus heard it. and what else did He send but an answer?

two days before my carpets got done, my mother called me up. now take note that after i had said my prayer few days earlier i texted my mom and asked her to pray for me concerning the situation as well, to pray for me to have enough strength to do what was best for all parties involved.

so anywh0, my mom calls me up. and she blurts out that she'll take my dog! now i'm confused because i've had this dog for x amount of years and no one save my sister has offered to help me by actually taking her. unfortunately soon after that my sister lost her job and her apartment so that offer fell through the floor.

but i certainly was floored. my mom told me she'd take my dog and help me with her. all i had to do was buy her medicine and continue to make her meals...which i agreed to do without fail.

when i asked her what made her decide to help me she said, "i don't know. i just have been having these dreams about her and my heart is telling me not to let her get put to sleep."

funny, but that's the same exact thing both hubby and i have experienced with this dog. dreams and our hearts/intuitions/feelings telling us to keep her around. almost like God Himself is demanding she be kept alive. i pretty much listen to my heart, i don't ignore my feelings. and this dog evokes such a strong response from me emotionally--it's hard to explain but for some reason i cant let her go. she's blessed--there's a reason she's on this earth i've decided.

so my prayers were heard and answered. i was spared the pain of putting down literally the sweetest dog i've ever owned, and my carpets were spared the pain of being totally destroyed again. what a blessing huh!

to make matters better, my dog seems to be healing up super quickly. hard to explain, but i think she is allergic to carpeting. her fur is growing back in and she no longer needs to wear a tshirt around her neck *as you can see she has on in the above picture too*. this dog has been delivered from death more times than i care to count. i believe i explained her story in my last post about her so i won't repeat it, but she's a special dog. she misses me sure, but since i'm right around the c0rner from my mom i'm always in her face anyway. my sister helps me out too, so i guess it's safe to say baby has become a family dog.

and i know it's safe to say that she's loved and that Jesus loves all of His creations, even the imperfect ones.

my baby is growing up.

just three and a half short years ago, i held my newborn baby in my arms, amazed at how much like her daddy she looked, how tiny she was in my arms. i was so proud of her, to have been strong enough to hang in there with mommy during a very difficult pregnancy, one in which i feared for her life on at least three occassions.

now, my tiny baby girl has grown up into a active, rowdy three year old who still looks like her daddy, but has the round nose and eyes of her mommy... ;)

but she's growing up! and to be very honest, i'm not ready for that just yet. not right now...
.

.

.

.

ok, i'm not sure when i'll be ready for it, but i can assure you i'm not ready for it now. but despite my inability to wrap my mind around the fact that everyone grows up and my baby is no exception, she's doing just that.

she's growing up. no amount of typing that phrase out will keep her from growing up, nor will any amount of typing slow the process of her growing up.

how do i know she's growing up? well the fact that she's only three but wears a 5t is one piece of proof that she's growing up. but even more devastating than that...my baby has decided she wants to go to *gulp* school!

that horrid, terrible, six-letter word. school.

the taste it leaves in my mouth is inexplicable, and i assure you, you don't want to taste it either.

yes, my baby has decided that at the ripe old age of three point five years old, she is ready to leave the nest and enter the world of school. just to prove her point, she has demanded (and i gave in) to carrying her lunch around in a lunch box. for the past two days, i've packed up her lunch in her older sister's last year lunch box, and she has proudly and matter of factly told everyone within earshot "im goin' tuh skewl! see?!?!" as she points excitedly towards her dora the explorer metal lunch tin.

i've had to come up with 20 reasons an hour about why she actually isn't in school, but none of them satisfy her for more than 3 minutes. she's demanding to go to school, and i'm running out of reasons why she's not in school.

now she would be in an actual daycare center except that i don't approve of any daycare centers i've seen in my area over the past three years, and i refuse to take my children somewhere i don't approve of. working in that field at my last job really showed me alot of issues the state has not addressed in the way of daycare centers and i just refuse to have my baby in the middle of all that nonsense. she used to go to homecare, but it's gotten expensive, more than i can afford per week, since i lost my job. it used to cost 80.00 per week, now it's 160.00 per week for her old sitter, who is really the only person i trust with her.

so she's stuck home with me for now (not that she appreciates it, she doesn't).

i have been looking steadily for part time work, so if i'm able to find it, i probably will be able to afford to send her back to her sitter. if i don't find work, i am going to go back to school full time and she can go back to her sitter, which she'd love. then she can finally tote around her little dora lunchbox and actually be going to school (in a sense at least).

and i can be soothed somewhat. because she wouldn't be in school per se, just daycare. and because daycare isn't school exactly, only similar to school in certain ways, i can buy at least another two years of having my baby still be my baby.

a busy day today!

the kids and i are just coming in from a concert that we had at our church, it was very enjoyable. we stuffed our faces with food afterward and now i'm good and tired. it was really enjoyable to be able to just sing and clap and praise the Lord with my church family and immediate family. i really love my new church--it's like home. :D

i'm off to bed--we have to get up pretty early to be at church on time.

look what i "stumbled" upon!

during a time when i've been debating alot with other religions over who Jesus truly was, i found this passage by the apostle John to say everything i need to say. it gave me the confirmation i needed to have to continue debating the good debate.

1 John 2:20-27 (New International Version)

20But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and all of you know the truth.[a] 21I do not write to you because you do not know the truth, but because you do know it and because no lie comes from the truth. 22Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist—he denies the Father and the Son. 23No one who denies the Son has the Father; whoever acknowledges the Son has the Father also.
24See that what you have heard from the beginning remains in you. If it does, you also will remain in the Son and in the Father. 25And this is what he promised us—even eternal life.
26I am writing these things to you about those who are trying to lead you astray. 27As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit—just as it has taught you, remain in him.

a blessed day!

whomever said that God will take our obstacles and turn them into stepping stones, that our difficulties are opportunities for Him to work miracles in our lives never lied! today i was having a rough day, debating with a few people on matters of religion, and as always, it seemed as if i was the underdog. eventually when people saw that they could not change my mind about my faith, the accusations came pouring in that i was rude, disrespectful, stubborn, etc.

now anyone who knows me knows that i may be stubborn and i can be rude, but disrespectful i am not. i just don't turn my beliefs for anyone, not only because this is who i am, but also because this is my life and the lives of my family. so i am set in my belief system. that still doesn't equate to disrespectful, but you can't tell an angry person that.

so anyway, i decided to pray over it, because i had to question myself...maybe i am disrespectful. and if i was, i wanted God to let me know and to show me how to work on that, because paul says to be bold in love.

so while i was praying, God just came on along and crept into my heart, and told me that the battle is not an easy one, but it is one to press on in and to remain steadfast in my beliefs and my presentation, because it shows others that i am not joking around.

my heart became so light and happy that i decided to play my music, and i felt brand new and rejuvinated. the night before i had been so weary and worn down from the debate and when i woke up this morning i just sighed and said, "a continuation. oh boy." so i wasn't exactly elated to be caught up in the whirlwind of an emotional spiritual debate, but then out of the battle came a blessing, so i wound up being happy to have engaged in it at all.

an additional blessing also came from this debate. for the past 3 months i have been diligently and excitedly studying the Word of God and engaging in fellowship, and it felt so good and so intense that i had gotten to the point where i was dreaming daily dreams of God, Jesus, heaven and peace. and i would pray and pray for God to allow me to retain in that state of spiritual highnesses, just let me wake up every day as blessed and elated as i had been.

but life set in and eventually my strict study regimine waned, my study group went back to work and living, and i found myself studying only half diligently and listening to my music only on most days.

well engaging in that argument has spiked up my study habits again and has opened up an entirely new world to me--the world of monotheistic religion study.

now i have to scratch together another barnes and noble money bank because i am itching to get my hands on some more prominent works by scholars who study the Christianity/Judaism/islam relationship.

it's funny how God uses what we deem as discouraging situations to bless us, open up our minds and broaden our horizons. before this day i had no real interest in learning about the big 3 religions in relationship to each other, and now i'm so interested i've been researching for the past 6 hours. i feel that my prayers to remain committed to my Christian beliefs have been answered.

and that's a blessed day.

a new day.

i was able to move my blog to a new email address *one that i actually use* and save my blog. i was a little nervous at first with switching it and then i got very nervous when i had to hit the delete button permanently on my old blogger account. i figured that by some stroke of pure harassment from the devil, my blog would have deleted itself. but it's up and it's safe and sound, i have a new email address and it's all good! yay!

today was my second official service with my new female pastor at my church. well i and other members of our church hope she'll be our permanent pastor. right now it's 50/50, but she says she's praying to stay, and we're praying to keep her. although i am non-denominational, i go to a methodist church, and one of their protocols for the church is to switch pastors as needed. the main reasons being another church in need of a new pastor or a church starting out needing strengthening. so out of the blue, our presiding elder decided that our pastor was needed at another church, and we were left without a pastor. so in the interim, we were placed with a female pastor. now i won't lie, both services this woman had me in tears, what she preached was so simple, yet true. today i was so choked up and just full of the Word that i had to catch my breath more than once.

i will admit, it's taking some getting used to, seeing as she's the only female pastor, she's not married, and there are no reverends or bishops etc. residing in the church.

this shepard is definitely a feminine female heading a flock. albeit a small flock but we are a flock nonetheless.

i am so excited for her and for myself, because honestly i feel that because of her age, knowledge and ability she will help our church reach new heights, especially with the young. but i've had all male pastors for as long as i can remember and it's like wow--really a change.

but God tells us that we must be willing to accept change, to go with the flow, and to be willing to accept Him and His Word in many forms.

like anything new, it will take some getting used to her. but i have a feeling that when the time comes to switch pastors again, our congregation will be very sad to see her go.

smooth sailing.

I can honestly say that since I've become more serious about church, tithing,giving, helping others, Biblical studies and coming closer to God in general, a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and the quality of my life has improved tenfold. I no longer feel drudged down by the weight and worries of this world.

Some may have heard me say it but some may not have--this summer has been a spiritual breakthrough for me. I say this truly and sincerely. I suppose God believed that it was time for me to go to the next level in my spirituality, well I've made it there with flying colors! I can't believe how much I was missing out on concerning my relationship with Him before!

Now that I have this new relationship I pray that it doesn't dissolve, that I have the strength and faith and determination to continually walk with Him without letting the secularness of this world hold me back or cause me to second guess myself and God's love for me. Because while some people are absolutely positive there is nothing that makes them waiver in God--i've been angry with Him to the point of not even talking to Him, I've lost faith before and sometimes I've even understood the rationings of non-believers and have been struck with what I call the "What Ifs"--a period in which I question the reality of God. But I find that while the stronger I get in God the stronger the opposition gets, the easier it is for me to tackle my own doubts and insecurities and tap them down to resume my walk in, through and with Him.

I've found such a peace in my increased spirituality that I no longer get all wound up when problems come my way. I'm curbing a lot of the words coming out of my mouth and ideas coming out of my mind and I'm no longer feeling like I'm going against my own grain or what seems to be ingrained in me to the point that its simply who I am. I find that working on myself is becoming easier than ever. Its not EASY but its easier than it has ever been before for me.

I'm on my way...I am reaping the goodness of God in my life and I am bringing that goodness to and encouraging my family to find their own goodness in Him moreso than ever before. My children are developing a stronger relationship in Him as well. I can see such a marked difference in all of us in only a month, I wouldn't believe it if I wasn't experiencing it myself.

I am blessed with smooth sailing!